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"The Chthonian Games. Held every 3.14 years, 1067 athletes competing in 43.7 events, judged by no mortal panel but by the Gods of the Underworld themselves.

"I walk across the field, head and ears high, attired in my elegant if somewhat retro strip. I grasp the pole, murmur a respectful prayer, and on the signal I sprint. The pole tip strikes and I am lifted, flung skywards, swing myself round as I sail over the bar, tumble and land with the style and control honed over a lifetime. I rise to my feet, brush myself off, wait in dignity for the Gods' judgment.

"And the sand gives under me and I know I am judged Worthy. The spectators raise their voices in paean

as I sink, paws raised in solemn victory, honored and accepted as sacrifice. A thousand cameras watch my departure; the last twitch of my disappearing ears will play across the screens of the world. Somber priests will carve my name on the marble lists of the Victorious Chosen, and my soul will gleam for a thousand months in a garnet on the Under-Father's chin-ring before I am reborn in a ficus seed in the arboretum of the Seventh Pentarch."

One of the few constants across the multiverse is that Sport Is Serious Business. Uploading as "Adult" to be safe as it comes under the quicksand / sinking theme.