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C.O.S.H.A. Incident report JY-276
Incident date: 7/1/20XX
Offending party: Rubbernecker (civilian alias still unknown)
Incident type: Heroism Disruption
Details:
Superheroes. I can't stand them. Magic complicates things but at least there's a protocol that makes sense behind them. Sigils need binding, rituals have procedures. But superheroes? Someone gets nibbled by a radioactive badger and suddenly they can stop time or control water. I'll tell you what power every superhero has: to turn infrastructure into useless slag.

Incident began at 8:27 AM. Heroine Rubbernecker arrived at a COSHA Site 1186, The Placid Dunes freeway construction.  She was battling a villain named the 'Vulcanizer'. Something to do with tires, but their fight ended up delaying our construction efforts by two weeks. Her abilities involve elasticity, malleability, and, I'm convinced gullibility. Cognitive evaluation rated her receptive to level D manipulation. Once The vulcanizer was apprehended and taken by security. We could not risk her running off to damage another site. So COSHA Drone 6675 Insisted she follow protocol and wear authorized protective gear while on a construction site.   She just.... didn't question it, politely apologized and popped it on her head. I do not understand how these heroes function. Half of them would walk into a furnace if they were told it was an act of nobility.

Once she accepted the standard issue COSHA helmet, She was brought into work reconstruction and assigned to repair the damage she caused. Hopefully this will make her be more respectful about collateral damage in the future.

SUPPLEMENTAL #1: Apparently one of the additional abilities Rubbernecker has is body manipulation. before we could dress her in appropriate gear, she had already transformed her body to match a COSHA uniform almost exactly. Is.... is that her skin? should I be okay with her walking around naked with a fake version of the uniform? surely that doesn't protect her from the standard suite of obstacles. but a rubber creature should potentially be more durable. barring any further concerns, I will consider this matter closed.

SUPPLEMENTAL #2: I fully intended to release her once Site 1186 was up to code, but apparently we can't find her! how hard is it to find a giraffe in a coalition of rabbits??

SUPPLEMENTAL #3: She shapeshifted into a bunny i can't find her why did no one register her drone number properly oh my god her ID tag was just her rubber i need to fix this how do i find a rubber superhero brainwashed to be a COSHA drone

SUPPLEMENTAL #4: YOGA! COSHA MANDATED YOGA. THIS WILL WORK.

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One of the most difficult things to deal with as a safety inspection coalition is that superheroes are your biggest foil. not because they don't mean well, but because usually they're more interested in throwing cars than checking if a building can structurally take a car to its struts. Hopefully there aren't many heroes in Cognizant for Ms. Akechi to deal with. Or at least pray they're just as gullible as Rubbernecker!

artwork by ProjectPorygon
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