{
  "description": "[center][q]Hold still, while I mount you.[/q][/center]\n[right][i]—Jack Black, [b]authentic canon in-game dialogue[/b][/i][/right]\n\nI'm [i]hoping[/i] I'm not so old that I'm the only one to remember the metal music juggernaut Brütal Legend! There are plenty of creatures, big, small, and absolutely [i][b]huge[/b][/i] in the bestiary of buggers that dwell within Ormagöden's kingdom of the Brütal Land. But when I first journeyed into the Swamp of the Infinite Mire and as soon as I laid my eyes on that massive black beauty....I immediately said \"Oh, I'm going chest-to-back [b]doggystyle[/b] on that sweet tail of hers.\"\n\nAnd I was actually correct—the Lazer Panther is canonically female! (At least the ones Eddie rides are) So, I had my fun gazing upon these lovely, lithe (and also, enormous—in game, they're actually taller than [i]Eddie[/i] is) creatures. So I re-downloaded the classic and snapped some reference shots(honestly forgot that she had so many markings on her body) and asked [iconname]McFan[/iconname] for a picture! \n\nShe's [i][b]deep[/b][/i] in her heat, and the sticky humid jungle air only makes things worse. She's not searing your flesh with her red-hot stare...but that might change if you don't sear [b][u]hers[/u][/b]. 😈\n\nHope you all enjoy!"
}