{
  "writing": "[b]Part 1[/b]\n\nOnce upon a time, in a land you are probably familiar with from fairy tales and nursery rhymes, there was a city. In that city there were all sorts of businesses, like butchers, bakers, candlestick makers, woodcutters who hunted wolves as a side hustle, as well as spinners, weavers, window washers, cesspit cleaners, bureaucrats, and many other more or less glamorous professions, but the city's economy isn't really important to this story. What is important is something you don't often hear about in fairy tales, and even less in nursery rhymes: Sex. The dirty deed, the horizontal tango, making love, and many other words including, of course, fucking.\n\nBut this too was a business, for thanks to some permissive policies put in place by a wise and open minded king, the city was home to a variety of ``Novelty shops,'' burlesque clubs, houses of every degree of repute, and castles with dungeons under them, that catered to every taste and species. This was very good for tax revenue - okay, fine, enough about the economy, I promise! Anyway, a ways down the road from Mother Goose's House of Delights, there was a traveling petting zoo, the kind that rents animals out to parties for guests to play with and also sometimes rents bouncy castles. But this was a very special petting zoo: an adults-only petting zoo. A Heavy Petting Zoo, if you will. It specialized in catering to certain unusual tastes: it provided its services to very rowdy, debaucherous parties that often happened late at night, and the guests were allowed to touch the animals as inappropriately as they wanted. The animals were all talking animals of course, because otherwise that would be fucked up, but they were the four legged kind (other than three chickens and a goose), which many still think is weird. They were all employees, of course, and enjoyed their jobs as much as anyone can really enjoy a job. They weren't unionized, and they didn't even have Dental, but they were paid 12 copper farthings per hour, which sounds low but considering the inflation rate of fantasy kingdoms it was above the median wage for the area, and they did get room and board - wait, come back, I swear I'll shut up about the economy!\n\nAnyway, the petting zoo had all kinds of animals. There were the chickens and goose I mentioned, there were sheep, there were ponies, there were llamas, there were goats, and there was a miniature donkey, who is the subject of this sordid tale, or rather, ``tail.''\n\nThe donkey, who was imaginatively named Jen, stood in her boss's office, arguing with him. ``But it's my day off!'' she brayed stubbornly, and stamped her hoof on the floor.\n\n``I know it is, Jenny,'' her boss said smarmily and slicked back his combover. ``But we're understaffed here and we need all hands on dick - I mean deck. I mean hooves, for you. That's a metaphor, no hooves on dick unless the customer asks for it. The point is, everyone else is booked, sick, on vacation, or can't handle a job like this.''\n\n``I told you not to call me Jenny,'' said Jen. ``Only my friends and family call me that.''\n\n``Well, we're all a family here at Touching Tails, right? Come on, Jenny, this is a difficult customer, and no girl at this petting zoo can take a pounding like you.''\n\n``That makes it worse! I always get the problem customers! The weirdos! The freaks!''\n\n``I give you harder jobs because you're our top performer. Where's your team spirit? I need 110% from you!''\n\n``I am giving 110%! This whole week's been awful! On Sunday I was plowed and seeded by every farmer in the whole dell, Monday I had that weird guy who always puts his wife in a pumpkin shell and makes me eat my way to her, then eat her out. On Tuesday I got Rumpleforeskin again, and his smegma was worse than ever! Then Wednesday was that dirty old man from Nantucket, and he shoved it so far down my throat it almost came out the other end! I spent Thursday rub a dub dubbing in a tub with guess who? The butcher, the baker, and the candlestick maker! I still have hot wax in my tail! And yesterday was the worst of all: All the King's men, and all the King's horses too! Do you know what you get when you make a miniature donkey take all those big, tall war stallions?''\n\nHer boss looked blank. ``A medium sized mule?''\n\n``No!'' she brayed. ``A very sore donkey! I'm going to walk funny for weeks after that! I think they rearranged my internal organs!''\n\n``Hmm...'' Her boss got up from his desk. He walked around behind the donkey and lifted her tail. ``Still looks fine to me.'' He gave her rump a light smack. Jen ground her teeth. She was tender and bruised back there.\n\n``The horses weren't even the worst part,'' she complained. ``Ugh, I hate working knights! Oh, they're all chivalrous when they're on duty, but once they take off that shining armor and have a few drinks, urgh, I?m sick of servicing a bunch of gross pigs!''\n\nHer boss chuckled. ``Well, I've got bad news about your clients for today then.''\n\n``They'd better not be more knights.'' Her boss shook his head. ``Squires?'' He shook it again. ``Knaves? Lords? Dukes? Earls? Bishops? Rooks?\"\n\n``Colder.''\n\n``Then who the hell is it?''\n\n``Let's just say it's one of those dirty jobs.''\n\nNow she understood. ``No. Hell no.''\n\n``Please? I already told the clients I had a girl who'd do it.''\n\n``Then get somebody else to. I've had farmers, pumpkin guts, smegma, knights who've been sweating in their armor all day, grimy horses, crusty Nantucket sailors - even the tub was nasty!''\n\n``I'm sorry, Jenny, but the only other girl who's free is Maggie, and she's a sheep! Donkey fur's easier to wash than sheep wool. You've got to take one for the team sometimes!''\n\nJen thought about workplace discrimination laws, and whether making her work with the most unhygienic clients because of her fur texture was grounds for a lawsuit - Ouch! Oh come on, this isn't the economy, it's the legal system!\n\nWe apologize for the narration of this story. The narrator has been disciplined, and is now ready to read the story in a sexier way. We now return you to this production of Filthy Fairy Tales: An Ass Among the Swine.\n\nIt is not boring, you just don't appreciate verisimilitude in your porn about magical talking animals. It adds immersion. Fine, whatever.\n\nOnce upon a time, in fact, the same general time that it was once upon, there were three little pigs. I'm sure you've all heard of their encounters with the Big Bad Wolf. Well, the first and the second little pigs managed to escape from the wolf's slavering jaws, but they were left homeless after the villain's vicious attacks on their shoddily constructed dwellings and had to move in with their little brother. In a town that was really more of a suburb of the city, although it was outside of city limits, but within the same metropolitan area for census purposes, the three little pigs now lived together in a large, sturdy brick house. As for the Big Bad Wolf, he lived in an even sturdier concrete cell on the other side of town, where he was serving time on a ten year plea deal after being charged with over forty counts, including vandalism, burglary, stalking, menacing, criminal threats...\n\nOuch! Oh come on, that was criminal law! That's exciting isn't it? That tomato wasn't even ripe, that hurt!\n\nBunch of simple minded philistines... where was I? Once upon a time, Hameron, the third little pig, came home from work. He was a tax accountant, and had gone into the office on the weekend to give 110% like a real team player, which he didn't mind all that much because he got 150% overtime pay, a benefit which animals at adult petting zoos didn't get, although thanks to the King's tax reforms tips up to 5,000 shillings annually didn't count toward their taxable no no you don't need to throw that I'll make it sexy I swear!\n\nHameron came home from work after a long hard day of doing boring grown up things nobody cares about. He had totally forgotten that today was his 21st Birthday, but his older brothers, Hamish and Hamilton, had not. They weren't quite so little pigs anymore. Hamish and Hamilton weren't anyway, but Hameron was the runt of the litter. He dug his keys out of his pants pocket, for the three little pigs were talking animals of the kind that walks on two legs and wears clothes. ``Oh, I hope my brothers haven't turned the house into a pigsty again,'' he muttered. ``What a week. I just want to relax in my armchair with a nice book. Peace and quiet at last.''\n\nHe opened the door. ``SURPRISE!'' numerous voices shouted. The lights flicked on, to reveal over a dozen bipedal beasts Hameron didn't know crowded in his living room. He squealed in astonishment. The house was a disaster. He started to back away, but his brothers put their hands on his shoulders and steered him into the house.\n\n``Happy Birthday, little bro!'' said Hamish, the oldest pig, who'd built the straw house.\n\n``We got you a keg!'' bellowed Hamilton. ``Man, this party's gonna be awesome!'' He flipped his baseball cap around backwards.\n\n``A - a keg?'' Hameron stammered. ``I - that's very thoughtful of you, it's the thought that counts after all, but I didn't want - you didn't have to do all this for me!''\n\n``Of course we did, bro! You only turn 21 once!''\n\n``Guys, it's - it's been a stressful week.''\n\n``We know that, bro! Come one, it's time to loosen up and enjoy yourself!''\n\nLoud music with too much bass blasted from the speakers. There was football on TV, and fifteen strangers crowded in his living room.\n\n``Who are all these people?'' Hameron asked.\n\n``Oh. Well, we didn't really know who your friends were, but we couldn't ruin the surprise by asking, so we invited some of our buddies instead! This is Tod, from our frat, and Mike, also from our frat, and Jerry, who got kicked out of the frat but he's really cool.''\n\nThe party was horrible. Hameron sat on the couch in a daze. How could this be happening to him?\n\n``No! My coffee table! Use a coaster!'' he squealed. ``Wait, careful with that salsa around the couch!''\n\n``Huh?'' said Jerry, who was a big mastiff dog. He turned around with a double dipped chip in each hand. In the process, he knocked the bowl of salsa over and spilled it all over Hameron's white couch!\n\n``Nooooo!'' cried Hameron, falling to his knees in despair. ``This party can't get any worse...''\n\nBut he was wrong, for it was just then that there was a knock at the door.\n\n``I can't believe I let that asshole talk me into this...'' Jen grumbled as she was led up to the door on a rope. She was wearing a bridle, four fishnet leggings and a garter belt, and a sign that said: ``Jenny. She's a dirty girl and she likes it rough.'' She felt a faint glimmer of hope looking at the house. It was pretty clean and well kept on the outside, obviously good architecture too. Maybe this wouldn't be so bad. Then the door opened to the chaos and bedlam within. There were two tall and portly pigs in beer and sauce stained tank tops. A bunch of other animals were dancing, playing beer pong, and helping themselves to the snacks. Weren't there supposed to be three pigs? No, now she saw the third, standing there looking totally out of place in Business Casual attire, holding a roll of paper towels.\n\n``Mobile adults only Heavy Petting Zoo, right here!'' said the delivery guy. ``I got one slutty donkey for you to sign for!''\n\nThe tallest pig stumbled to the door. He grabbled the clipboard and scribbled a signature. The delivery guy took it back, carefully avoiding the grease and crumbs. ``Thank you sir.''\n\n``Who's this piece of ass?'' The other pig took Jenny's rope and slapped her ass.\n\n``Wow, never heard that one before,'' the donkey said with a roll of her eyes.\n\n``This is Jenny. She's all yours, all night. Don't be too gentle with her! There's a box of accessories out on the lawn. Have fun!'' He walked away back to the truck.\n\nJen's heart hammered as she was led into the living room to meet all the party guests. Fifteen obnoxious fratboys of many species, wearing shirts that said things like ``Neverland College beer pong champion'' and ``Varsity Burping.'' The house was a pigsty, with food stains and trash everywhere, and it smelled like sweat and unwashed farm animals. Then there were the pigs themselves, making eighteen males in all. The larger two were the most obnoxious of the bunch. As for the smaller and better dressed pig...\n\n``What the fuck? You guys hired a stripper for my party?''\n\n``Not just a stripper,'' said the largest pig. His belly button protruded from his crumb stained tank top. ``Happy Birthday, Hameron! Here's your present! Kiss your virginity goodbye!''\n\nA virgin? Well, that wasn't surprising. Not from a guy who showed up to a keg party in that outfit. The pig grinned nervously and waved. ``Oh my god, you're... oh, no.'' He was beginning to hyperventilate, Jen observed. ``For me?'' he whimpered. ``Guys, I know it's the thought that counts, but what were you thinking?''\n\n``We were thinking you really need to get laid, dude,'' said the middle pig, Hamilton.\n\n``That's what you assholes wanted! Not what I wanted! You guys are the worst brothers on the planet! So help me, I'm not kidding about charging you guys rent if you don't respect my boundaries more!''\n\nThat made things awkward. ``Wow, okay, sounds like we got some family drama,'' Jen said with a nervous laugh. ``So, are you guys triplets or something? I can really see the family resemblance!''\n\n``Ha ha. He's 24, he's 25,'' said Hameron. ``I'm really sorry for wasting your time, miss... Jenny, but can I get a refund for my well meaning but misguided brothers?''\n\n``Nope. Sorry. Paid up front, no refunds. Petting zoo credit only, but for parties all rentals are final.'' Jen hid the annoyance in her voice. She really didn't want to work today, but being rejected kind of stung.\n\n``I was afraid you'd say that. Oh, well...'' he hung his head sadly. ``Well, I guess it's time for me to retire to my room for tonight! It's been a really fun party, guys!'' said the pig with a forced smile. ``Let's go up to my room, uhh... sexy... stuff?'' He knelt down and whispered in her ear. ``Please play along. If my stupid brothers paid for you up front, it's free money to just hang out until they leave.''\n\nJen really didn't want to be the bearer of bad news. ``That's not how it works,'' she said. ``They paid for the party package.''\n\n``What does that mean?''\n\n``It means we didn't rent a donkey for you, we rented a donkey for everyone at the party!'' cheered Hamish. The whole room erupted into bellows and howls of delight.\n\n``Oh my God,'' said Hameron. ``Um... I think maybe I'll sit this round out?''\n\n``Whatever, bro. Hope you like sloppy seconds.'' Hamish pulled Jen into the center of the living room, while the other guests pushed furniture bag to clear a space. Jen felt the thrill of imminent violation coming. The truth was, she did enjoy jobs like this. Being rented out like a farm animal... used, abused, run ragged, and returned to the petting zoo tired, sore, and messy? Oh, it was making her knees tremble. She needed a week to recover from being used as a breeding mount for all those horses, but her boss was right. She was the only girl at the petting zoo who could handle a dozen rowdy, horny males at once all by herself. Seventeen was too many even for her, though, she thought. Her tail flagged automatically. Someone groped her thighs, spreading her legs aside, then felt lower down and squeezed her udder.\n\n``Come on, boys, step right up, form a neat and orderly queue... or don't,'' she said with a gulp as they crowded around her. ``Or you could just have a circle jerk on me. Oww, that's my tail! That is my personal tail, don't pull, were you guys raised in a barn? Heck, I was raised in a barn and I've got better manners.'' Someone's pants were down already. With a laugh the buck shoved his sweaty shorts in Jen's face. She gagged. ``Holy crap, you guys are nasty. You smell like you haven't taken more than five showers this year between all of you.''\n\nThe guys laughed and made her smell more of their discarded clothing, Stained socks, the armpits of a shirt that said ``Pull my finger,'' and musty XXL size underpants.\n\n``It's a good thing I was with Rumpleforeskin on Tuesday,'' she said, ``Because this is rancid. You're messy eaters too, wow. There's Cheeto dust, nacho cheese, I don't know if I can work under these conditions, somebody oughta call a health inspect - oof!'' A ram grabbed the donkey by the ears and pulled her to his crotch. His massive, veiny cock flopped over her face. His enormous, hairy scrotum tickled her nose with crotch hairs. Jen took a long, rancid whiff. An unseen guest was feeling up her rear: he pulled her garter belt tight and snapped it against her back. ``Ow! Careful with that, we charge a damages fee, you know!''\n\n``Wow, does she ever shut up?'' said Hamish.\n\n``I know a way to shut her up,'' said the buck.\n\nAnd so the gangbang began. Jen knew she'd brought this on herself, but they underestimated her ability to run her mouth even with a mouthful of unwashed penis. There were two stallions, though. She'd really had enough of horse dick after yesterday, but she bravely soldiered on even though they nearly thrust into her stomach! The two less little pigs mounted her first, then the mastiff and a rat, Others took their turns getting wet, sloppy blowjobs, while others simply masturbated over her.\n\n``Ulg,'' she said, withdrawing her mouth from one leaking cock while another spurted against her back. ``Well don't hold back now, you're already paying dry cleaning for these stockings, you might as well make a mess of me.'' She was dripping cum. The little donkey looked like she'd been in an accident in a silly string factory.\n\n``Oh, we will!'' said Hamish. ``Hey guys, who wants another round of snacks?''\n\n``I hate my life,'' mumbled Hameron from where he stood by the wall, watching the mayhem.\n\nJen was soon even more grossed out. These guys were so depraved that they'd happily go down on her or chug their beers while they had their way with her. And they had an endless variety of messy snacks, with no table manners. Chip crumbs, nacho cheese, pizza, ranch dressing, and all manner of sauces, as well as lots of spilled beer, soon fouled her coat. As the party got drunker and rowdier, they started offering her food as well, and worse, beer. Cheap, nasty, room temperature beer.\n\nShe knew it was a bad idea to drink on the job, as well as against company policy, but she was sick of her boss's shit tonight. She needed a fucking drink to get through this shift. Maybe three or four. They poured cups of it down her throat. After a couple drinks, her appetite came back. She hadn't had any lunch before coming here, so why not enjoy the free meal? Nachos, mac and cheese, a whole cup of ranch, artichoke dip, and so much beer and so, so much cum.\n\nSoon Jen remembered why this was a bad idea. Her stomach ached. It started to gurgle. Beer and greasy bar foods would have wreaked havoc on a full sized donkey's intestines, let alone a small one like her! This didn't bode well for her, or for the bathroom. She just had to pee right now but much worse was in her future. She was about to excuse herself when someone shouted: ``Hey guys! How about a game!''\n\n``I know! Pin the tail on the donkey!''\n\n``Hang on. I've already got a perfectly good tail right here,'' Jen said. But Hamilton was already opening a box of tail buttplugs on the coffee table. ``What the fuck?'' she gasped. ``When did they add those sizes?''\n\nThe players took turns trying to pin a tail under the one Jen was born with. They were drunk enough to not really need blindfolds, and they mostly missed their mark, but every time one succeeded, they moved up to a bigger size of plug. Jen endured the game in increasing agony. At least they were using lube, but the plugs were getting comically sized now.\n\n``Oh my god, you could block an elephant's butt with that thing,'' she said as a rat stumbled towards her. She pressed her tail protectively over her business end. ``It's game over boys, there's no way that thing'll even fi - YEEIIIIKKES!'' she brayed. ``Oh shit I was wrong! Ow, ow, ow, oh my - HEE HAW! Don't just yank it out! You guys are gonna put me in diapers!''\n\nSadly for her, there were still five more sizes of plug to go, and they didn't stop until the last one, a glittery pink unicorn tail monstrosity with an oblong head the size of a large mango, was rammed home with two men holding her shoulders, a third pulling her legs apart, and a fourth delivering the megalithic silicone suppository with all the grace of a sledgehammer. ``AAAAARGGH!'' Jen brayed in pain. It felt like she was being split in half! ``Holy shit!'' she gasped. ``If this doesn't end my career I'll be fucking elephants after this! Why did they buy this weapon of ass destruction? Get it? Ass destruction? Anybody? Oh, come on - OOLLGGCKK! Another girthy meat missile in the mouth silenced her again.\n\nJen was really tipsy now, but the beer couldn't erase her discomfort. She was bloated, clogged, and she needed a bathroom so badly now. If she wasn't now hobbled with ropes she would have waddled to the bathroom, but right now she needed permission, and for that she needed the presence of mind to stop her drunken babbling and beg. The partygoers were buzzed enough to find her chatter hilarious, and Jen loved the attention. She stood on the coffee table, yammering about whatever topic she could think of, from sports to the weather to the intricacies of the city's tax code. Even Hameron, who was otherwise catatonic, perked up a little at that one. Jen was loving the attention, but oh, man, her bladder was going to explode, and this plug was ruining her rear. She didn't know what was going to happen when it came out either. She belched. So much grease, cheese, and beer.\n\nThen, the true disaster struck. The ram came back from the bathroom with a sheepish look. ``Uh, bad news guys,'' he said. ``The toilet's clogged. Also, you're out of toilet paper.''\n\n``WHAT?'' yelled Hameron. He raced to the scene of the crime and returned, green in the face. ``How did you even manage that?'' he spluttered.\n\n``Sorry. Beer and nachos, you know how it goes. And it's not easy wiping with wool, so I had to use most of a roll.''\n\nThe youngest pig now had a crazed look in his eye now. ``Think on the bright side, Hameron. Think on the bright side,'' he muttered to himself. Well, my, uhh, acquaintances, the bathroom's definitely out of commission for tonight. I don't think a plunger can save that toilet, and I'm not calling a plumber in to all of this mayhem. Guess you'd all better go home and then my brothers can clean this fucking mess up!''\n\n``We don't have a designated driver,'' said one of the stallions. ``Our ride doesn't get here for a while.''\n\n``Don't worry, guys,'' slurred Hamish. ``We can head out to the - URPPP! The backyard!''\n\n``The backyard!'' cheered everyone else, even Hameron. ``Party in the backyard!'' The youngest pig added: ``That's a great idea! Go make a mess out there instead of in my living room!''\n\nJen was dragged through the house and out the door. They gathered on the back patio.\n\n``I don't think we thought this through,'' said a grizzly bear guest. ``There's no bathroom out here. I've really gotta take a leak.''\n\n``Well, Mi Casa is Zoo Casa,'' said Hamilton.\n\n``No it isn't! It's my casa!'' snapped Hameron.\n\n``Hey, I know!'' said the mastiff. ``Let's play pin the pee on the donkey!''\n\n``That doesn't make any sense,'' replied the bear. ``How do you peen piss, I mean ponk pee, I... how many have I had?''\n\n``Who's counting? I lost count of how much I've drunk but it's all goin' right through me. Let's pee on her!''\n\n``Wait a minute!'' cried Jen. ``I didn't agree to this! You can't just use me as a bathroom!''\n\n``Come on!'' drawled Hamish. ``Can't you take one for the team? We're bursting here!'' He finished chugging another huge mug of beer, which would only add to the liquid in his bladder.\n\nTake one for the team. Those words echoed hypnotically in Jen's equine skull. Give 110%. Family Drama. We're a family here! So nasty. So disgusting. So filthy. She dropped her ears flat and whined. The worst part was, she knew that she in fact had no right to refuse. Her rental agreement stated that the customer could do whatever they wanted to her, no matter how humiliating or degrading, including with whatever bodily fluids they had on hand. She'd never imagined that it could be cruelly interpreted as requiring her to submit to being a urinal, or worse, since she'd never dreamed a client could be that sick and twisted, but under the kingdom's employment law, Ow! Stop throwing things!\n\nWhile the narrator was being cruelly assaulted by uncultured philistines who didn't understand that complete loss of autonomy by means of the fine print in a contract was extremely sexy and exactly what the perverted audience asked for, if they could just appreciate it, the donkey mumbled: ``I guess I don't have a choice'' and stared up with apprehensive dismay at the bear taking aim over her.\n\nHe began pissing all over the poor donkey, drenching her back in a torrent of warm yellow liquid. A long, arduous, humiliating golden shower, leaving her dripping and completely ashamed that this was still turning her on. She let the second animal to use the new urinal let loose right on her head, drenching her completely, and as for the third? That repugnant rat made her open her mouth. Foul, acrid rodent piss, reeking of cheap beer, flooded her gullet. This was horrible. No, this was too much. She couldn't take it. She looked at Hameron with pleading eyes, begging him to rescue her from this torment, but the cowardly pig just watched with a guilty expression as two partygoers started shamelessly pissing all over her back.\n\nJen started swallowing. Such humiliation. Not even a four legged animal should be treated with such cruelty, yet here she was, losing her last precious shred of professional and personal dignity. What a worthless, slutty farm animal she was, not even charging extra for such cruel and unusually degrading acts as golden showers. She giggled drunkenly. ``Anything goes!'' she said. ``Make as much a mess of me as - hic! You can! My day off's already ruined!'' she started to sob. ``I have no work life balance! I've lost control of my life because I'm a pushover who can't say no to my boss! Look at what a dirty ass I am!'' A camera clicked. ``That's right, take all the pictures you want! The petting zoo has rights to use them commercially but otherwise you can - uggglglglgl! Send my family alllll the pictures of me drinking strange men's PISS!'' she gurgled. She let her mouth fill. Terrible! She didn't want this! She swallowed. Her instincts recoiled at the foul, musky liquid. ``I have no love life because I'm always at work, getting my holes destroyed for twelve farthings an hour!''\n\n``You can get make twelve farthings an hour doing this?'' said a wolf (not the big bad one. He was scrawny, and quite mild mannered when he wasn't at parties). ``Man, maybe I'm in the wrong career.'' \n\nA stallion gave him a weird look. ``Bro, I'm not saying I wouldn't, like, do stripteases for twelve an hour. Maybe even lap dances, if I had paid sick days and dental, but she's literally getting pissed on. That's gross, man, no way.'' He hypocritically took aim and started hosing her down with his thirteen inch horse dong.\n\n``Would you do it for a million?'' said the wolf.\n\n``An hour? In this economy? Hell yeah.''\n\n``So you're saying you have a price.''\n\n``All I'm saying is a million farthings is a lot of money.'' The stallion directed his raging, foamy stream of kidney filtered beer over the donkey's face. She let her mouth flood, and noticed that his urine didn't really taste worse than the cheap beer it had once been.\n\n``Yeah that's how prices work, man. So we're just arguing over numbers.''\n\n``A million farthings is, uhh, a fuckton times bigger than twelve, dude. You seriously don't see the difference between saying you'd let people piss on you for so much money you'd never have to work again and doing it for just a normal job amount?''\n\n``It's more then I'm making now. I'm only getting paid ten.''\n\n``Your self respect is worth TWO farthings an hour?''\n\n``I work retail, man, I'm selling my self respect either way! Every damn week I have to scrub toilets even though it's not in my job description.''\n\n``Scrubbing toilets is better than being one!'' argued the stallion. He was still reducing the donkey to just such a commode-ified object, and his stream showed no signs of slowing down. ``You know what, let's bet on it, I'll pay you twelve farthings and piss on you instead.''\n\nThe wolf made a flustered whimpering noise and tucked his tail between his legs to hide a boner.\n\n``What? That's you, it's different! You're my friend, that's way more awkward than getting pissed on by strangers you don't have to see again!''\n\n``You could run into somebody who remembers you at the grocery store or something. What if they walked up and were like hey, how's it going, you're the guy who likes drinking piss aren't you?''\n\n``Shit, I didn't think of that. Anyway, I was thinking, like, hot chicks doing it, you know? No offense but I wouldn't let you piss on me for just twelve an hour.''\n\n``How much then?''\n\n``Fifty. No, a hundred.''\n\n``Well I'm not willing to pay a hundred bucks to piss on you, because you aren't a hot chick either. It's simple supply and demand.''\n\n``Fine, 25 then!''\n\n``Deal. Wait, what'd I just agree too... fuck it.'' The horse reached for his hip. ``Shit. Where's my wallet.'' He turned and stared at his friend in horror. ``Bro, what happened to my wallet?''\n\n``Probably in your pants,'' said the wolf. It was then that he noticed that the naked stallion had obliviously turned around, still peeing, and was now splashing his belly and legs with a faucet of foul piss. ``Hey! What the fuck, man!''\n\n``What? Oh, shit, sorry.''\n\n``You owe me 25 farthings now!''\n\nThe pair's argument was amusing to the donkey, but when they want off to find the stallion's wallet, she returned to her state of debaucherous depression. ``And he always makes me service the dirtiest, rudest, most horrible clients!'' she blubbered. ``And I always say yes because he guilts me about being a team player, but then `e just thinks being filthy's all I'm good for!''\n\n``I think you might have had too much,'' said the bear.\n\n``I haven't had enough!'' sputtered Jen. ``I need more!''\n\n``If you say so.'' The bull looked at his empty mug. ``Fuck I'm so full. I'm not walking all the way back to the keg like this.'' He held the mug below his crotch and took aim. Jen watched with horror and lust as churning, frothing, foaming liquid rose higher and higher in the huge beer stein, filling it to the brim with cloudy bovine brew. He held it to her lips.\n\n``Um, that's not the liquid I meant!'' she stammered. ``I just wanna get so drunk I can call in sick with a hangover tomorrow, not...''\n\n``Chug! Chug! Chug! Chug!'' the partiers were cheering a minute later. She tried to resist, but they held her nose and ears and tipped her head back. Jen was miserably swallowing gulp after gulp of warm, sour bull piss. Her stomach was so painfully full. It tasted so foul. But she had to keep drinking until she forgot the shame of drinking this loathsome liquid.\n\n``Holy shit that's gross,'' someone said. ``Oh god. HEEURRGGGGGLHHHGLLARRGGHLLL!''\n\nThe donkey went rigid in shock as a torrent of beer and half digested snacks thundered down on her back. Hot and slimy. He'd puked on her. This just kept getting worse. It smelled so bad. She gagged. She was going to throw up soon too. But not before Hamilton leaned over and unloaded his alcohol filled stomach over her head in a hideous multicolored waterfall. Jen gasped and coughed.\n\n``That's nasty.'' The mastiff waded into the puddle of pig puke and started peeing on her. But with his bladder halfway empty, the smell overpowered him and he too started horking up rancid dog vomit. He fell to his knees and pulled the helpless donkey into a sloppy open mouthed kiss. His tongue went deep in her mouth. He convulsed. Jen stiffened in shock. Hot, bitterly boozy vomit surged up his throat and right down hers. It was so disgusting that somebody else puked on her too.\n\nJen's stomach could take no more. When he staggered away, wiping his mouth on his sleeve, she clenched and retched. HEURRRGGGHH! ``Oh, fuck. Oh my god. This isn't even biologically possible, but you guys are so gross I can't hold it back!'' she gasped. Putrid puke pooled around her front hooves. The bull helpfully held out the empty beer stein. She filled it with a waterfall of vomit. He held it to her lips and lifted it with a cruel laugh. No! Jen thought. Her body just accepted it, though. She choked half of the giant mug of her own puke down before it made her spew chunks all over the patio. He poured the rest on her head.\n\nThere were still plenty of snacks and beer. The furs kept eating, drinking, pissing and puking while Hameron sobbed in the corner. The other two pigs were only getting more depraved. Hamilton made her finish her off even after she puked all over him mid blow job, and as for Hamish? That disgusting, unwashed pig lecherously held her in place and kissed her. He belched, drool dribbling from his lips. Jen braced herself for the horror she knew was coming. The heinous hog swamped her in grotesque, lumpy puke. ``Swalluh itthh you cuntthh!'' he slurred. He smacked her across the face and pulled her mouth open, then brought his to it. Jen struggled weakly. Please, no, his breath was bad enough. With a mighty gurgle he too started vomiting directly into her mouth. With every cramp of his stomach, his body pumped that putrid piggy puke right down the poor Donkey's throat. Slimy, clotted half digested sludge filled her stomach to bursting, but that nasty pig had been doing just that: pigging out all night. Jen practically drowned in the consequences of his heavy drinking. Jen rolled on her back, writhing in the putrid mess and slurping it off the patio. ``I hate this job!'' she gagged. ``Why am I doing this to myself?'' She was covered in food, beer, urine and vomit. Her ass was still plugged. Her gut felt like it was going to explode!\n\n``Holy shit, this chick really has no limits!'' laughed Hamish. ``I bet she'd even eat our...'' His bulging beer gut rumbled. ``I hope so. The bathroom's out of commission, so you'd better eat it.''\n\n``Okay that's a little too far,'' babbled Jen. ``You're joking, right? Urine's sterile, you know? Puking on me's pretty bad, but you can't just assume I'll do anything. This has to be illegal. It's cruel and unsanitary punishment. Oh my god please don't.'' But she was already sniffing the pig's foul, swampy butt. He blew a massive beer and pizza fart in her face, causing her to vomit again. That only made room in her stomach for what was to come. Before her very eyes, his piggy pucker, the dreadful orifice beneath that squiggly curly tail, opened wide and a huge log of horrendous pig shit crowned, drooped, then plopped into the puddle of puke. Jen shuddered. Another serpent of filth slid over her head, smearing itself through the greasy vomit coating.\n\n``Somebody get this bitch a plate!'' someone laughed.\n\nThe pig filled the plate with a mountain of intolerable fecal matter. Animals were holding their noses and puking from the stench. Jen couldn't hold her nose with hooves though, she could only inhale the ghoulish odor of her client's bowel movement. Her eyes watered. ``Do I really have to do this?''\n\n``Eat it, slut!'' jeered Hamish.\n\n``You really are a pig,'' she said. She took a big bite. It tasted so bad she almost gave up, but she had to be brave and give 110% to her job. ``Come on, Jen, be a team player,'' she groaned as she choked down the foul, clay like mass. No words could even come close to describing how mind shatteringly putrid the taste was. Nothing she could ever do would be as bad as this. Jen kept crying, but she didn't give up until she'd eaten the entire pile. She'd done it! Now could her shift be over?\n\nAlas, it couldn't, since there were over a dozen other furs waiting. With no working bathroom, she was the only substitute. She rolled over on her back and let the rabbit squat. Rotten, creamy shit squorched out of his sphincter, filling her mouth. She choked it down, but then the bear pressed his buttocks right to her lips. His enormous turd slithered right down her throat like the cock of that infamous man from Nantucket. She slurped and smacked, licking his fetid asshole, then opening wide for the next male.\n\nBut the poor donkey's struggles were in vain, for with seventeen guys all with the beer shits and only one toilet, it was inevitable that they'd try to use her two or three at a time. The rat squirted something that was thick and sloppy, but not exactly solid onto her chest and belly while one of the dogs present fed her. Another load of greasy scat coated one of her hind legs, slithering down to her crotch. The buck bent over and ass-aulted her with a hailstorm of overly soft deer pellets.\n\nShe ate, and ate, until she burst. She retched, with thick, clogging feces oozing back out her mouth. Huge pressures battered her buttplug, but still it held firm. ``I'm as clogged as the toilet now,'' she gurgled. ``You'd better stop using me. What did I just say?''\n\nJen heaved up a massive amount of puke, making more room in her stomach. The ram demanded that she wipe his wooly ass with her tongue. Wow, she thought, it really was impossible to get wool clean. Her boss was right to subject her to this horrible pigsty instead of her ovine coworkers. Even so, she'd never feel clean again. The ram had diarrhea, and it was oppressively rancid. SPLURRRTT. FFFORRRT, SPLLRGGLUBBLLRUBLUUBLURRRBBTT. With the most inconcievably ketchup bottley of sounds, he sharted greasy, lactose intolerant hershey squirts right into her mouth.\n\nFor hours the orgy of toilet horrors continued. Jen was tied up, blindfolded, gagged with dirty skidmarked briefs, and spanked with a riding crop. She moaned and writhed in the filth, letting the disgusting pigs smear her entire body with excrement. Hamish roughly jammed his fingers into her, making her bray with pained arousal. Her stomach was so taut and bloated now.\n\nThe keg wasn't empty yet, so Hamish and Hamilton decided to butt chug some beer. After filling his ass with the foaming liquid, Hamish sat down on her face, wedging Jen between his dirty cheeks, and unleashed hell. Frothing, foaming, splattering liquid shit defiled the slutty donkey. Her maw filled with the abysmal combination of the flavors of cheap beer and pig manure. She choked down gulp after gulp, but he kept spewing thicker and thicker muck until Jen was choking on wet, slimy butt boogers. Hamilton was just as depraved as his brother, and firehosed the repugnant contents of his bowels all over the dripping donkey.\n\n``GGGLLACKK!'' she choked. She turned her head to the side and vomited some more. She had to make room while she could. Another big, furry ass smothered her, and whoever it was fingered her while having nonstop, putrid diarrhea in her face, swamping her with degrading spouts of liquid shit. She was so overstimulated that the lightest touch to her clit made her jerk and twitch, shaking and spluttering muddy turd soup. Mushy, creamy shit plopped down on her tongue. She retched on that ludicrously unwholesome flavor. His stomach was really upset now. But she needed to get off. He had to finish her. YES!\n\nSoft, mushy turds filled her maw to the brim at the moment of her climax. The disgusting fur on top of her grunted as his bowels violently emptied down her throat. She shuddered, gurgled, and subsided into the lake of shit around her.\n\n``Wow, we really ruined that donkey,'' Hamish said. ``I can't believe she came from that.''\n\n``What a whore. Totally shameless,'' agreed Hamilton. ``I gotta pee again. Let's give her a shower.''\n\n``Uh oh,'' someone said. ``I think my ride's here.''\n\nOne by one, the party guests dwindled. One fur after another cleaned himself up with the hose and went home. Hamish and Hamilton were completely trashed.\n\n``Man! URRRRP! What a party!'' Hamish patted his stomach. ``Ain't that right, little bro?''\n\n``Yeah! It's about time we finally got you to act like a REAL pig, right? And got you laid too!'' Hamilton slapped Hameron hard on the back which made him stumble forward. He stared at his brother with a goofy grin that turned to a perplexed grimace. The pig squinted through his beer goggles. ``Hey, wait a minute... you don't look like you've been partyin'. Have you been standing there like a fucking loser nerd this whole time?''\n\nHameron flinched. It was plain to see, even for the very drunk donkey. He was still in his clothes, and spotless other than the handprint his brother had just left on his pristine shirt.\n\n``What? No! I had a turn with her a while ago, before you and your friends made all this mess! You must have been getting more food or watching football or something, but I - I totally had sexual intercourse with her, and I ejaculated inside her vagina! I'm a real pig now!'' the pig stammered. He looked pleadingly at Jen, but the donkey was too wasted to take the hint.\n\n``No you didn't,'' she answered, unwittingly dooming the pig. ``You've just been standing around awkwardly and  - hic - panicking about how your house is all messy.'' She realized her mistake when she saw the horrified look on Hameron's face. She felt kind of sorry for him. \n\n``Have you even ate or drank anything?'' asked Hamish.\n\nHameron cringed in disgust. ``For some strange reason I haven't had much of an appetite. But I have been drinking! I'm just pacing myself since it's my first time. In fact, I feel ready for bed right now, ha ha, look how drunk I am! I'm going to go throw up and then pass out on the bathroom carpet because that's what binge drinkers like me do!''\n\n``Hold on, it's only 9:30!'' Hamish stumbled in front of the door and blocked it. ``And what kind of loser paces himself on his 21st birthday!''\n\n``A responsible adult - I mean, certainly not me!'' Hameron stammered. ``That was a joke, I've been shotgunning beers all night long!''\n\n``How'd you shotgun `em? We got a keg!'' said Hamilton. Hameron gulped. He bent down and sniffed him, which his brother recoiled at. ``But the party's not over yet, and you haven't been enjoying your present!''\n\nJen really felt bad now. ``Wait!'' she said. ``It's a birthday party isn't it? What about the cake? That's what you're missing, the cake! Everybody loves cake, right?''\n\n``Oh yeah, the cake!'' Hamish remembered. ``Yeah, we should've done the cake before everybody left. Fuckit, it's time for cake! I'll be right back!'' He went in the house.\n\n``Remember to wash your hands before handling food!'' Hameron called after him. ``Oh dear god, does this mean he's lighting candles? If he sets the house on fire, my insurance premiums -'' \n\nIt's not me, it's the character! Stop booing! Fuck you guys! I'm the narrator, not you! Me! I have the power! I'm taking a break, if you don't like my narration, the exit's that way!\n\nIf you want to hear the conclusion of this stunningly sordid and erotic, very sexy and not at all boring fairy tale of the Three Little Pigs, one dirty donkey, and the financial system of the magical kingdom, stick around for Part 2.\n\n[i]To Be Continued[/i]"
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