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      "writing": "[b]Part 1[/b]\n\nOnce upon a time, in a land you are probably familiar with from fairy tales and nursery rhymes, there was a city. In that city there were all sorts of businesses, like butchers, bakers, candlestick makers, woodcutters who hunted wolves as a side hustle, as well as spinners, weavers, window washers, cesspit cleaners, bureaucrats, and many other more or less glamorous professions, but the city's economy isn't really important to this story. What is important is something you don't often hear about in fairy tales, and even less in nursery rhymes: Sex. The dirty deed, the horizontal tango, making love, and many other words including, of course, fucking.\n\nBut this too was a business, for thanks to some permissive policies put in place by a wise and open minded king, the city was home to a variety of ``Novelty shops,'' burlesque clubs, houses of every degree of repute, and castles with dungeons under them, that catered to every taste and species. This was very good for tax revenue - okay, fine, enough about the economy, I promise! Anyway, a ways down the road from Mother Goose's House of Delights, there was a traveling petting zoo, the kind that rents animals out to parties for guests to play with and also sometimes rents bouncy castles. But this was a very special petting zoo: an adults-only petting zoo. A Heavy Petting Zoo, if you will. It specialized in catering to certain unusual tastes: it provided its services to very rowdy, debaucherous parties that often happened late at night, and the guests were allowed to touch the animals as inappropriately as they wanted. The animals were all talking animals of course, because otherwise that would be fucked up, but they were the four legged kind (other than three chickens and a goose), which many still think is weird. They were all employees, of course, and enjoyed their jobs as much as anyone can really enjoy a job. They weren't unionized, and they didn't even have Dental, but they were paid 12 copper farthings per hour, which sounds low but considering the inflation rate of fantasy kingdoms it was above the median wage for the area, and they did get room and board - wait, come back, I swear I'll shut up about the economy!\n\nAnyway, the petting zoo had all kinds of animals. There were the chickens and goose I mentioned, there were sheep, there were ponies, there were llamas, there were goats, and there was a miniature donkey, who is the subject of this sordid tale, or rather, ``tail.''\n\nThe donkey, who was imaginatively named Jen, stood in her boss's office, arguing with him. ``But it's my day off!'' she brayed stubbornly, and stamped her hoof on the floor.\n\n``I know it is, Jenny,'' her boss said smarmily and slicked back his combover. ``But we're understaffed here and we need all hands on dick - I mean deck. I mean hooves, for you. That's a metaphor, no hooves on dick unless the customer asks for it. The point is, everyone else is booked, sick, on vacation, or can't handle a job like this.''\n\n``I told you not to call me Jenny,'' said Jen. ``Only my friends and family call me that.''\n\n``Well, we're all a family here at Touching Tails, right? Come on, Jenny, this is a difficult customer, and no girl at this petting zoo can take a pounding like you.''\n\n``That makes it worse! I always get the problem customers! The weirdos! The freaks!''\n\n``I give you harder jobs because you're our top performer. Where's your team spirit? I need 110% from you!''\n\n``I am giving 110%! This whole week's been awful! On Sunday I was plowed and seeded by every farmer in the whole dell, Monday I had that weird guy who always puts his wife in a pumpkin shell and makes me eat my way to her, then eat her out. On Tuesday I got Rumpleforeskin again, and his smegma was worse than ever! Then Wednesday was that dirty old man from Nantucket, and he shoved it so far down my throat it almost came out the other end! I spent Thursday rub a dub dubbing in a tub with guess who? The butcher, the baker, and the candlestick maker! I still have hot wax in my tail! And yesterday was the worst of all: All the King's men, and all the King's horses too! Do you know what you get when you make a miniature donkey take all those big, tall war stallions?''\n\nHer boss looked blank. ``A medium sized mule?''\n\n``No!'' she brayed. ``A very sore donkey! I'm going to walk funny for weeks after that! I think they rearranged my internal organs!''\n\n``Hmm...'' Her boss got up from his desk. He walked around behind the donkey and lifted her tail. ``Still looks fine to me.'' He gave her rump a light smack. Jen ground her teeth. She was tender and bruised back there.\n\n``The horses weren't even the worst part,'' she complained. ``Ugh, I hate working knights! Oh, they're all chivalrous when they're on duty, but once they take off that shining armor and have a few drinks, urgh, I?m sick of servicing a bunch of gross pigs!''\n\nHer boss chuckled. ``Well, I've got bad news about your clients for today then.''\n\n``They'd better not be more knights.'' Her boss shook his head. ``Squires?'' He shook it again. ``Knaves? Lords? Dukes? Earls? Bishops? Rooks?\"\n\n``Colder.''\n\n``Then who the hell is it?''\n\n``Let's just say it's one of those dirty jobs.''\n\nNow she understood. ``No. Hell no.''\n\n``Please? I already told the clients I had a girl who'd do it.''\n\n``Then get somebody else to. I've had farmers, pumpkin guts, smegma, knights who've been sweating in their armor all day, grimy horses, crusty Nantucket sailors - even the tub was nasty!''\n\n``I'm sorry, Jenny, but the only other girl who's free is Maggie, and she's a sheep! Donkey fur's easier to wash than sheep wool. You've got to take one for the team sometimes!''\n\nJen thought about workplace discrimination laws, and whether making her work with the most unhygienic clients because of her fur texture was grounds for a lawsuit - Ouch! Oh come on, this isn't the economy, it's the legal system!\n\nWe apologize for the narration of this story. The narrator has been disciplined, and is now ready to read the story in a sexier way. We now return you to this production of Filthy Fairy Tales: An Ass Among the Swine.\n\nIt is not boring, you just don't appreciate verisimilitude in your porn about magical talking animals. It adds immersion. Fine, whatever.\n\nOnce upon a time, in fact, the same general time that it was once upon, there were three little pigs. I'm sure you've all heard of their encounters with the Big Bad Wolf. Well, the first and the second little pigs managed to escape from the wolf's slavering jaws, but they were left homeless after the villain's vicious attacks on their shoddily constructed dwellings and had to move in with their little brother. In a town that was really more of a suburb of the city, although it was outside of city limits, but within the same metropolitan area for census purposes, the three little pigs now lived together in a large, sturdy brick house. As for the Big Bad Wolf, he lived in an even sturdier concrete cell on the other side of town, where he was serving time on a ten year plea deal after being charged with over forty counts, including vandalism, burglary, stalking, menacing, criminal threats...\n\nOuch! Oh come on, that was criminal law! That's exciting isn't it? That tomato wasn't even ripe, that hurt!\n\nBunch of simple minded philistines... where was I? Once upon a time, Hameron, the third little pig, came home from work. He was a tax accountant, and had gone into the office on the weekend to give 110% like a real team player, which he didn't mind all that much because he got 150% overtime pay, a benefit which animals at adult petting zoos didn't get, although thanks to the King's tax reforms tips up to 5,000 shillings annually didn't count toward their taxable no no you don't need to throw that I'll make it sexy I swear!\n\nHameron came home from work after a long hard day of doing boring grown up things nobody cares about. He had totally forgotten that today was his 21st Birthday, but his older brothers, Hamish and Hamilton, had not. They weren't quite so little pigs anymore. Hamish and Hamilton weren't anyway, but Hameron was the runt of the litter. He dug his keys out of his pants pocket, for the three little pigs were talking animals of the kind that walks on two legs and wears clothes. ``Oh, I hope my brothers haven't turned the house into a pigsty again,'' he muttered. ``What a week. I just want to relax in my armchair with a nice book. Peace and quiet at last.''\n\nHe opened the door. ``SURPRISE!'' numerous voices shouted. The lights flicked on, to reveal over a dozen bipedal beasts Hameron didn't know crowded in his living room. He squealed in astonishment. The house was a disaster. He started to back away, but his brothers put their hands on his shoulders and steered him into the house.\n\n``Happy Birthday, little bro!'' said Hamish, the oldest pig, who'd built the straw house.\n\n``We got you a keg!'' bellowed Hamilton. ``Man, this party's gonna be awesome!'' He flipped his baseball cap around backwards.\n\n``A - a keg?'' Hameron stammered. ``I - that's very thoughtful of you, it's the thought that counts after all, but I didn't want - you didn't have to do all this for me!''\n\n``Of course we did, bro! You only turn 21 once!''\n\n``Guys, it's - it's been a stressful week.''\n\n``We know that, bro! Come one, it's time to loosen up and enjoy yourself!''\n\nLoud music with too much bass blasted from the speakers. There was football on TV, and fifteen strangers crowded in his living room.\n\n``Who are all these people?'' Hameron asked.\n\n``Oh. Well, we didn't really know who your friends were, but we couldn't ruin the surprise by asking, so we invited some of our buddies instead! This is Tod, from our frat, and Mike, also from our frat, and Jerry, who got kicked out of the frat but he's really cool.''\n\nThe party was horrible. Hameron sat on the couch in a daze. How could this be happening to him?\n\n``No! My coffee table! Use a coaster!'' he squealed. ``Wait, careful with that salsa around the couch!''\n\n``Huh?'' said Jerry, who was a big mastiff dog. He turned around with a double dipped chip in each hand. In the process, he knocked the bowl of salsa over and spilled it all over Hameron's white couch!\n\n``Nooooo!'' cried Hameron, falling to his knees in despair. ``This party can't get any worse...''\n\nBut he was wrong, for it was just then that there was a knock at the door.\n\n``I can't believe I let that asshole talk me into this...'' Jen grumbled as she was led up to the door on a rope. She was wearing a bridle, four fishnet leggings and a garter belt, and a sign that said: ``Jenny. She's a dirty girl and she likes it rough.'' She felt a faint glimmer of hope looking at the house. It was pretty clean and well kept on the outside, obviously good architecture too. Maybe this wouldn't be so bad. Then the door opened to the chaos and bedlam within. There were two tall and portly pigs in beer and sauce stained tank tops. A bunch of other animals were dancing, playing beer pong, and helping themselves to the snacks. Weren't there supposed to be three pigs? No, now she saw the third, standing there looking totally out of place in Business Casual attire, holding a roll of paper towels.\n\n``Mobile adults only Heavy Petting Zoo, right here!'' said the delivery guy. ``I got one slutty donkey for you to sign for!''\n\nThe tallest pig stumbled to the door. He grabbled the clipboard and scribbled a signature. The delivery guy took it back, carefully avoiding the grease and crumbs. ``Thank you sir.''\n\n``Who's this piece of ass?'' The other pig took Jenny's rope and slapped her ass.\n\n``Wow, never heard that one before,'' the donkey said with a roll of her eyes.\n\n``This is Jenny. She's all yours, all night. Don't be too gentle with her! There's a box of accessories out on the lawn. Have fun!'' He walked away back to the truck.\n\nJen's heart hammered as she was led into the living room to meet all the party guests. Fifteen obnoxious fratboys of many species, wearing shirts that said things like ``Neverland College beer pong champion'' and ``Varsity Burping.'' The house was a pigsty, with food stains and trash everywhere, and it smelled like sweat and unwashed farm animals. Then there were the pigs themselves, making eighteen males in all. The larger two were the most obnoxious of the bunch. As for the smaller and better dressed pig...\n\n``What the fuck? You guys hired a stripper for my party?''\n\n``Not just a stripper,'' said the largest pig. His belly button protruded from his crumb stained tank top. ``Happy Birthday, Hameron! Here's your present! Kiss your virginity goodbye!''\n\nA virgin? Well, that wasn't surprising. Not from a guy who showed up to a keg party in that outfit. The pig grinned nervously and waved. ``Oh my god, you're... oh, no.'' He was beginning to hyperventilate, Jen observed. ``For me?'' he whimpered. ``Guys, I know it's the thought that counts, but what were you thinking?''\n\n``We were thinking you really need to get laid, dude,'' said the middle pig, Hamilton.\n\n``That's what you assholes wanted! Not what I wanted! You guys are the worst brothers on the planet! So help me, I'm not kidding about charging you guys rent if you don't respect my boundaries more!''\n\nThat made things awkward. ``Wow, okay, sounds like we got some family drama,'' Jen said with a nervous laugh. ``So, are you guys triplets or something? I can really see the family resemblance!''\n\n``Ha ha. He's 24, he's 25,'' said Hameron. ``I'm really sorry for wasting your time, miss... Jenny, but can I get a refund for my well meaning but misguided brothers?''\n\n``Nope. Sorry. Paid up front, no refunds. Petting zoo credit only, but for parties all rentals are final.'' Jen hid the annoyance in her voice. She really didn't want to work today, but being rejected kind of stung.\n\n``I was afraid you'd say that. Oh, well...'' he hung his head sadly. ``Well, I guess it's time for me to retire to my room for tonight! It's been a really fun party, guys!'' said the pig with a forced smile. ``Let's go up to my room, uhh... sexy... stuff?'' He knelt down and whispered in her ear. ``Please play along. If my stupid brothers paid for you up front, it's free money to just hang out until they leave.''\n\nJen really didn't want to be the bearer of bad news. ``That's not how it works,'' she said. ``They paid for the party package.''\n\n``What does that mean?''\n\n``It means we didn't rent a donkey for you, we rented a donkey for everyone at the party!'' cheered Hamish. The whole room erupted into bellows and howls of delight.\n\n``Oh my God,'' said Hameron. ``Um... I think maybe I'll sit this round out?''\n\n``Whatever, bro. Hope you like sloppy seconds.'' Hamish pulled Jen into the center of the living room, while the other guests pushed furniture bag to clear a space. Jen felt the thrill of imminent violation coming. The truth was, she did enjoy jobs like this. Being rented out like a farm animal... used, abused, run ragged, and returned to the petting zoo tired, sore, and messy? Oh, it was making her knees tremble. She needed a week to recover from being used as a breeding mount for all those horses, but her boss was right. She was the only girl at the petting zoo who could handle a dozen rowdy, horny males at once all by herself. Seventeen was too many even for her, though, she thought. Her tail flagged automatically. Someone groped her thighs, spreading her legs aside, then felt lower down and squeezed her udder.\n\n``Come on, boys, step right up, form a neat and orderly queue... or don't,'' she said with a gulp as they crowded around her. ``Or you could just have a circle jerk on me. Oww, that's my tail! That is my personal tail, don't pull, were you guys raised in a barn? Heck, I was raised in a barn and I've got better manners.'' Someone's pants were down already. With a laugh the buck shoved his sweaty shorts in Jen's face. She gagged. ``Holy crap, you guys are nasty. You smell like you haven't taken more than five showers this year between all of you.''\n\nThe guys laughed and made her smell more of their discarded clothing, Stained socks, the armpits of a shirt that said ``Pull my finger,'' and musty XXL size underpants.\n\n``It's a good thing I was with Rumpleforeskin on Tuesday,'' she said, ``Because this is rancid. You're messy eaters too, wow. There's Cheeto dust, nacho cheese, I don't know if I can work under these conditions, somebody oughta call a health inspect - oof!'' A ram grabbed the donkey by the ears and pulled her to his crotch. His massive, veiny cock flopped over her face. His enormous, hairy scrotum tickled her nose with crotch hairs. Jen took a long, rancid whiff. An unseen guest was feeling up her rear: he pulled her garter belt tight and snapped it against her back. ``Ow! Careful with that, we charge a damages fee, you know!''\n\n``Wow, does she ever shut up?'' said Hamish.\n\n``I know a way to shut her up,'' said the buck.\n\nAnd so the gangbang began. Jen knew she'd brought this on herself, but they underestimated her ability to run her mouth even with a mouthful of unwashed penis. There were two stallions, though. She'd really had enough of horse dick after yesterday, but she bravely soldiered on even though they nearly thrust into her stomach! The two less little pigs mounted her first, then the mastiff and a rat, Others took their turns getting wet, sloppy blowjobs, while others simply masturbated over her.\n\n``Ulg,'' she said, withdrawing her mouth from one leaking cock while another spurted against her back. ``Well don't hold back now, you're already paying dry cleaning for these stockings, you might as well make a mess of me.'' She was dripping cum. The little donkey looked like she'd been in an accident in a silly string factory.\n\n``Oh, we will!'' said Hamish. ``Hey guys, who wants another round of snacks?''\n\n``I hate my life,'' mumbled Hameron from where he stood by the wall, watching the mayhem.\n\nJen was soon even more grossed out. These guys were so depraved that they'd happily go down on her or chug their beers while they had their way with her. And they had an endless variety of messy snacks, with no table manners. Chip crumbs, nacho cheese, pizza, ranch dressing, and all manner of sauces, as well as lots of spilled beer, soon fouled her coat. As the party got drunker and rowdier, they started offering her food as well, and worse, beer. Cheap, nasty, room temperature beer.\n\nShe knew it was a bad idea to drink on the job, as well as against company policy, but she was sick of her boss's shit tonight. She needed a fucking drink to get through this shift. Maybe three or four. They poured cups of it down her throat. After a couple drinks, her appetite came back. She hadn't had any lunch before coming here, so why not enjoy the free meal? Nachos, mac and cheese, a whole cup of ranch, artichoke dip, and so much beer and so, so much cum.\n\nSoon Jen remembered why this was a bad idea. Her stomach ached. It started to gurgle. Beer and greasy bar foods would have wreaked havoc on a full sized donkey's intestines, let alone a small one like her! This didn't bode well for her, or for the bathroom. She just had to pee right now but much worse was in her future. She was about to excuse herself when someone shouted: ``Hey guys! How about a game!''\n\n``I know! Pin the tail on the donkey!''\n\n``Hang on. I've already got a perfectly good tail right here,'' Jen said. But Hamilton was already opening a box of tail buttplugs on the coffee table. ``What the fuck?'' she gasped. ``When did they add those sizes?''\n\nThe players took turns trying to pin a tail under the one Jen was born with. They were drunk enough to not really need blindfolds, and they mostly missed their mark, but every time one succeeded, they moved up to a bigger size of plug. Jen endured the game in increasing agony. At least they were using lube, but the plugs were getting comically sized now.\n\n``Oh my god, you could block an elephant's butt with that thing,'' she said as a rat stumbled towards her. She pressed her tail protectively over her business end. ``It's game over boys, there's no way that thing'll even fi - YEEIIIIKKES!'' she brayed. ``Oh shit I was wrong! Ow, ow, ow, oh my - HEE HAW! Don't just yank it out! You guys are gonna put me in diapers!''\n\nSadly for her, there were still five more sizes of plug to go, and they didn't stop until the last one, a glittery pink unicorn tail monstrosity with an oblong head the size of a large mango, was rammed home with two men holding her shoulders, a third pulling her legs apart, and a fourth delivering the megalithic silicone suppository with all the grace of a sledgehammer. ``AAAAARGGH!'' Jen brayed in pain. It felt like she was being split in half! ``Holy shit!'' she gasped. ``If this doesn't end my career I'll be fucking elephants after this! Why did they buy this weapon of ass destruction? Get it? Ass destruction? Anybody? Oh, come on - OOLLGGCKK! Another girthy meat missile in the mouth silenced her again.\n\nJen was really tipsy now, but the beer couldn't erase her discomfort. She was bloated, clogged, and she needed a bathroom so badly now. If she wasn't now hobbled with ropes she would have waddled to the bathroom, but right now she needed permission, and for that she needed the presence of mind to stop her drunken babbling and beg. The partygoers were buzzed enough to find her chatter hilarious, and Jen loved the attention. She stood on the coffee table, yammering about whatever topic she could think of, from sports to the weather to the intricacies of the city's tax code. Even Hameron, who was otherwise catatonic, perked up a little at that one. Jen was loving the attention, but oh, man, her bladder was going to explode, and this plug was ruining her rear. She didn't know what was going to happen when it came out either. She belched. So much grease, cheese, and beer.\n\nThen, the true disaster struck. The ram came back from the bathroom with a sheepish look. ``Uh, bad news guys,'' he said. ``The toilet's clogged. Also, you're out of toilet paper.''\n\n``WHAT?'' yelled Hameron. He raced to the scene of the crime and returned, green in the face. ``How did you even manage that?'' he spluttered.\n\n``Sorry. Beer and nachos, you know how it goes. And it's not easy wiping with wool, so I had to use most of a roll.''\n\nThe youngest pig now had a crazed look in his eye now. ``Think on the bright side, Hameron. Think on the bright side,'' he muttered to himself. Well, my, uhh, acquaintances, the bathroom's definitely out of commission for tonight. I don't think a plunger can save that toilet, and I'm not calling a plumber in to all of this mayhem. Guess you'd all better go home and then my brothers can clean this fucking mess up!''\n\n``We don't have a designated driver,'' said one of the stallions. ``Our ride doesn't get here for a while.''\n\n``Don't worry, guys,'' slurred Hamish. ``We can head out to the - URPPP! The backyard!''\n\n``The backyard!'' cheered everyone else, even Hameron. ``Party in the backyard!'' The youngest pig added: ``That's a great idea! Go make a mess out there instead of in my living room!''\n\nJen was dragged through the house and out the door. They gathered on the back patio.\n\n``I don't think we thought this through,'' said a grizzly bear guest. ``There's no bathroom out here. I've really gotta take a leak.''\n\n``Well, Mi Casa is Zoo Casa,'' said Hamilton.\n\n``No it isn't! It's my casa!'' snapped Hameron.\n\n``Hey, I know!'' said the mastiff. ``Let's play pin the pee on the donkey!''\n\n``That doesn't make any sense,'' replied the bear. ``How do you peen piss, I mean ponk pee, I... how many have I had?''\n\n``Who's counting? I lost count of how much I've drunk but it's all goin' right through me. Let's pee on her!''\n\n``Wait a minute!'' cried Jen. ``I didn't agree to this! You can't just use me as a bathroom!''\n\n``Come on!'' drawled Hamish. ``Can't you take one for the team? We're bursting here!'' He finished chugging another huge mug of beer, which would only add to the liquid in his bladder.\n\nTake one for the team. Those words echoed hypnotically in Jen's equine skull. Give 110%. Family Drama. We're a family here! So nasty. So disgusting. So filthy. She dropped her ears flat and whined. The worst part was, she knew that she in fact had no right to refuse. Her rental agreement stated that the customer could do whatever they wanted to her, no matter how humiliating or degrading, including with whatever bodily fluids they had on hand. She'd never imagined that it could be cruelly interpreted as requiring her to submit to being a urinal, or worse, since she'd never dreamed a client could be that sick and twisted, but under the kingdom's employment law, Ow! Stop throwing things!\n\nWhile the narrator was being cruelly assaulted by uncultured philistines who didn't understand that complete loss of autonomy by means of the fine print in a contract was extremely sexy and exactly what the perverted audience asked for, if they could just appreciate it, the donkey mumbled: ``I guess I don't have a choice'' and stared up with apprehensive dismay at the bear taking aim over her.\n\nHe began pissing all over the poor donkey, drenching her back in a torrent of warm yellow liquid. A long, arduous, humiliating golden shower, leaving her dripping and completely ashamed that this was still turning her on. She let the second animal to use the new urinal let loose right on her head, drenching her completely, and as for the third? That repugnant rat made her open her mouth. Foul, acrid rodent piss, reeking of cheap beer, flooded her gullet. This was horrible. No, this was too much. She couldn't take it. She looked at Hameron with pleading eyes, begging him to rescue her from this torment, but the cowardly pig just watched with a guilty expression as two partygoers started shamelessly pissing all over her back.\n\nJen started swallowing. Such humiliation. Not even a four legged animal should be treated with such cruelty, yet here she was, losing her last precious shred of professional and personal dignity. What a worthless, slutty farm animal she was, not even charging extra for such cruel and unusually degrading acts as golden showers. She giggled drunkenly. ``Anything goes!'' she said. ``Make as much a mess of me as - hic! You can! My day off's already ruined!'' she started to sob. ``I have no work life balance! I've lost control of my life because I'm a pushover who can't say no to my boss! Look at what a dirty ass I am!'' A camera clicked. ``That's right, take all the pictures you want! The petting zoo has rights to use them commercially but otherwise you can - uggglglglgl! Send my family alllll the pictures of me drinking strange men's PISS!'' she gurgled. She let her mouth fill. Terrible! She didn't want this! She swallowed. Her instincts recoiled at the foul, musky liquid. ``I have no love life because I'm always at work, getting my holes destroyed for twelve farthings an hour!''\n\n``You can get make twelve farthings an hour doing this?'' said a wolf (not the big bad one. He was scrawny, and quite mild mannered when he wasn't at parties). ``Man, maybe I'm in the wrong career.'' \n\nA stallion gave him a weird look. ``Bro, I'm not saying I wouldn't, like, do stripteases for twelve an hour. Maybe even lap dances, if I had paid sick days and dental, but she's literally getting pissed on. That's gross, man, no way.'' He hypocritically took aim and started hosing her down with his thirteen inch horse dong.\n\n``Would you do it for a million?'' said the wolf.\n\n``An hour? In this economy? Hell yeah.''\n\n``So you're saying you have a price.''\n\n``All I'm saying is a million farthings is a lot of money.'' The stallion directed his raging, foamy stream of kidney filtered beer over the donkey's face. She let her mouth flood, and noticed that his urine didn't really taste worse than the cheap beer it had once been.\n\n``Yeah that's how prices work, man. So we're just arguing over numbers.''\n\n``A million farthings is, uhh, a fuckton times bigger than twelve, dude. You seriously don't see the difference between saying you'd let people piss on you for so much money you'd never have to work again and doing it for just a normal job amount?''\n\n``It's more then I'm making now. I'm only getting paid ten.''\n\n``Your self respect is worth TWO farthings an hour?''\n\n``I work retail, man, I'm selling my self respect either way! Every damn week I have to scrub toilets even though it's not in my job description.''\n\n``Scrubbing toilets is better than being one!'' argued the stallion. He was still reducing the donkey to just such a commode-ified object, and his stream showed no signs of slowing down. ``You know what, let's bet on it, I'll pay you twelve farthings and piss on you instead.''\n\nThe wolf made a flustered whimpering noise and tucked his tail between his legs to hide a boner.\n\n``What? That's you, it's different! You're my friend, that's way more awkward than getting pissed on by strangers you don't have to see again!''\n\n``You could run into somebody who remembers you at the grocery store or something. What if they walked up and were like hey, how's it going, you're the guy who likes drinking piss aren't you?''\n\n``Shit, I didn't think of that. Anyway, I was thinking, like, hot chicks doing it, you know? No offense but I wouldn't let you piss on me for just twelve an hour.''\n\n``How much then?''\n\n``Fifty. No, a hundred.''\n\n``Well I'm not willing to pay a hundred bucks to piss on you, because you aren't a hot chick either. It's simple supply and demand.''\n\n``Fine, 25 then!''\n\n``Deal. Wait, what'd I just agree too... fuck it.'' The horse reached for his hip. ``Shit. Where's my wallet.'' He turned and stared at his friend in horror. ``Bro, what happened to my wallet?''\n\n``Probably in your pants,'' said the wolf. It was then that he noticed that the naked stallion had obliviously turned around, still peeing, and was now splashing his belly and legs with a faucet of foul piss. ``Hey! What the fuck, man!''\n\n``What? Oh, shit, sorry.''\n\n``You owe me 25 farthings now!''\n\nThe pair's argument was amusing to the donkey, but when they want off to find the stallion's wallet, she returned to her state of debaucherous depression. ``And he always makes me service the dirtiest, rudest, most horrible clients!'' she blubbered. ``And I always say yes because he guilts me about being a team player, but then `e just thinks being filthy's all I'm good for!''\n\n``I think you might have had too much,'' said the bear.\n\n``I haven't had enough!'' sputtered Jen. ``I need more!''\n\n``If you say so.'' The bull looked at his empty mug. ``Fuck I'm so full. I'm not walking all the way back to the keg like this.'' He held the mug below his crotch and took aim. Jen watched with horror and lust as churning, frothing, foaming liquid rose higher and higher in the huge beer stein, filling it to the brim with cloudy bovine brew. He held it to her lips.\n\n``Um, that's not the liquid I meant!'' she stammered. ``I just wanna get so drunk I can call in sick with a hangover tomorrow, not...''\n\n``Chug! Chug! Chug! Chug!'' the partiers were cheering a minute later. She tried to resist, but they held her nose and ears and tipped her head back. Jen was miserably swallowing gulp after gulp of warm, sour bull piss. Her stomach was so painfully full. It tasted so foul. But she had to keep drinking until she forgot the shame of drinking this loathsome liquid.\n\n``Holy shit that's gross,'' someone said. ``Oh god. HEEURRGGGGGLHHHGLLARRGGHLLL!''\n\nThe donkey went rigid in shock as a torrent of beer and half digested snacks thundered down on her back. Hot and slimy. He'd puked on her. This just kept getting worse. It smelled so bad. She gagged. She was going to throw up soon too. But not before Hamilton leaned over and unloaded his alcohol filled stomach over her head in a hideous multicolored waterfall. Jen gasped and coughed.\n\n``That's nasty.'' The mastiff waded into the puddle of pig puke and started peeing on her. But with his bladder halfway empty, the smell overpowered him and he too started horking up rancid dog vomit. He fell to his knees and pulled the helpless donkey into a sloppy open mouthed kiss. His tongue went deep in her mouth. He convulsed. Jen stiffened in shock. Hot, bitterly boozy vomit surged up his throat and right down hers. It was so disgusting that somebody else puked on her too.\n\nJen's stomach could take no more. When he staggered away, wiping his mouth on his sleeve, she clenched and retched. HEURRRGGGHH! ``Oh, fuck. Oh my god. This isn't even biologically possible, but you guys are so gross I can't hold it back!'' she gasped. Putrid puke pooled around her front hooves. The bull helpfully held out the empty beer stein. She filled it with a waterfall of vomit. He held it to her lips and lifted it with a cruel laugh. No! Jen thought. Her body just accepted it, though. She choked half of the giant mug of her own puke down before it made her spew chunks all over the patio. He poured the rest on her head.\n\nThere were still plenty of snacks and beer. The furs kept eating, drinking, pissing and puking while Hameron sobbed in the corner. The other two pigs were only getting more depraved. Hamilton made her finish her off even after she puked all over him mid blow job, and as for Hamish? That disgusting, unwashed pig lecherously held her in place and kissed her. He belched, drool dribbling from his lips. Jen braced herself for the horror she knew was coming. The heinous hog swamped her in grotesque, lumpy puke. ``Swalluh itthh you cuntthh!'' he slurred. He smacked her across the face and pulled her mouth open, then brought his to it. Jen struggled weakly. Please, no, his breath was bad enough. With a mighty gurgle he too started vomiting directly into her mouth. With every cramp of his stomach, his body pumped that putrid piggy puke right down the poor Donkey's throat. Slimy, clotted half digested sludge filled her stomach to bursting, but that nasty pig had been doing just that: pigging out all night. Jen practically drowned in the consequences of his heavy drinking. Jen rolled on her back, writhing in the putrid mess and slurping it off the patio. ``I hate this job!'' she gagged. ``Why am I doing this to myself?'' She was covered in food, beer, urine and vomit. Her ass was still plugged. Her gut felt like it was going to explode!\n\n``Holy shit, this chick really has no limits!'' laughed Hamish. ``I bet she'd even eat our...'' His bulging beer gut rumbled. ``I hope so. The bathroom's out of commission, so you'd better eat it.''\n\n``Okay that's a little too far,'' babbled Jen. ``You're joking, right? Urine's sterile, you know? Puking on me's pretty bad, but you can't just assume I'll do anything. This has to be illegal. It's cruel and unsanitary punishment. Oh my god please don't.'' But she was already sniffing the pig's foul, swampy butt. He blew a massive beer and pizza fart in her face, causing her to vomit again. That only made room in her stomach for what was to come. Before her very eyes, his piggy pucker, the dreadful orifice beneath that squiggly curly tail, opened wide and a huge log of horrendous pig shit crowned, drooped, then plopped into the puddle of puke. Jen shuddered. Another serpent of filth slid over her head, smearing itself through the greasy vomit coating.\n\n``Somebody get this bitch a plate!'' someone laughed.\n\nThe pig filled the plate with a mountain of intolerable fecal matter. Animals were holding their noses and puking from the stench. Jen couldn't hold her nose with hooves though, she could only inhale the ghoulish odor of her client's bowel movement. Her eyes watered. ``Do I really have to do this?''\n\n``Eat it, slut!'' jeered Hamish.\n\n``You really are a pig,'' she said. She took a big bite. It tasted so bad she almost gave up, but she had to be brave and give 110% to her job. ``Come on, Jen, be a team player,'' she groaned as she choked down the foul, clay like mass. No words could even come close to describing how mind shatteringly putrid the taste was. Nothing she could ever do would be as bad as this. Jen kept crying, but she didn't give up until she'd eaten the entire pile. She'd done it! Now could her shift be over?\n\nAlas, it couldn't, since there were over a dozen other furs waiting. With no working bathroom, she was the only substitute. She rolled over on her back and let the rabbit squat. Rotten, creamy shit squorched out of his sphincter, filling her mouth. She choked it down, but then the bear pressed his buttocks right to her lips. His enormous turd slithered right down her throat like the cock of that infamous man from Nantucket. She slurped and smacked, licking his fetid asshole, then opening wide for the next male.\n\nBut the poor donkey's struggles were in vain, for with seventeen guys all with the beer shits and only one toilet, it was inevitable that they'd try to use her two or three at a time. The rat squirted something that was thick and sloppy, but not exactly solid onto her chest and belly while one of the dogs present fed her. Another load of greasy scat coated one of her hind legs, slithering down to her crotch. The buck bent over and ass-aulted her with a hailstorm of overly soft deer pellets.\n\nShe ate, and ate, until she burst. She retched, with thick, clogging feces oozing back out her mouth. Huge pressures battered her buttplug, but still it held firm. ``I'm as clogged as the toilet now,'' she gurgled. ``You'd better stop using me. What did I just say?''\n\nJen heaved up a massive amount of puke, making more room in her stomach. The ram demanded that she wipe his wooly ass with her tongue. Wow, she thought, it really was impossible to get wool clean. Her boss was right to subject her to this horrible pigsty instead of her ovine coworkers. Even so, she'd never feel clean again. The ram had diarrhea, and it was oppressively rancid. SPLURRRTT. FFFORRRT, SPLLRGGLUBBLLRUBLUUBLURRRBBTT. With the most inconcievably ketchup bottley of sounds, he sharted greasy, lactose intolerant hershey squirts right into her mouth.\n\nFor hours the orgy of toilet horrors continued. Jen was tied up, blindfolded, gagged with dirty skidmarked briefs, and spanked with a riding crop. She moaned and writhed in the filth, letting the disgusting pigs smear her entire body with excrement. Hamish roughly jammed his fingers into her, making her bray with pained arousal. Her stomach was so taut and bloated now.\n\nThe keg wasn't empty yet, so Hamish and Hamilton decided to butt chug some beer. After filling his ass with the foaming liquid, Hamish sat down on her face, wedging Jen between his dirty cheeks, and unleashed hell. Frothing, foaming, splattering liquid shit defiled the slutty donkey. Her maw filled with the abysmal combination of the flavors of cheap beer and pig manure. She choked down gulp after gulp, but he kept spewing thicker and thicker muck until Jen was choking on wet, slimy butt boogers. Hamilton was just as depraved as his brother, and firehosed the repugnant contents of his bowels all over the dripping donkey.\n\n``GGGLLACKK!'' she choked. She turned her head to the side and vomited some more. She had to make room while she could. Another big, furry ass smothered her, and whoever it was fingered her while having nonstop, putrid diarrhea in her face, swamping her with degrading spouts of liquid shit. She was so overstimulated that the lightest touch to her clit made her jerk and twitch, shaking and spluttering muddy turd soup. Mushy, creamy shit plopped down on her tongue. She retched on that ludicrously unwholesome flavor. His stomach was really upset now. But she needed to get off. He had to finish her. YES!\n\nSoft, mushy turds filled her maw to the brim at the moment of her climax. The disgusting fur on top of her grunted as his bowels violently emptied down her throat. She shuddered, gurgled, and subsided into the lake of shit around her.\n\n``Wow, we really ruined that donkey,'' Hamish said. ``I can't believe she came from that.''\n\n``What a whore. Totally shameless,'' agreed Hamilton. ``I gotta pee again. Let's give her a shower.''\n\n``Uh oh,'' someone said. ``I think my ride's here.''\n\nOne by one, the party guests dwindled. One fur after another cleaned himself up with the hose and went home. Hamish and Hamilton were completely trashed.\n\n``Man! URRRRP! What a party!'' Hamish patted his stomach. ``Ain't that right, little bro?''\n\n``Yeah! It's about time we finally got you to act like a REAL pig, right? And got you laid too!'' Hamilton slapped Hameron hard on the back which made him stumble forward. He stared at his brother with a goofy grin that turned to a perplexed grimace. The pig squinted through his beer goggles. ``Hey, wait a minute... you don't look like you've been partyin'. Have you been standing there like a fucking loser nerd this whole time?''\n\nHameron flinched. It was plain to see, even for the very drunk donkey. He was still in his clothes, and spotless other than the handprint his brother had just left on his pristine shirt.\n\n``What? No! I had a turn with her a while ago, before you and your friends made all this mess! You must have been getting more food or watching football or something, but I - I totally had sexual intercourse with her, and I ejaculated inside her vagina! I'm a real pig now!'' the pig stammered. He looked pleadingly at Jen, but the donkey was too wasted to take the hint.\n\n``No you didn't,'' she answered, unwittingly dooming the pig. ``You've just been standing around awkwardly and  - hic - panicking about how your house is all messy.'' She realized her mistake when she saw the horrified look on Hameron's face. She felt kind of sorry for him. \n\n``Have you even ate or drank anything?'' asked Hamish.\n\nHameron cringed in disgust. ``For some strange reason I haven't had much of an appetite. But I have been drinking! I'm just pacing myself since it's my first time. In fact, I feel ready for bed right now, ha ha, look how drunk I am! I'm going to go throw up and then pass out on the bathroom carpet because that's what binge drinkers like me do!''\n\n``Hold on, it's only 9:30!'' Hamish stumbled in front of the door and blocked it. ``And what kind of loser paces himself on his 21st birthday!''\n\n``A responsible adult - I mean, certainly not me!'' Hameron stammered. ``That was a joke, I've been shotgunning beers all night long!''\n\n``How'd you shotgun `em? We got a keg!'' said Hamilton. Hameron gulped. He bent down and sniffed him, which his brother recoiled at. ``But the party's not over yet, and you haven't been enjoying your present!''\n\nJen really felt bad now. ``Wait!'' she said. ``It's a birthday party isn't it? What about the cake? That's what you're missing, the cake! Everybody loves cake, right?''\n\n``Oh yeah, the cake!'' Hamish remembered. ``Yeah, we should've done the cake before everybody left. Fuckit, it's time for cake! I'll be right back!'' He went in the house.\n\n``Remember to wash your hands before handling food!'' Hameron called after him. ``Oh dear god, does this mean he's lighting candles? If he sets the house on fire, my insurance premiums -'' \n\nIt's not me, it's the character! Stop booing! Fuck you guys! I'm the narrator, not you! Me! I have the power! I'm taking a break, if you don't like my narration, the exit's that way!\n\nIf you want to hear the conclusion of this stunningly sordid and erotic, very sexy and not at all boring fairy tale of the Three Little Pigs, one dirty donkey, and the financial system of the magical kingdom, stick around for Part 2.\n\n[i]To Be Continued[/i]"
    },
    ".description.json": {
      "description": "In this filthy fairy tale, a talking donkey who works at a mobile petting zoo for adults only gets hired to work a birthday party. Her clients are none other than the Three Little Pigs. The older two have hired her for their brother's surprise birthday party without his knowledge, and the third pig is none too happy about it. His brothers and the guests they invited turn the house into a pigsty, and the hapless donkey faces one of the dirtiest jobs of her career.\n\nThis story is a request for @DylanDice . It took a bit of brainstorming and negotiation to come up with an idea we were both happy with: the original request was for a story with the donkey from Shrek and Spider Ham. I wasn't comfortable doing scat smut of those characters but it got me thinking about fairy tale parodies, and I'm so happy he said yes to this absurd premise! The requester isn't into female excretion, so what we agreed on is splitting this story into two parts: part 1 is just the donkey gal getting used as a toilet and some vomiting of the foul substances she's fed. Part 2, just for my self indulgence, has her getting some much needed relief at the expense of the third little pig, but in the aftermath they both learn things about themselves and get in touch with their piggish sides.\n\nThe usual disclaimer applies that all characters are mental and physical adults and this is a work of absurd fantasy, not condoning real world bestiality or zoophilia and so on. Some extra warnings apply for this one: this story contains depictions of sex work, exploitative power dynamics, sex while heavily inebriated, characters performing sex acts they're uncomfortable with under various forms of peer pressure or financial duress, and other forms of questionable consent, use of oversized sex toys causing injury, as well as quasi-incest (siblings participating in an orgy together). Most of this isn't safe, sane, or consensual. None of this should be taken as condonement or endorsement of any of the acts depicted, and the narrative's commentary on it be shouldn't taken seriously either because this is a giant shitpost even by my standards. I was trying to parody fairy tales, dumb porn plot tropes, and the idea of using porn as social commentary itself while also doing a running gag of a narrator repeatedly putting irrelevant worldbuilding in a smut fic. You be the judge of whether I was on one too many levels of meta irony this time. I think it's still funny in a dark and deranged way, but I feel a little gross after writing it. I think I need to write some wholesome, loving, fully consensual piss or shit porn as a detox after this nonsense."
    },
    ".writing.json": {
      "writing": "[b]Part 1[/b]\n\nOnce upon a time, in a land you are probably familiar with from fairy tales and nursery rhymes, there was a city. In that city there were all sorts of businesses, like butchers, bakers, candlestick makers, woodcutters who hunted wolves as a side hustle, as well as spinners, weavers, window washers, cesspit cleaners, bureaucrats, and many other more or less glamorous professions, but the city's economy isn't really important to this story. What is important is something you don't often hear about in fairy tales, and even less in nursery rhymes: Sex. The dirty deed, the horizontal tango, making love, and many other words including, of course, fucking.\n\nBut this too was a business, for thanks to some permissive policies put in place by a wise and open minded king, the city was home to a variety of ``Novelty shops,'' burlesque clubs, houses of every degree of repute, and castles with dungeons under them, that catered to every taste and species. This was very good for tax revenue - okay, fine, enough about the economy, I promise! Anyway, a ways down the road from Mother Goose's House of Delights, there was a traveling petting zoo, the kind that rents animals out to parties for guests to play with and also sometimes rents bouncy castles. But this was a very special petting zoo: an adults-only petting zoo. A Heavy Petting Zoo, if you will. It specialized in catering to certain unusual tastes: it provided its services to very rowdy, debaucherous parties that often happened late at night, and the guests were allowed to touch the animals as inappropriately as they wanted. The animals were all talking animals of course, because otherwise that would be fucked up, but they were the four legged kind (other than three chickens and a goose), which many still think is weird. They were all employees, of course, and enjoyed their jobs as much as anyone can really enjoy a job. They weren't unionized, and they didn't even have Dental, but they were paid 12 copper farthings per hour, which sounds low but considering the inflation rate of fantasy kingdoms it was above the median wage for the area, and they did get room and board - wait, come back, I swear I'll shut up about the economy!\n\nAnyway, the petting zoo had all kinds of animals. There were the chickens and goose I mentioned, there were sheep, there were ponies, there were llamas, there were goats, and there was a miniature donkey, who is the subject of this sordid tale, or rather, ``tail.''\n\nThe donkey, who was imaginatively named Jen, stood in her boss's office, arguing with him. ``But it's my day off!'' she brayed stubbornly, and stamped her hoof on the floor.\n\n``I know it is, Jenny,'' her boss said smarmily and slicked back his combover. ``But we're understaffed here and we need all hands on dick - I mean deck. I mean hooves, for you. That's a metaphor, no hooves on dick unless the customer asks for it. The point is, everyone else is booked, sick, on vacation, or can't handle a job like this.''\n\n``I told you not to call me Jenny,'' said Jen. ``Only my friends and family call me that.''\n\n``Well, we're all a family here at Touching Tails, right? Come on, Jenny, this is a difficult customer, and no girl at this petting zoo can take a pounding like you.''\n\n``That makes it worse! I always get the problem customers! The weirdos! The freaks!''\n\n``I give you harder jobs because you're our top performer. Where's your team spirit? I need 110% from you!''\n\n``I am giving 110%! This whole week's been awful! On Sunday I was plowed and seeded by every farmer in the whole dell, Monday I had that weird guy who always puts his wife in a pumpkin shell and makes me eat my way to her, then eat her out. On Tuesday I got Rumpleforeskin again, and his smegma was worse than ever! Then Wednesday was that dirty old man from Nantucket, and he shoved it so far down my throat it almost came out the other end! I spent Thursday rub a dub dubbing in a tub with guess who? The butcher, the baker, and the candlestick maker! I still have hot wax in my tail! And yesterday was the worst of all: All the King's men, and all the King's horses too! Do you know what you get when you make a miniature donkey take all those big, tall war stallions?''\n\nHer boss looked blank. ``A medium sized mule?''\n\n``No!'' she brayed. ``A very sore donkey! I'm going to walk funny for weeks after that! I think they rearranged my internal organs!''\n\n``Hmm...'' Her boss got up from his desk. He walked around behind the donkey and lifted her tail. ``Still looks fine to me.'' He gave her rump a light smack. Jen ground her teeth. She was tender and bruised back there.\n\n``The horses weren't even the worst part,'' she complained. ``Ugh, I hate working knights! Oh, they're all chivalrous when they're on duty, but once they take off that shining armor and have a few drinks, urgh, I?m sick of servicing a bunch of gross pigs!''\n\nHer boss chuckled. ``Well, I've got bad news about your clients for today then.''\n\n``They'd better not be more knights.'' Her boss shook his head. ``Squires?'' He shook it again. ``Knaves? Lords? Dukes? Earls? Bishops? Rooks?\"\n\n``Colder.''\n\n``Then who the hell is it?''\n\n``Let's just say it's one of those dirty jobs.''\n\nNow she understood. ``No. Hell no.''\n\n``Please? I already told the clients I had a girl who'd do it.''\n\n``Then get somebody else to. I've had farmers, pumpkin guts, smegma, knights who've been sweating in their armor all day, grimy horses, crusty Nantucket sailors - even the tub was nasty!''\n\n``I'm sorry, Jenny, but the only other girl who's free is Maggie, and she's a sheep! Donkey fur's easier to wash than sheep wool. You've got to take one for the team sometimes!''\n\nJen thought about workplace discrimination laws, and whether making her work with the most unhygienic clients because of her fur texture was grounds for a lawsuit - Ouch! Oh come on, this isn't the economy, it's the legal system!\n\nWe apologize for the narration of this story. The narrator has been disciplined, and is now ready to read the story in a sexier way. We now return you to this production of Filthy Fairy Tales: An Ass Among the Swine.\n\nIt is not boring, you just don't appreciate verisimilitude in your porn about magical talking animals. It adds immersion. Fine, whatever.\n\nOnce upon a time, in fact, the same general time that it was once upon, there were three little pigs. I'm sure you've all heard of their encounters with the Big Bad Wolf. Well, the first and the second little pigs managed to escape from the wolf's slavering jaws, but they were left homeless after the villain's vicious attacks on their shoddily constructed dwellings and had to move in with their little brother. In a town that was really more of a suburb of the city, although it was outside of city limits, but within the same metropolitan area for census purposes, the three little pigs now lived together in a large, sturdy brick house. As for the Big Bad Wolf, he lived in an even sturdier concrete cell on the other side of town, where he was serving time on a ten year plea deal after being charged with over forty counts, including vandalism, burglary, stalking, menacing, criminal threats...\n\nOuch! Oh come on, that was criminal law! That's exciting isn't it? That tomato wasn't even ripe, that hurt!\n\nBunch of simple minded philistines... where was I? Once upon a time, Hameron, the third little pig, came home from work. He was a tax accountant, and had gone into the office on the weekend to give 110% like a real team player, which he didn't mind all that much because he got 150% overtime pay, a benefit which animals at adult petting zoos didn't get, although thanks to the King's tax reforms tips up to 5,000 shillings annually didn't count toward their taxable no no you don't need to throw that I'll make it sexy I swear!\n\nHameron came home from work after a long hard day of doing boring grown up things nobody cares about. He had totally forgotten that today was his 21st Birthday, but his older brothers, Hamish and Hamilton, had not. They weren't quite so little pigs anymore. Hamish and Hamilton weren't anyway, but Hameron was the runt of the litter. He dug his keys out of his pants pocket, for the three little pigs were talking animals of the kind that walks on two legs and wears clothes. ``Oh, I hope my brothers haven't turned the house into a pigsty again,'' he muttered. ``What a week. I just want to relax in my armchair with a nice book. Peace and quiet at last.''\n\nHe opened the door. ``SURPRISE!'' numerous voices shouted. The lights flicked on, to reveal over a dozen bipedal beasts Hameron didn't know crowded in his living room. He squealed in astonishment. The house was a disaster. He started to back away, but his brothers put their hands on his shoulders and steered him into the house.\n\n``Happy Birthday, little bro!'' said Hamish, the oldest pig, who'd built the straw house.\n\n``We got you a keg!'' bellowed Hamilton. ``Man, this party's gonna be awesome!'' He flipped his baseball cap around backwards.\n\n``A - a keg?'' Hameron stammered. ``I - that's very thoughtful of you, it's the thought that counts after all, but I didn't want - you didn't have to do all this for me!''\n\n``Of course we did, bro! You only turn 21 once!''\n\n``Guys, it's - it's been a stressful week.''\n\n``We know that, bro! Come one, it's time to loosen up and enjoy yourself!''\n\nLoud music with too much bass blasted from the speakers. There was football on TV, and fifteen strangers crowded in his living room.\n\n``Who are all these people?'' Hameron asked.\n\n``Oh. Well, we didn't really know who your friends were, but we couldn't ruin the surprise by asking, so we invited some of our buddies instead! This is Tod, from our frat, and Mike, also from our frat, and Jerry, who got kicked out of the frat but he's really cool.''\n\nThe party was horrible. Hameron sat on the couch in a daze. How could this be happening to him?\n\n``No! My coffee table! Use a coaster!'' he squealed. ``Wait, careful with that salsa around the couch!''\n\n``Huh?'' said Jerry, who was a big mastiff dog. He turned around with a double dipped chip in each hand. In the process, he knocked the bowl of salsa over and spilled it all over Hameron's white couch!\n\n``Nooooo!'' cried Hameron, falling to his knees in despair. ``This party can't get any worse...''\n\nBut he was wrong, for it was just then that there was a knock at the door.\n\n``I can't believe I let that asshole talk me into this...'' Jen grumbled as she was led up to the door on a rope. She was wearing a bridle, four fishnet leggings and a garter belt, and a sign that said: ``Jenny. She's a dirty girl and she likes it rough.'' She felt a faint glimmer of hope looking at the house. It was pretty clean and well kept on the outside, obviously good architecture too. Maybe this wouldn't be so bad. Then the door opened to the chaos and bedlam within. There were two tall and portly pigs in beer and sauce stained tank tops. A bunch of other animals were dancing, playing beer pong, and helping themselves to the snacks. Weren't there supposed to be three pigs? No, now she saw the third, standing there looking totally out of place in Business Casual attire, holding a roll of paper towels.\n\n``Mobile adults only Heavy Petting Zoo, right here!'' said the delivery guy. ``I got one slutty donkey for you to sign for!''\n\nThe tallest pig stumbled to the door. He grabbled the clipboard and scribbled a signature. The delivery guy took it back, carefully avoiding the grease and crumbs. ``Thank you sir.''\n\n``Who's this piece of ass?'' The other pig took Jenny's rope and slapped her ass.\n\n``Wow, never heard that one before,'' the donkey said with a roll of her eyes.\n\n``This is Jenny. She's all yours, all night. Don't be too gentle with her! There's a box of accessories out on the lawn. Have fun!'' He walked away back to the truck.\n\nJen's heart hammered as she was led into the living room to meet all the party guests. Fifteen obnoxious fratboys of many species, wearing shirts that said things like ``Neverland College beer pong champion'' and ``Varsity Burping.'' The house was a pigsty, with food stains and trash everywhere, and it smelled like sweat and unwashed farm animals. Then there were the pigs themselves, making eighteen males in all. The larger two were the most obnoxious of the bunch. As for the smaller and better dressed pig...\n\n``What the fuck? You guys hired a stripper for my party?''\n\n``Not just a stripper,'' said the largest pig. His belly button protruded from his crumb stained tank top. ``Happy Birthday, Hameron! Here's your present! Kiss your virginity goodbye!''\n\nA virgin? Well, that wasn't surprising. Not from a guy who showed up to a keg party in that outfit. The pig grinned nervously and waved. ``Oh my god, you're... oh, no.'' He was beginning to hyperventilate, Jen observed. ``For me?'' he whimpered. ``Guys, I know it's the thought that counts, but what were you thinking?''\n\n``We were thinking you really need to get laid, dude,'' said the middle pig, Hamilton.\n\n``That's what you assholes wanted! Not what I wanted! You guys are the worst brothers on the planet! So help me, I'm not kidding about charging you guys rent if you don't respect my boundaries more!''\n\nThat made things awkward. ``Wow, okay, sounds like we got some family drama,'' Jen said with a nervous laugh. ``So, are you guys triplets or something? I can really see the family resemblance!''\n\n``Ha ha. He's 24, he's 25,'' said Hameron. ``I'm really sorry for wasting your time, miss... Jenny, but can I get a refund for my well meaning but misguided brothers?''\n\n``Nope. Sorry. Paid up front, no refunds. Petting zoo credit only, but for parties all rentals are final.'' Jen hid the annoyance in her voice. She really didn't want to work today, but being rejected kind of stung.\n\n``I was afraid you'd say that. Oh, well...'' he hung his head sadly. ``Well, I guess it's time for me to retire to my room for tonight! It's been a really fun party, guys!'' said the pig with a forced smile. ``Let's go up to my room, uhh... sexy... stuff?'' He knelt down and whispered in her ear. ``Please play along. If my stupid brothers paid for you up front, it's free money to just hang out until they leave.''\n\nJen really didn't want to be the bearer of bad news. ``That's not how it works,'' she said. ``They paid for the party package.''\n\n``What does that mean?''\n\n``It means we didn't rent a donkey for you, we rented a donkey for everyone at the party!'' cheered Hamish. The whole room erupted into bellows and howls of delight.\n\n``Oh my God,'' said Hameron. ``Um... I think maybe I'll sit this round out?''\n\n``Whatever, bro. Hope you like sloppy seconds.'' Hamish pulled Jen into the center of the living room, while the other guests pushed furniture bag to clear a space. Jen felt the thrill of imminent violation coming. The truth was, she did enjoy jobs like this. Being rented out like a farm animal... used, abused, run ragged, and returned to the petting zoo tired, sore, and messy? Oh, it was making her knees tremble. She needed a week to recover from being used as a breeding mount for all those horses, but her boss was right. She was the only girl at the petting zoo who could handle a dozen rowdy, horny males at once all by herself. Seventeen was too many even for her, though, she thought. Her tail flagged automatically. Someone groped her thighs, spreading her legs aside, then felt lower down and squeezed her udder.\n\n``Come on, boys, step right up, form a neat and orderly queue... or don't,'' she said with a gulp as they crowded around her. ``Or you could just have a circle jerk on me. Oww, that's my tail! That is my personal tail, don't pull, were you guys raised in a barn? Heck, I was raised in a barn and I've got better manners.'' Someone's pants were down already. With a laugh the buck shoved his sweaty shorts in Jen's face. She gagged. ``Holy crap, you guys are nasty. You smell like you haven't taken more than five showers this year between all of you.''\n\nThe guys laughed and made her smell more of their discarded clothing, Stained socks, the armpits of a shirt that said ``Pull my finger,'' and musty XXL size underpants.\n\n``It's a good thing I was with Rumpleforeskin on Tuesday,'' she said, ``Because this is rancid. You're messy eaters too, wow. There's Cheeto dust, nacho cheese, I don't know if I can work under these conditions, somebody oughta call a health inspect - oof!'' A ram grabbed the donkey by the ears and pulled her to his crotch. His massive, veiny cock flopped over her face. His enormous, hairy scrotum tickled her nose with crotch hairs. Jen took a long, rancid whiff. An unseen guest was feeling up her rear: he pulled her garter belt tight and snapped it against her back. ``Ow! Careful with that, we charge a damages fee, you know!''\n\n``Wow, does she ever shut up?'' said Hamish.\n\n``I know a way to shut her up,'' said the buck.\n\nAnd so the gangbang began. Jen knew she'd brought this on herself, but they underestimated her ability to run her mouth even with a mouthful of unwashed penis. There were two stallions, though. She'd really had enough of horse dick after yesterday, but she bravely soldiered on even though they nearly thrust into her stomach! The two less little pigs mounted her first, then the mastiff and a rat, Others took their turns getting wet, sloppy blowjobs, while others simply masturbated over her.\n\n``Ulg,'' she said, withdrawing her mouth from one leaking cock while another spurted against her back. ``Well don't hold back now, you're already paying dry cleaning for these stockings, you might as well make a mess of me.'' She was dripping cum. The little donkey looked like she'd been in an accident in a silly string factory.\n\n``Oh, we will!'' said Hamish. ``Hey guys, who wants another round of snacks?''\n\n``I hate my life,'' mumbled Hameron from where he stood by the wall, watching the mayhem.\n\nJen was soon even more grossed out. These guys were so depraved that they'd happily go down on her or chug their beers while they had their way with her. And they had an endless variety of messy snacks, with no table manners. Chip crumbs, nacho cheese, pizza, ranch dressing, and all manner of sauces, as well as lots of spilled beer, soon fouled her coat. As the party got drunker and rowdier, they started offering her food as well, and worse, beer. Cheap, nasty, room temperature beer.\n\nShe knew it was a bad idea to drink on the job, as well as against company policy, but she was sick of her boss's shit tonight. She needed a fucking drink to get through this shift. Maybe three or four. They poured cups of it down her throat. After a couple drinks, her appetite came back. She hadn't had any lunch before coming here, so why not enjoy the free meal? Nachos, mac and cheese, a whole cup of ranch, artichoke dip, and so much beer and so, so much cum.\n\nSoon Jen remembered why this was a bad idea. Her stomach ached. It started to gurgle. Beer and greasy bar foods would have wreaked havoc on a full sized donkey's intestines, let alone a small one like her! This didn't bode well for her, or for the bathroom. She just had to pee right now but much worse was in her future. She was about to excuse herself when someone shouted: ``Hey guys! How about a game!''\n\n``I know! Pin the tail on the donkey!''\n\n``Hang on. I've already got a perfectly good tail right here,'' Jen said. But Hamilton was already opening a box of tail buttplugs on the coffee table. ``What the fuck?'' she gasped. ``When did they add those sizes?''\n\nThe players took turns trying to pin a tail under the one Jen was born with. They were drunk enough to not really need blindfolds, and they mostly missed their mark, but every time one succeeded, they moved up to a bigger size of plug. Jen endured the game in increasing agony. At least they were using lube, but the plugs were getting comically sized now.\n\n``Oh my god, you could block an elephant's butt with that thing,'' she said as a rat stumbled towards her. She pressed her tail protectively over her business end. ``It's game over boys, there's no way that thing'll even fi - YEEIIIIKKES!'' she brayed. ``Oh shit I was wrong! Ow, ow, ow, oh my - HEE HAW! Don't just yank it out! You guys are gonna put me in diapers!''\n\nSadly for her, there were still five more sizes of plug to go, and they didn't stop until the last one, a glittery pink unicorn tail monstrosity with an oblong head the size of a large mango, was rammed home with two men holding her shoulders, a third pulling her legs apart, and a fourth delivering the megalithic silicone suppository with all the grace of a sledgehammer. ``AAAAARGGH!'' Jen brayed in pain. It felt like she was being split in half! ``Holy shit!'' she gasped. ``If this doesn't end my career I'll be fucking elephants after this! Why did they buy this weapon of ass destruction? Get it? Ass destruction? Anybody? Oh, come on - OOLLGGCKK! Another girthy meat missile in the mouth silenced her again.\n\nJen was really tipsy now, but the beer couldn't erase her discomfort. She was bloated, clogged, and she needed a bathroom so badly now. If she wasn't now hobbled with ropes she would have waddled to the bathroom, but right now she needed permission, and for that she needed the presence of mind to stop her drunken babbling and beg. The partygoers were buzzed enough to find her chatter hilarious, and Jen loved the attention. She stood on the coffee table, yammering about whatever topic she could think of, from sports to the weather to the intricacies of the city's tax code. Even Hameron, who was otherwise catatonic, perked up a little at that one. Jen was loving the attention, but oh, man, her bladder was going to explode, and this plug was ruining her rear. She didn't know what was going to happen when it came out either. She belched. So much grease, cheese, and beer.\n\nThen, the true disaster struck. The ram came back from the bathroom with a sheepish look. ``Uh, bad news guys,'' he said. ``The toilet's clogged. Also, you're out of toilet paper.''\n\n``WHAT?'' yelled Hameron. He raced to the scene of the crime and returned, green in the face. ``How did you even manage that?'' he spluttered.\n\n``Sorry. Beer and nachos, you know how it goes. And it's not easy wiping with wool, so I had to use most of a roll.''\n\nThe youngest pig now had a crazed look in his eye now. ``Think on the bright side, Hameron. Think on the bright side,'' he muttered to himself. Well, my, uhh, acquaintances, the bathroom's definitely out of commission for tonight. I don't think a plunger can save that toilet, and I'm not calling a plumber in to all of this mayhem. Guess you'd all better go home and then my brothers can clean this fucking mess up!''\n\n``We don't have a designated driver,'' said one of the stallions. ``Our ride doesn't get here for a while.''\n\n``Don't worry, guys,'' slurred Hamish. ``We can head out to the - URPPP! The backyard!''\n\n``The backyard!'' cheered everyone else, even Hameron. ``Party in the backyard!'' The youngest pig added: ``That's a great idea! Go make a mess out there instead of in my living room!''\n\nJen was dragged through the house and out the door. They gathered on the back patio.\n\n``I don't think we thought this through,'' said a grizzly bear guest. ``There's no bathroom out here. I've really gotta take a leak.''\n\n``Well, Mi Casa is Zoo Casa,'' said Hamilton.\n\n``No it isn't! It's my casa!'' snapped Hameron.\n\n``Hey, I know!'' said the mastiff. ``Let's play pin the pee on the donkey!''\n\n``That doesn't make any sense,'' replied the bear. ``How do you peen piss, I mean ponk pee, I... how many have I had?''\n\n``Who's counting? I lost count of how much I've drunk but it's all goin' right through me. Let's pee on her!''\n\n``Wait a minute!'' cried Jen. ``I didn't agree to this! You can't just use me as a bathroom!''\n\n``Come on!'' drawled Hamish. ``Can't you take one for the team? We're bursting here!'' He finished chugging another huge mug of beer, which would only add to the liquid in his bladder.\n\nTake one for the team. Those words echoed hypnotically in Jen's equine skull. Give 110%. Family Drama. We're a family here! So nasty. So disgusting. So filthy. She dropped her ears flat and whined. The worst part was, she knew that she in fact had no right to refuse. Her rental agreement stated that the customer could do whatever they wanted to her, no matter how humiliating or degrading, including with whatever bodily fluids they had on hand. She'd never imagined that it could be cruelly interpreted as requiring her to submit to being a urinal, or worse, since she'd never dreamed a client could be that sick and twisted, but under the kingdom's employment law, Ow! Stop throwing things!\n\nWhile the narrator was being cruelly assaulted by uncultured philistines who didn't understand that complete loss of autonomy by means of the fine print in a contract was extremely sexy and exactly what the perverted audience asked for, if they could just appreciate it, the donkey mumbled: ``I guess I don't have a choice'' and stared up with apprehensive dismay at the bear taking aim over her.\n\nHe began pissing all over the poor donkey, drenching her back in a torrent of warm yellow liquid. A long, arduous, humiliating golden shower, leaving her dripping and completely ashamed that this was still turning her on. She let the second animal to use the new urinal let loose right on her head, drenching her completely, and as for the third? That repugnant rat made her open her mouth. Foul, acrid rodent piss, reeking of cheap beer, flooded her gullet. This was horrible. No, this was too much. She couldn't take it. She looked at Hameron with pleading eyes, begging him to rescue her from this torment, but the cowardly pig just watched with a guilty expression as two partygoers started shamelessly pissing all over her back.\n\nJen started swallowing. Such humiliation. Not even a four legged animal should be treated with such cruelty, yet here she was, losing her last precious shred of professional and personal dignity. What a worthless, slutty farm animal she was, not even charging extra for such cruel and unusually degrading acts as golden showers. She giggled drunkenly. ``Anything goes!'' she said. ``Make as much a mess of me as - hic! You can! My day off's already ruined!'' she started to sob. ``I have no work life balance! I've lost control of my life because I'm a pushover who can't say no to my boss! Look at what a dirty ass I am!'' A camera clicked. ``That's right, take all the pictures you want! The petting zoo has rights to use them commercially but otherwise you can - uggglglglgl! Send my family alllll the pictures of me drinking strange men's PISS!'' she gurgled. She let her mouth fill. Terrible! She didn't want this! She swallowed. Her instincts recoiled at the foul, musky liquid. ``I have no love life because I'm always at work, getting my holes destroyed for twelve farthings an hour!''\n\n``You can get make twelve farthings an hour doing this?'' said a wolf (not the big bad one. He was scrawny, and quite mild mannered when he wasn't at parties). ``Man, maybe I'm in the wrong career.'' \n\nA stallion gave him a weird look. ``Bro, I'm not saying I wouldn't, like, do stripteases for twelve an hour. Maybe even lap dances, if I had paid sick days and dental, but she's literally getting pissed on. That's gross, man, no way.'' He hypocritically took aim and started hosing her down with his thirteen inch horse dong.\n\n``Would you do it for a million?'' said the wolf.\n\n``An hour? In this economy? Hell yeah.''\n\n``So you're saying you have a price.''\n\n``All I'm saying is a million farthings is a lot of money.'' The stallion directed his raging, foamy stream of kidney filtered beer over the donkey's face. She let her mouth flood, and noticed that his urine didn't really taste worse than the cheap beer it had once been.\n\n``Yeah that's how prices work, man. So we're just arguing over numbers.''\n\n``A million farthings is, uhh, a fuckton times bigger than twelve, dude. You seriously don't see the difference between saying you'd let people piss on you for so much money you'd never have to work again and doing it for just a normal job amount?''\n\n``It's more then I'm making now. I'm only getting paid ten.''\n\n``Your self respect is worth TWO farthings an hour?''\n\n``I work retail, man, I'm selling my self respect either way! Every damn week I have to scrub toilets even though it's not in my job description.''\n\n``Scrubbing toilets is better than being one!'' argued the stallion. He was still reducing the donkey to just such a commode-ified object, and his stream showed no signs of slowing down. ``You know what, let's bet on it, I'll pay you twelve farthings and piss on you instead.''\n\nThe wolf made a flustered whimpering noise and tucked his tail between his legs to hide a boner.\n\n``What? That's you, it's different! You're my friend, that's way more awkward than getting pissed on by strangers you don't have to see again!''\n\n``You could run into somebody who remembers you at the grocery store or something. What if they walked up and were like hey, how's it going, you're the guy who likes drinking piss aren't you?''\n\n``Shit, I didn't think of that. Anyway, I was thinking, like, hot chicks doing it, you know? No offense but I wouldn't let you piss on me for just twelve an hour.''\n\n``How much then?''\n\n``Fifty. No, a hundred.''\n\n``Well I'm not willing to pay a hundred bucks to piss on you, because you aren't a hot chick either. It's simple supply and demand.''\n\n``Fine, 25 then!''\n\n``Deal. Wait, what'd I just agree too... fuck it.'' The horse reached for his hip. ``Shit. Where's my wallet.'' He turned and stared at his friend in horror. ``Bro, what happened to my wallet?''\n\n``Probably in your pants,'' said the wolf. It was then that he noticed that the naked stallion had obliviously turned around, still peeing, and was now splashing his belly and legs with a faucet of foul piss. ``Hey! What the fuck, man!''\n\n``What? Oh, shit, sorry.''\n\n``You owe me 25 farthings now!''\n\nThe pair's argument was amusing to the donkey, but when they want off to find the stallion's wallet, she returned to her state of debaucherous depression. ``And he always makes me service the dirtiest, rudest, most horrible clients!'' she blubbered. ``And I always say yes because he guilts me about being a team player, but then `e just thinks being filthy's all I'm good for!''\n\n``I think you might have had too much,'' said the bear.\n\n``I haven't had enough!'' sputtered Jen. ``I need more!''\n\n``If you say so.'' The bull looked at his empty mug. ``Fuck I'm so full. I'm not walking all the way back to the keg like this.'' He held the mug below his crotch and took aim. Jen watched with horror and lust as churning, frothing, foaming liquid rose higher and higher in the huge beer stein, filling it to the brim with cloudy bovine brew. He held it to her lips.\n\n``Um, that's not the liquid I meant!'' she stammered. ``I just wanna get so drunk I can call in sick with a hangover tomorrow, not...''\n\n``Chug! Chug! Chug! Chug!'' the partiers were cheering a minute later. She tried to resist, but they held her nose and ears and tipped her head back. Jen was miserably swallowing gulp after gulp of warm, sour bull piss. Her stomach was so painfully full. It tasted so foul. But she had to keep drinking until she forgot the shame of drinking this loathsome liquid.\n\n``Holy shit that's gross,'' someone said. ``Oh god. HEEURRGGGGGLHHHGLLARRGGHLLL!''\n\nThe donkey went rigid in shock as a torrent of beer and half digested snacks thundered down on her back. Hot and slimy. He'd puked on her. This just kept getting worse. It smelled so bad. She gagged. She was going to throw up soon too. But not before Hamilton leaned over and unloaded his alcohol filled stomach over her head in a hideous multicolored waterfall. Jen gasped and coughed.\n\n``That's nasty.'' The mastiff waded into the puddle of pig puke and started peeing on her. But with his bladder halfway empty, the smell overpowered him and he too started horking up rancid dog vomit. He fell to his knees and pulled the helpless donkey into a sloppy open mouthed kiss. His tongue went deep in her mouth. He convulsed. Jen stiffened in shock. Hot, bitterly boozy vomit surged up his throat and right down hers. It was so disgusting that somebody else puked on her too.\n\nJen's stomach could take no more. When he staggered away, wiping his mouth on his sleeve, she clenched and retched. HEURRRGGGHH! ``Oh, fuck. Oh my god. This isn't even biologically possible, but you guys are so gross I can't hold it back!'' she gasped. Putrid puke pooled around her front hooves. The bull helpfully held out the empty beer stein. She filled it with a waterfall of vomit. He held it to her lips and lifted it with a cruel laugh. No! Jen thought. Her body just accepted it, though. She choked half of the giant mug of her own puke down before it made her spew chunks all over the patio. He poured the rest on her head.\n\nThere were still plenty of snacks and beer. The furs kept eating, drinking, pissing and puking while Hameron sobbed in the corner. The other two pigs were only getting more depraved. Hamilton made her finish her off even after she puked all over him mid blow job, and as for Hamish? That disgusting, unwashed pig lecherously held her in place and kissed her. He belched, drool dribbling from his lips. Jen braced herself for the horror she knew was coming. The heinous hog swamped her in grotesque, lumpy puke. ``Swalluh itthh you cuntthh!'' he slurred. He smacked her across the face and pulled her mouth open, then brought his to it. Jen struggled weakly. Please, no, his breath was bad enough. With a mighty gurgle he too started vomiting directly into her mouth. With every cramp of his stomach, his body pumped that putrid piggy puke right down the poor Donkey's throat. Slimy, clotted half digested sludge filled her stomach to bursting, but that nasty pig had been doing just that: pigging out all night. Jen practically drowned in the consequences of his heavy drinking. Jen rolled on her back, writhing in the putrid mess and slurping it off the patio. ``I hate this job!'' she gagged. ``Why am I doing this to myself?'' She was covered in food, beer, urine and vomit. Her ass was still plugged. Her gut felt like it was going to explode!\n\n``Holy shit, this chick really has no limits!'' laughed Hamish. ``I bet she'd even eat our...'' His bulging beer gut rumbled. ``I hope so. The bathroom's out of commission, so you'd better eat it.''\n\n``Okay that's a little too far,'' babbled Jen. ``You're joking, right? Urine's sterile, you know? Puking on me's pretty bad, but you can't just assume I'll do anything. This has to be illegal. It's cruel and unsanitary punishment. Oh my god please don't.'' But she was already sniffing the pig's foul, swampy butt. He blew a massive beer and pizza fart in her face, causing her to vomit again. That only made room in her stomach for what was to come. Before her very eyes, his piggy pucker, the dreadful orifice beneath that squiggly curly tail, opened wide and a huge log of horrendous pig shit crowned, drooped, then plopped into the puddle of puke. Jen shuddered. Another serpent of filth slid over her head, smearing itself through the greasy vomit coating.\n\n``Somebody get this bitch a plate!'' someone laughed.\n\nThe pig filled the plate with a mountain of intolerable fecal matter. Animals were holding their noses and puking from the stench. Jen couldn't hold her nose with hooves though, she could only inhale the ghoulish odor of her client's bowel movement. Her eyes watered. ``Do I really have to do this?''\n\n``Eat it, slut!'' jeered Hamish.\n\n``You really are a pig,'' she said. She took a big bite. It tasted so bad she almost gave up, but she had to be brave and give 110% to her job. ``Come on, Jen, be a team player,'' she groaned as she choked down the foul, clay like mass. No words could even come close to describing how mind shatteringly putrid the taste was. Nothing she could ever do would be as bad as this. Jen kept crying, but she didn't give up until she'd eaten the entire pile. She'd done it! Now could her shift be over?\n\nAlas, it couldn't, since there were over a dozen other furs waiting. With no working bathroom, she was the only substitute. She rolled over on her back and let the rabbit squat. Rotten, creamy shit squorched out of his sphincter, filling her mouth. She choked it down, but then the bear pressed his buttocks right to her lips. His enormous turd slithered right down her throat like the cock of that infamous man from Nantucket. She slurped and smacked, licking his fetid asshole, then opening wide for the next male.\n\nBut the poor donkey's struggles were in vain, for with seventeen guys all with the beer shits and only one toilet, it was inevitable that they'd try to use her two or three at a time. The rat squirted something that was thick and sloppy, but not exactly solid onto her chest and belly while one of the dogs present fed her. Another load of greasy scat coated one of her hind legs, slithering down to her crotch. The buck bent over and ass-aulted her with a hailstorm of overly soft deer pellets.\n\nShe ate, and ate, until she burst. She retched, with thick, clogging feces oozing back out her mouth. Huge pressures battered her buttplug, but still it held firm. ``I'm as clogged as the toilet now,'' she gurgled. ``You'd better stop using me. What did I just say?''\n\nJen heaved up a massive amount of puke, making more room in her stomach. The ram demanded that she wipe his wooly ass with her tongue. Wow, she thought, it really was impossible to get wool clean. Her boss was right to subject her to this horrible pigsty instead of her ovine coworkers. Even so, she'd never feel clean again. The ram had diarrhea, and it was oppressively rancid. SPLURRRTT. FFFORRRT, SPLLRGGLUBBLLRUBLUUBLURRRBBTT. With the most inconcievably ketchup bottley of sounds, he sharted greasy, lactose intolerant hershey squirts right into her mouth.\n\nFor hours the orgy of toilet horrors continued. Jen was tied up, blindfolded, gagged with dirty skidmarked briefs, and spanked with a riding crop. She moaned and writhed in the filth, letting the disgusting pigs smear her entire body with excrement. Hamish roughly jammed his fingers into her, making her bray with pained arousal. Her stomach was so taut and bloated now.\n\nThe keg wasn't empty yet, so Hamish and Hamilton decided to butt chug some beer. After filling his ass with the foaming liquid, Hamish sat down on her face, wedging Jen between his dirty cheeks, and unleashed hell. Frothing, foaming, splattering liquid shit defiled the slutty donkey. Her maw filled with the abysmal combination of the flavors of cheap beer and pig manure. She choked down gulp after gulp, but he kept spewing thicker and thicker muck until Jen was choking on wet, slimy butt boogers. Hamilton was just as depraved as his brother, and firehosed the repugnant contents of his bowels all over the dripping donkey.\n\n``GGGLLACKK!'' she choked. She turned her head to the side and vomited some more. She had to make room while she could. Another big, furry ass smothered her, and whoever it was fingered her while having nonstop, putrid diarrhea in her face, swamping her with degrading spouts of liquid shit. She was so overstimulated that the lightest touch to her clit made her jerk and twitch, shaking and spluttering muddy turd soup. Mushy, creamy shit plopped down on her tongue. She retched on that ludicrously unwholesome flavor. His stomach was really upset now. But she needed to get off. He had to finish her. YES!\n\nSoft, mushy turds filled her maw to the brim at the moment of her climax. The disgusting fur on top of her grunted as his bowels violently emptied down her throat. She shuddered, gurgled, and subsided into the lake of shit around her.\n\n``Wow, we really ruined that donkey,'' Hamish said. ``I can't believe she came from that.''\n\n``What a whore. Totally shameless,'' agreed Hamilton. ``I gotta pee again. Let's give her a shower.''\n\n``Uh oh,'' someone said. ``I think my ride's here.''\n\nOne by one, the party guests dwindled. One fur after another cleaned himself up with the hose and went home. Hamish and Hamilton were completely trashed.\n\n``Man! URRRRP! What a party!'' Hamish patted his stomach. ``Ain't that right, little bro?''\n\n``Yeah! It's about time we finally got you to act like a REAL pig, right? And got you laid too!'' Hamilton slapped Hameron hard on the back which made him stumble forward. He stared at his brother with a goofy grin that turned to a perplexed grimace. The pig squinted through his beer goggles. ``Hey, wait a minute... you don't look like you've been partyin'. Have you been standing there like a fucking loser nerd this whole time?''\n\nHameron flinched. It was plain to see, even for the very drunk donkey. He was still in his clothes, and spotless other than the handprint his brother had just left on his pristine shirt.\n\n``What? No! I had a turn with her a while ago, before you and your friends made all this mess! You must have been getting more food or watching football or something, but I - I totally had sexual intercourse with her, and I ejaculated inside her vagina! I'm a real pig now!'' the pig stammered. He looked pleadingly at Jen, but the donkey was too wasted to take the hint.\n\n``No you didn't,'' she answered, unwittingly dooming the pig. ``You've just been standing around awkwardly and  - hic - panicking about how your house is all messy.'' She realized her mistake when she saw the horrified look on Hameron's face. She felt kind of sorry for him. \n\n``Have you even ate or drank anything?'' asked Hamish.\n\nHameron cringed in disgust. ``For some strange reason I haven't had much of an appetite. But I have been drinking! I'm just pacing myself since it's my first time. In fact, I feel ready for bed right now, ha ha, look how drunk I am! I'm going to go throw up and then pass out on the bathroom carpet because that's what binge drinkers like me do!''\n\n``Hold on, it's only 9:30!'' Hamish stumbled in front of the door and blocked it. ``And what kind of loser paces himself on his 21st birthday!''\n\n``A responsible adult - I mean, certainly not me!'' Hameron stammered. ``That was a joke, I've been shotgunning beers all night long!''\n\n``How'd you shotgun `em? We got a keg!'' said Hamilton. Hameron gulped. He bent down and sniffed him, which his brother recoiled at. ``But the party's not over yet, and you haven't been enjoying your present!''\n\nJen really felt bad now. ``Wait!'' she said. ``It's a birthday party isn't it? What about the cake? That's what you're missing, the cake! Everybody loves cake, right?''\n\n``Oh yeah, the cake!'' Hamish remembered. ``Yeah, we should've done the cake before everybody left. Fuckit, it's time for cake! I'll be right back!'' He went in the house.\n\n``Remember to wash your hands before handling food!'' Hameron called after him. ``Oh dear god, does this mean he's lighting candles? If he sets the house on fire, my insurance premiums -'' \n\nIt's not me, it's the character! Stop booing! Fuck you guys! I'm the narrator, not you! Me! I have the power! I'm taking a break, if you don't like my narration, the exit's that way!\n\nIf you want to hear the conclusion of this stunningly sordid and erotic, very sexy and not at all boring fairy tale of the Three Little Pigs, one dirty donkey, and the financial system of the magical kingdom, stick around for Part 2.\n\n[i]To Be Continued[/i]"
    }
  }
}

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  "description": "In this filthy fairy tale, a talking donkey who works at a mobile petting zoo for adults only gets hired to work a birthday party. Her clients are none other than the Three Little Pigs. The older two have hired her for their brother's surprise birthday party without his knowledge, and the third pig is none too happy about it. His brothers and the guests they invited turn the house into a pigsty, and the hapless donkey faces one of the dirtiest jobs of her career.\n\nThis story is a request for @DylanDice . It took a bit of brainstorming and negotiation to come up with an idea we were both happy with: the original request was for a story with the donkey from Shrek and Spider Ham. I wasn't comfortable doing scat smut of those characters but it got me thinking about fairy tale parodies, and I'm so happy he said yes to this absurd premise! The requester isn't into female excretion, so what we agreed on is splitting this story into two parts: part 1 is just the donkey gal getting used as a toilet and some vomiting of the foul substances she's fed. Part 2, just for my self indulgence, has her getting some much needed relief at the expense of the third little pig, but in the aftermath they both learn things about themselves and get in touch with their piggish sides.\n\nThe usual disclaimer applies that all characters are mental and physical adults and this is a work of absurd fantasy, not condoning real world bestiality or zoophilia and so on. Some extra warnings apply for this one: this story contains depictions of sex work, exploitative power dynamics, sex while heavily inebriated, characters performing sex acts they're uncomfortable with under various forms of peer pressure or financial duress, and other forms of questionable consent, use of oversized sex toys causing injury, as well as quasi-incest (siblings participating in an orgy together). Most of this isn't safe, sane, or consensual. None of this should be taken as condonement or endorsement of any of the acts depicted, and the narrative's commentary on it be shouldn't taken seriously either because this is a giant shitpost even by my standards. I was trying to parody fairy tales, dumb porn plot tropes, and the idea of using porn as social commentary itself while also doing a running gag of a narrator repeatedly putting irrelevant worldbuilding in a smut fic. You be the judge of whether I was on one too many levels of meta irony this time. I think it's still funny in a dark and deranged way, but I feel a little gross after writing it. I think I need to write some wholesome, loving, fully consensual piss or shit porn as a detox after this nonsense.",
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  "writing": "[b]Part 1[/b]\n\nOnce upon a time, in a land you are probably familiar with from fairy tales and nursery rhymes, there was a city. In that city there were all sorts of businesses, like butchers, bakers, candlestick makers, woodcutters who hunted wolves as a side hustle, as well as spinners, weavers, window washers, cesspit cleaners, bureaucrats, and many other more or less glamorous professions, but the city's economy isn't really important to this story. What is important is something you don't often hear about in fairy tales, and even less in nursery rhymes: Sex. The dirty deed, the horizontal tango, making love, and many other words including, of course, fucking.\n\nBut this too was a business, for thanks to some permissive policies put in place by a wise and open minded king, the city was home to a variety of ``Novelty shops,'' burlesque clubs, houses of every degree of repute, and castles with dungeons under them, that catered to every taste and species. This was very good for tax revenue - okay, fine, enough about the economy, I promise! Anyway, a ways down the road from Mother Goose's House of Delights, there was a traveling petting zoo, the kind that rents animals out to parties for guests to play with and also sometimes rents bouncy castles. But this was a very special petting zoo: an adults-only petting zoo. A Heavy Petting Zoo, if you will. It specialized in catering to certain unusual tastes: it provided its services to very rowdy, debaucherous parties that often happened late at night, and the guests were allowed to touch the animals as inappropriately as they wanted. The animals were all talking animals of course, because otherwise that would be fucked up, but they were the four legged kind (other than three chickens and a goose), which many still think is weird. They were all employees, of course, and enjoyed their jobs as much as anyone can really enjoy a job. They weren't unionized, and they didn't even have Dental, but they were paid 12 copper farthings per hour, which sounds low but considering the inflation rate of fantasy kingdoms it was above the median wage for the area, and they did get room and board - wait, come back, I swear I'll shut up about the economy!\n\nAnyway, the petting zoo had all kinds of animals. There were the chickens and goose I mentioned, there were sheep, there were ponies, there were llamas, there were goats, and there was a miniature donkey, who is the subject of this sordid tale, or rather, ``tail.''\n\nThe donkey, who was imaginatively named Jen, stood in her boss's office, arguing with him. ``But it's my day off!'' she brayed stubbornly, and stamped her hoof on the floor.\n\n``I know it is, Jenny,'' her boss said smarmily and slicked back his combover. ``But we're understaffed here and we need all hands on dick - I mean deck. I mean hooves, for you. That's a metaphor, no hooves on dick unless the customer asks for it. The point is, everyone else is booked, sick, on vacation, or can't handle a job like this.''\n\n``I told you not to call me Jenny,'' said Jen. ``Only my friends and family call me that.''\n\n``Well, we're all a family here at Touching Tails, right? Come on, Jenny, this is a difficult customer, and no girl at this petting zoo can take a pounding like you.''\n\n``That makes it worse! I always get the problem customers! The weirdos! The freaks!''\n\n``I give you harder jobs because you're our top performer. Where's your team spirit? I need 110% from you!''\n\n``I am giving 110%! This whole week's been awful! On Sunday I was plowed and seeded by every farmer in the whole dell, Monday I had that weird guy who always puts his wife in a pumpkin shell and makes me eat my way to her, then eat her out. On Tuesday I got Rumpleforeskin again, and his smegma was worse than ever! Then Wednesday was that dirty old man from Nantucket, and he shoved it so far down my throat it almost came out the other end! I spent Thursday rub a dub dubbing in a tub with guess who? The butcher, the baker, and the candlestick maker! I still have hot wax in my tail! And yesterday was the worst of all: All the King's men, and all the King's horses too! Do you know what you get when you make a miniature donkey take all those big, tall war stallions?''\n\nHer boss looked blank. ``A medium sized mule?''\n\n``No!'' she brayed. ``A very sore donkey! I'm going to walk funny for weeks after that! I think they rearranged my internal organs!''\n\n``Hmm...'' Her boss got up from his desk. He walked around behind the donkey and lifted her tail. ``Still looks fine to me.'' He gave her rump a light smack. Jen ground her teeth. She was tender and bruised back there.\n\n``The horses weren't even the worst part,'' she complained. ``Ugh, I hate working knights! Oh, they're all chivalrous when they're on duty, but once they take off that shining armor and have a few drinks, urgh, I?m sick of servicing a bunch of gross pigs!''\n\nHer boss chuckled. ``Well, I've got bad news about your clients for today then.''\n\n``They'd better not be more knights.'' Her boss shook his head. ``Squires?'' He shook it again. ``Knaves? Lords? Dukes? Earls? Bishops? Rooks?\"\n\n``Colder.''\n\n``Then who the hell is it?''\n\n``Let's just say it's one of those dirty jobs.''\n\nNow she understood. ``No. Hell no.''\n\n``Please? I already told the clients I had a girl who'd do it.''\n\n``Then get somebody else to. I've had farmers, pumpkin guts, smegma, knights who've been sweating in their armor all day, grimy horses, crusty Nantucket sailors - even the tub was nasty!''\n\n``I'm sorry, Jenny, but the only other girl who's free is Maggie, and she's a sheep! Donkey fur's easier to wash than sheep wool. You've got to take one for the team sometimes!''\n\nJen thought about workplace discrimination laws, and whether making her work with the most unhygienic clients because of her fur texture was grounds for a lawsuit - Ouch! Oh come on, this isn't the economy, it's the legal system!\n\nWe apologize for the narration of this story. The narrator has been disciplined, and is now ready to read the story in a sexier way. We now return you to this production of Filthy Fairy Tales: An Ass Among the Swine.\n\nIt is not boring, you just don't appreciate verisimilitude in your porn about magical talking animals. It adds immersion. Fine, whatever.\n\nOnce upon a time, in fact, the same general time that it was once upon, there were three little pigs. I'm sure you've all heard of their encounters with the Big Bad Wolf. Well, the first and the second little pigs managed to escape from the wolf's slavering jaws, but they were left homeless after the villain's vicious attacks on their shoddily constructed dwellings and had to move in with their little brother. In a town that was really more of a suburb of the city, although it was outside of city limits, but within the same metropolitan area for census purposes, the three little pigs now lived together in a large, sturdy brick house. As for the Big Bad Wolf, he lived in an even sturdier concrete cell on the other side of town, where he was serving time on a ten year plea deal after being charged with over forty counts, including vandalism, burglary, stalking, menacing, criminal threats...\n\nOuch! Oh come on, that was criminal law! That's exciting isn't it? That tomato wasn't even ripe, that hurt!\n\nBunch of simple minded philistines... where was I? Once upon a time, Hameron, the third little pig, came home from work. He was a tax accountant, and had gone into the office on the weekend to give 110% like a real team player, which he didn't mind all that much because he got 150% overtime pay, a benefit which animals at adult petting zoos didn't get, although thanks to the King's tax reforms tips up to 5,000 shillings annually didn't count toward their taxable no no you don't need to throw that I'll make it sexy I swear!\n\nHameron came home from work after a long hard day of doing boring grown up things nobody cares about. He had totally forgotten that today was his 21st Birthday, but his older brothers, Hamish and Hamilton, had not. They weren't quite so little pigs anymore. Hamish and Hamilton weren't anyway, but Hameron was the runt of the litter. He dug his keys out of his pants pocket, for the three little pigs were talking animals of the kind that walks on two legs and wears clothes. ``Oh, I hope my brothers haven't turned the house into a pigsty again,'' he muttered. ``What a week. I just want to relax in my armchair with a nice book. Peace and quiet at last.''\n\nHe opened the door. ``SURPRISE!'' numerous voices shouted. The lights flicked on, to reveal over a dozen bipedal beasts Hameron didn't know crowded in his living room. He squealed in astonishment. The house was a disaster. He started to back away, but his brothers put their hands on his shoulders and steered him into the house.\n\n``Happy Birthday, little bro!'' said Hamish, the oldest pig, who'd built the straw house.\n\n``We got you a keg!'' bellowed Hamilton. ``Man, this party's gonna be awesome!'' He flipped his baseball cap around backwards.\n\n``A - a keg?'' Hameron stammered. ``I - that's very thoughtful of you, it's the thought that counts after all, but I didn't want - you didn't have to do all this for me!''\n\n``Of course we did, bro! You only turn 21 once!''\n\n``Guys, it's - it's been a stressful week.''\n\n``We know that, bro! Come one, it's time to loosen up and enjoy yourself!''\n\nLoud music with too much bass blasted from the speakers. There was football on TV, and fifteen strangers crowded in his living room.\n\n``Who are all these people?'' Hameron asked.\n\n``Oh. Well, we didn't really know who your friends were, but we couldn't ruin the surprise by asking, so we invited some of our buddies instead! This is Tod, from our frat, and Mike, also from our frat, and Jerry, who got kicked out of the frat but he's really cool.''\n\nThe party was horrible. Hameron sat on the couch in a daze. How could this be happening to him?\n\n``No! My coffee table! Use a coaster!'' he squealed. ``Wait, careful with that salsa around the couch!''\n\n``Huh?'' said Jerry, who was a big mastiff dog. He turned around with a double dipped chip in each hand. In the process, he knocked the bowl of salsa over and spilled it all over Hameron's white couch!\n\n``Nooooo!'' cried Hameron, falling to his knees in despair. ``This party can't get any worse...''\n\nBut he was wrong, for it was just then that there was a knock at the door.\n\n``I can't believe I let that asshole talk me into this...'' Jen grumbled as she was led up to the door on a rope. She was wearing a bridle, four fishnet leggings and a garter belt, and a sign that said: ``Jenny. She's a dirty girl and she likes it rough.'' She felt a faint glimmer of hope looking at the house. It was pretty clean and well kept on the outside, obviously good architecture too. Maybe this wouldn't be so bad. Then the door opened to the chaos and bedlam within. There were two tall and portly pigs in beer and sauce stained tank tops. A bunch of other animals were dancing, playing beer pong, and helping themselves to the snacks. Weren't there supposed to be three pigs? No, now she saw the third, standing there looking totally out of place in Business Casual attire, holding a roll of paper towels.\n\n``Mobile adults only Heavy Petting Zoo, right here!'' said the delivery guy. ``I got one slutty donkey for you to sign for!''\n\nThe tallest pig stumbled to the door. He grabbled the clipboard and scribbled a signature. The delivery guy took it back, carefully avoiding the grease and crumbs. ``Thank you sir.''\n\n``Who's this piece of ass?'' The other pig took Jenny's rope and slapped her ass.\n\n``Wow, never heard that one before,'' the donkey said with a roll of her eyes.\n\n``This is Jenny. She's all yours, all night. Don't be too gentle with her! There's a box of accessories out on the lawn. Have fun!'' He walked away back to the truck.\n\nJen's heart hammered as she was led into the living room to meet all the party guests. Fifteen obnoxious fratboys of many species, wearing shirts that said things like ``Neverland College beer pong champion'' and ``Varsity Burping.'' The house was a pigsty, with food stains and trash everywhere, and it smelled like sweat and unwashed farm animals. Then there were the pigs themselves, making eighteen males in all. The larger two were the most obnoxious of the bunch. As for the smaller and better dressed pig...\n\n``What the fuck? You guys hired a stripper for my party?''\n\n``Not just a stripper,'' said the largest pig. His belly button protruded from his crumb stained tank top. ``Happy Birthday, Hameron! Here's your present! Kiss your virginity goodbye!''\n\nA virgin? Well, that wasn't surprising. Not from a guy who showed up to a keg party in that outfit. The pig grinned nervously and waved. ``Oh my god, you're... oh, no.'' He was beginning to hyperventilate, Jen observed. ``For me?'' he whimpered. ``Guys, I know it's the thought that counts, but what were you thinking?''\n\n``We were thinking you really need to get laid, dude,'' said the middle pig, Hamilton.\n\n``That's what you assholes wanted! Not what I wanted! You guys are the worst brothers on the planet! So help me, I'm not kidding about charging you guys rent if you don't respect my boundaries more!''\n\nThat made things awkward. ``Wow, okay, sounds like we got some family drama,'' Jen said with a nervous laugh. ``So, are you guys triplets or something? I can really see the family resemblance!''\n\n``Ha ha. He's 24, he's 25,'' said Hameron. ``I'm really sorry for wasting your time, miss... Jenny, but can I get a refund for my well meaning but misguided brothers?''\n\n``Nope. Sorry. Paid up front, no refunds. Petting zoo credit only, but for parties all rentals are final.'' Jen hid the annoyance in her voice. She really didn't want to work today, but being rejected kind of stung.\n\n``I was afraid you'd say that. Oh, well...'' he hung his head sadly. ``Well, I guess it's time for me to retire to my room for tonight! It's been a really fun party, guys!'' said the pig with a forced smile. ``Let's go up to my room, uhh... sexy... stuff?'' He knelt down and whispered in her ear. ``Please play along. If my stupid brothers paid for you up front, it's free money to just hang out until they leave.''\n\nJen really didn't want to be the bearer of bad news. ``That's not how it works,'' she said. ``They paid for the party package.''\n\n``What does that mean?''\n\n``It means we didn't rent a donkey for you, we rented a donkey for everyone at the party!'' cheered Hamish. The whole room erupted into bellows and howls of delight.\n\n``Oh my God,'' said Hameron. ``Um... I think maybe I'll sit this round out?''\n\n``Whatever, bro. Hope you like sloppy seconds.'' Hamish pulled Jen into the center of the living room, while the other guests pushed furniture bag to clear a space. Jen felt the thrill of imminent violation coming. The truth was, she did enjoy jobs like this. Being rented out like a farm animal... used, abused, run ragged, and returned to the petting zoo tired, sore, and messy? Oh, it was making her knees tremble. She needed a week to recover from being used as a breeding mount for all those horses, but her boss was right. She was the only girl at the petting zoo who could handle a dozen rowdy, horny males at once all by herself. Seventeen was too many even for her, though, she thought. Her tail flagged automatically. Someone groped her thighs, spreading her legs aside, then felt lower down and squeezed her udder.\n\n``Come on, boys, step right up, form a neat and orderly queue... or don't,'' she said with a gulp as they crowded around her. ``Or you could just have a circle jerk on me. Oww, that's my tail! That is my personal tail, don't pull, were you guys raised in a barn? Heck, I was raised in a barn and I've got better manners.'' Someone's pants were down already. With a laugh the buck shoved his sweaty shorts in Jen's face. She gagged. ``Holy crap, you guys are nasty. You smell like you haven't taken more than five showers this year between all of you.''\n\nThe guys laughed and made her smell more of their discarded clothing, Stained socks, the armpits of a shirt that said ``Pull my finger,'' and musty XXL size underpants.\n\n``It's a good thing I was with Rumpleforeskin on Tuesday,'' she said, ``Because this is rancid. You're messy eaters too, wow. There's Cheeto dust, nacho cheese, I don't know if I can work under these conditions, somebody oughta call a health inspect - oof!'' A ram grabbed the donkey by the ears and pulled her to his crotch. His massive, veiny cock flopped over her face. His enormous, hairy scrotum tickled her nose with crotch hairs. Jen took a long, rancid whiff. An unseen guest was feeling up her rear: he pulled her garter belt tight and snapped it against her back. ``Ow! Careful with that, we charge a damages fee, you know!''\n\n``Wow, does she ever shut up?'' said Hamish.\n\n``I know a way to shut her up,'' said the buck.\n\nAnd so the gangbang began. Jen knew she'd brought this on herself, but they underestimated her ability to run her mouth even with a mouthful of unwashed penis. There were two stallions, though. She'd really had enough of horse dick after yesterday, but she bravely soldiered on even though they nearly thrust into her stomach! The two less little pigs mounted her first, then the mastiff and a rat, Others took their turns getting wet, sloppy blowjobs, while others simply masturbated over her.\n\n``Ulg,'' she said, withdrawing her mouth from one leaking cock while another spurted against her back. ``Well don't hold back now, you're already paying dry cleaning for these stockings, you might as well make a mess of me.'' She was dripping cum. The little donkey looked like she'd been in an accident in a silly string factory.\n\n``Oh, we will!'' said Hamish. ``Hey guys, who wants another round of snacks?''\n\n``I hate my life,'' mumbled Hameron from where he stood by the wall, watching the mayhem.\n\nJen was soon even more grossed out. These guys were so depraved that they'd happily go down on her or chug their beers while they had their way with her. And they had an endless variety of messy snacks, with no table manners. Chip crumbs, nacho cheese, pizza, ranch dressing, and all manner of sauces, as well as lots of spilled beer, soon fouled her coat. As the party got drunker and rowdier, they started offering her food as well, and worse, beer. Cheap, nasty, room temperature beer.\n\nShe knew it was a bad idea to drink on the job, as well as against company policy, but she was sick of her boss's shit tonight. She needed a fucking drink to get through this shift. Maybe three or four. They poured cups of it down her throat. After a couple drinks, her appetite came back. She hadn't had any lunch before coming here, so why not enjoy the free meal? Nachos, mac and cheese, a whole cup of ranch, artichoke dip, and so much beer and so, so much cum.\n\nSoon Jen remembered why this was a bad idea. Her stomach ached. It started to gurgle. Beer and greasy bar foods would have wreaked havoc on a full sized donkey's intestines, let alone a small one like her! This didn't bode well for her, or for the bathroom. She just had to pee right now but much worse was in her future. She was about to excuse herself when someone shouted: ``Hey guys! How about a game!''\n\n``I know! Pin the tail on the donkey!''\n\n``Hang on. I've already got a perfectly good tail right here,'' Jen said. But Hamilton was already opening a box of tail buttplugs on the coffee table. ``What the fuck?'' she gasped. ``When did they add those sizes?''\n\nThe players took turns trying to pin a tail under the one Jen was born with. They were drunk enough to not really need blindfolds, and they mostly missed their mark, but every time one succeeded, they moved up to a bigger size of plug. Jen endured the game in increasing agony. At least they were using lube, but the plugs were getting comically sized now.\n\n``Oh my god, you could block an elephant's butt with that thing,'' she said as a rat stumbled towards her. She pressed her tail protectively over her business end. ``It's game over boys, there's no way that thing'll even fi - YEEIIIIKKES!'' she brayed. ``Oh shit I was wrong! Ow, ow, ow, oh my - HEE HAW! Don't just yank it out! You guys are gonna put me in diapers!''\n\nSadly for her, there were still five more sizes of plug to go, and they didn't stop until the last one, a glittery pink unicorn tail monstrosity with an oblong head the size of a large mango, was rammed home with two men holding her shoulders, a third pulling her legs apart, and a fourth delivering the megalithic silicone suppository with all the grace of a sledgehammer. ``AAAAARGGH!'' Jen brayed in pain. It felt like she was being split in half! ``Holy shit!'' she gasped. ``If this doesn't end my career I'll be fucking elephants after this! Why did they buy this weapon of ass destruction? Get it? Ass destruction? Anybody? Oh, come on - OOLLGGCKK! Another girthy meat missile in the mouth silenced her again.\n\nJen was really tipsy now, but the beer couldn't erase her discomfort. She was bloated, clogged, and she needed a bathroom so badly now. If she wasn't now hobbled with ropes she would have waddled to the bathroom, but right now she needed permission, and for that she needed the presence of mind to stop her drunken babbling and beg. The partygoers were buzzed enough to find her chatter hilarious, and Jen loved the attention. She stood on the coffee table, yammering about whatever topic she could think of, from sports to the weather to the intricacies of the city's tax code. Even Hameron, who was otherwise catatonic, perked up a little at that one. Jen was loving the attention, but oh, man, her bladder was going to explode, and this plug was ruining her rear. She didn't know what was going to happen when it came out either. She belched. So much grease, cheese, and beer.\n\nThen, the true disaster struck. The ram came back from the bathroom with a sheepish look. ``Uh, bad news guys,'' he said. ``The toilet's clogged. Also, you're out of toilet paper.''\n\n``WHAT?'' yelled Hameron. He raced to the scene of the crime and returned, green in the face. ``How did you even manage that?'' he spluttered.\n\n``Sorry. Beer and nachos, you know how it goes. And it's not easy wiping with wool, so I had to use most of a roll.''\n\nThe youngest pig now had a crazed look in his eye now. ``Think on the bright side, Hameron. Think on the bright side,'' he muttered to himself. Well, my, uhh, acquaintances, the bathroom's definitely out of commission for tonight. I don't think a plunger can save that toilet, and I'm not calling a plumber in to all of this mayhem. Guess you'd all better go home and then my brothers can clean this fucking mess up!''\n\n``We don't have a designated driver,'' said one of the stallions. ``Our ride doesn't get here for a while.''\n\n``Don't worry, guys,'' slurred Hamish. ``We can head out to the - URPPP! The backyard!''\n\n``The backyard!'' cheered everyone else, even Hameron. ``Party in the backyard!'' The youngest pig added: ``That's a great idea! Go make a mess out there instead of in my living room!''\n\nJen was dragged through the house and out the door. They gathered on the back patio.\n\n``I don't think we thought this through,'' said a grizzly bear guest. ``There's no bathroom out here. I've really gotta take a leak.''\n\n``Well, Mi Casa is Zoo Casa,'' said Hamilton.\n\n``No it isn't! It's my casa!'' snapped Hameron.\n\n``Hey, I know!'' said the mastiff. ``Let's play pin the pee on the donkey!''\n\n``That doesn't make any sense,'' replied the bear. ``How do you peen piss, I mean ponk pee, I... how many have I had?''\n\n``Who's counting? I lost count of how much I've drunk but it's all goin' right through me. Let's pee on her!''\n\n``Wait a minute!'' cried Jen. ``I didn't agree to this! You can't just use me as a bathroom!''\n\n``Come on!'' drawled Hamish. ``Can't you take one for the team? We're bursting here!'' He finished chugging another huge mug of beer, which would only add to the liquid in his bladder.\n\nTake one for the team. Those words echoed hypnotically in Jen's equine skull. Give 110%. Family Drama. We're a family here! So nasty. So disgusting. So filthy. She dropped her ears flat and whined. The worst part was, she knew that she in fact had no right to refuse. Her rental agreement stated that the customer could do whatever they wanted to her, no matter how humiliating or degrading, including with whatever bodily fluids they had on hand. She'd never imagined that it could be cruelly interpreted as requiring her to submit to being a urinal, or worse, since she'd never dreamed a client could be that sick and twisted, but under the kingdom's employment law, Ow! Stop throwing things!\n\nWhile the narrator was being cruelly assaulted by uncultured philistines who didn't understand that complete loss of autonomy by means of the fine print in a contract was extremely sexy and exactly what the perverted audience asked for, if they could just appreciate it, the donkey mumbled: ``I guess I don't have a choice'' and stared up with apprehensive dismay at the bear taking aim over her.\n\nHe began pissing all over the poor donkey, drenching her back in a torrent of warm yellow liquid. A long, arduous, humiliating golden shower, leaving her dripping and completely ashamed that this was still turning her on. She let the second animal to use the new urinal let loose right on her head, drenching her completely, and as for the third? That repugnant rat made her open her mouth. Foul, acrid rodent piss, reeking of cheap beer, flooded her gullet. This was horrible. No, this was too much. She couldn't take it. She looked at Hameron with pleading eyes, begging him to rescue her from this torment, but the cowardly pig just watched with a guilty expression as two partygoers started shamelessly pissing all over her back.\n\nJen started swallowing. Such humiliation. Not even a four legged animal should be treated with such cruelty, yet here she was, losing her last precious shred of professional and personal dignity. What a worthless, slutty farm animal she was, not even charging extra for such cruel and unusually degrading acts as golden showers. She giggled drunkenly. ``Anything goes!'' she said. ``Make as much a mess of me as - hic! You can! My day off's already ruined!'' she started to sob. ``I have no work life balance! I've lost control of my life because I'm a pushover who can't say no to my boss! Look at what a dirty ass I am!'' A camera clicked. ``That's right, take all the pictures you want! The petting zoo has rights to use them commercially but otherwise you can - uggglglglgl! Send my family alllll the pictures of me drinking strange men's PISS!'' she gurgled. She let her mouth fill. Terrible! She didn't want this! She swallowed. Her instincts recoiled at the foul, musky liquid. ``I have no love life because I'm always at work, getting my holes destroyed for twelve farthings an hour!''\n\n``You can get make twelve farthings an hour doing this?'' said a wolf (not the big bad one. He was scrawny, and quite mild mannered when he wasn't at parties). ``Man, maybe I'm in the wrong career.'' \n\nA stallion gave him a weird look. ``Bro, I'm not saying I wouldn't, like, do stripteases for twelve an hour. Maybe even lap dances, if I had paid sick days and dental, but she's literally getting pissed on. That's gross, man, no way.'' He hypocritically took aim and started hosing her down with his thirteen inch horse dong.\n\n``Would you do it for a million?'' said the wolf.\n\n``An hour? In this economy? Hell yeah.''\n\n``So you're saying you have a price.''\n\n``All I'm saying is a million farthings is a lot of money.'' The stallion directed his raging, foamy stream of kidney filtered beer over the donkey's face. She let her mouth flood, and noticed that his urine didn't really taste worse than the cheap beer it had once been.\n\n``Yeah that's how prices work, man. So we're just arguing over numbers.''\n\n``A million farthings is, uhh, a fuckton times bigger than twelve, dude. You seriously don't see the difference between saying you'd let people piss on you for so much money you'd never have to work again and doing it for just a normal job amount?''\n\n``It's more then I'm making now. I'm only getting paid ten.''\n\n``Your self respect is worth TWO farthings an hour?''\n\n``I work retail, man, I'm selling my self respect either way! Every damn week I have to scrub toilets even though it's not in my job description.''\n\n``Scrubbing toilets is better than being one!'' argued the stallion. He was still reducing the donkey to just such a commode-ified object, and his stream showed no signs of slowing down. ``You know what, let's bet on it, I'll pay you twelve farthings and piss on you instead.''\n\nThe wolf made a flustered whimpering noise and tucked his tail between his legs to hide a boner.\n\n``What? That's you, it's different! You're my friend, that's way more awkward than getting pissed on by strangers you don't have to see again!''\n\n``You could run into somebody who remembers you at the grocery store or something. What if they walked up and were like hey, how's it going, you're the guy who likes drinking piss aren't you?''\n\n``Shit, I didn't think of that. Anyway, I was thinking, like, hot chicks doing it, you know? No offense but I wouldn't let you piss on me for just twelve an hour.''\n\n``How much then?''\n\n``Fifty. No, a hundred.''\n\n``Well I'm not willing to pay a hundred bucks to piss on you, because you aren't a hot chick either. It's simple supply and demand.''\n\n``Fine, 25 then!''\n\n``Deal. Wait, what'd I just agree too... fuck it.'' The horse reached for his hip. ``Shit. Where's my wallet.'' He turned and stared at his friend in horror. ``Bro, what happened to my wallet?''\n\n``Probably in your pants,'' said the wolf. It was then that he noticed that the naked stallion had obliviously turned around, still peeing, and was now splashing his belly and legs with a faucet of foul piss. ``Hey! What the fuck, man!''\n\n``What? Oh, shit, sorry.''\n\n``You owe me 25 farthings now!''\n\nThe pair's argument was amusing to the donkey, but when they want off to find the stallion's wallet, she returned to her state of debaucherous depression. ``And he always makes me service the dirtiest, rudest, most horrible clients!'' she blubbered. ``And I always say yes because he guilts me about being a team player, but then `e just thinks being filthy's all I'm good for!''\n\n``I think you might have had too much,'' said the bear.\n\n``I haven't had enough!'' sputtered Jen. ``I need more!''\n\n``If you say so.'' The bull looked at his empty mug. ``Fuck I'm so full. I'm not walking all the way back to the keg like this.'' He held the mug below his crotch and took aim. Jen watched with horror and lust as churning, frothing, foaming liquid rose higher and higher in the huge beer stein, filling it to the brim with cloudy bovine brew. He held it to her lips.\n\n``Um, that's not the liquid I meant!'' she stammered. ``I just wanna get so drunk I can call in sick with a hangover tomorrow, not...''\n\n``Chug! Chug! Chug! Chug!'' the partiers were cheering a minute later. She tried to resist, but they held her nose and ears and tipped her head back. Jen was miserably swallowing gulp after gulp of warm, sour bull piss. Her stomach was so painfully full. It tasted so foul. But she had to keep drinking until she forgot the shame of drinking this loathsome liquid.\n\n``Holy shit that's gross,'' someone said. ``Oh god. HEEURRGGGGGLHHHGLLARRGGHLLL!''\n\nThe donkey went rigid in shock as a torrent of beer and half digested snacks thundered down on her back. Hot and slimy. He'd puked on her. This just kept getting worse. It smelled so bad. She gagged. She was going to throw up soon too. But not before Hamilton leaned over and unloaded his alcohol filled stomach over her head in a hideous multicolored waterfall. Jen gasped and coughed.\n\n``That's nasty.'' The mastiff waded into the puddle of pig puke and started peeing on her. But with his bladder halfway empty, the smell overpowered him and he too started horking up rancid dog vomit. He fell to his knees and pulled the helpless donkey into a sloppy open mouthed kiss. His tongue went deep in her mouth. He convulsed. Jen stiffened in shock. Hot, bitterly boozy vomit surged up his throat and right down hers. It was so disgusting that somebody else puked on her too.\n\nJen's stomach could take no more. When he staggered away, wiping his mouth on his sleeve, she clenched and retched. HEURRRGGGHH! ``Oh, fuck. Oh my god. This isn't even biologically possible, but you guys are so gross I can't hold it back!'' she gasped. Putrid puke pooled around her front hooves. The bull helpfully held out the empty beer stein. She filled it with a waterfall of vomit. He held it to her lips and lifted it with a cruel laugh. No! Jen thought. Her body just accepted it, though. She choked half of the giant mug of her own puke down before it made her spew chunks all over the patio. He poured the rest on her head.\n\nThere were still plenty of snacks and beer. The furs kept eating, drinking, pissing and puking while Hameron sobbed in the corner. The other two pigs were only getting more depraved. Hamilton made her finish her off even after she puked all over him mid blow job, and as for Hamish? That disgusting, unwashed pig lecherously held her in place and kissed her. He belched, drool dribbling from his lips. Jen braced herself for the horror she knew was coming. The heinous hog swamped her in grotesque, lumpy puke. ``Swalluh itthh you cuntthh!'' he slurred. He smacked her across the face and pulled her mouth open, then brought his to it. Jen struggled weakly. Please, no, his breath was bad enough. With a mighty gurgle he too started vomiting directly into her mouth. With every cramp of his stomach, his body pumped that putrid piggy puke right down the poor Donkey's throat. Slimy, clotted half digested sludge filled her stomach to bursting, but that nasty pig had been doing just that: pigging out all night. Jen practically drowned in the consequences of his heavy drinking. Jen rolled on her back, writhing in the putrid mess and slurping it off the patio. ``I hate this job!'' she gagged. ``Why am I doing this to myself?'' She was covered in food, beer, urine and vomit. Her ass was still plugged. Her gut felt like it was going to explode!\n\n``Holy shit, this chick really has no limits!'' laughed Hamish. ``I bet she'd even eat our...'' His bulging beer gut rumbled. ``I hope so. The bathroom's out of commission, so you'd better eat it.''\n\n``Okay that's a little too far,'' babbled Jen. ``You're joking, right? Urine's sterile, you know? Puking on me's pretty bad, but you can't just assume I'll do anything. This has to be illegal. It's cruel and unsanitary punishment. Oh my god please don't.'' But she was already sniffing the pig's foul, swampy butt. He blew a massive beer and pizza fart in her face, causing her to vomit again. That only made room in her stomach for what was to come. Before her very eyes, his piggy pucker, the dreadful orifice beneath that squiggly curly tail, opened wide and a huge log of horrendous pig shit crowned, drooped, then plopped into the puddle of puke. Jen shuddered. Another serpent of filth slid over her head, smearing itself through the greasy vomit coating.\n\n``Somebody get this bitch a plate!'' someone laughed.\n\nThe pig filled the plate with a mountain of intolerable fecal matter. Animals were holding their noses and puking from the stench. Jen couldn't hold her nose with hooves though, she could only inhale the ghoulish odor of her client's bowel movement. Her eyes watered. ``Do I really have to do this?''\n\n``Eat it, slut!'' jeered Hamish.\n\n``You really are a pig,'' she said. She took a big bite. It tasted so bad she almost gave up, but she had to be brave and give 110% to her job. ``Come on, Jen, be a team player,'' she groaned as she choked down the foul, clay like mass. No words could even come close to describing how mind shatteringly putrid the taste was. Nothing she could ever do would be as bad as this. Jen kept crying, but she didn't give up until she'd eaten the entire pile. She'd done it! Now could her shift be over?\n\nAlas, it couldn't, since there were over a dozen other furs waiting. With no working bathroom, she was the only substitute. She rolled over on her back and let the rabbit squat. Rotten, creamy shit squorched out of his sphincter, filling her mouth. She choked it down, but then the bear pressed his buttocks right to her lips. His enormous turd slithered right down her throat like the cock of that infamous man from Nantucket. She slurped and smacked, licking his fetid asshole, then opening wide for the next male.\n\nBut the poor donkey's struggles were in vain, for with seventeen guys all with the beer shits and only one toilet, it was inevitable that they'd try to use her two or three at a time. The rat squirted something that was thick and sloppy, but not exactly solid onto her chest and belly while one of the dogs present fed her. Another load of greasy scat coated one of her hind legs, slithering down to her crotch. The buck bent over and ass-aulted her with a hailstorm of overly soft deer pellets.\n\nShe ate, and ate, until she burst. She retched, with thick, clogging feces oozing back out her mouth. Huge pressures battered her buttplug, but still it held firm. ``I'm as clogged as the toilet now,'' she gurgled. ``You'd better stop using me. What did I just say?''\n\nJen heaved up a massive amount of puke, making more room in her stomach. The ram demanded that she wipe his wooly ass with her tongue. Wow, she thought, it really was impossible to get wool clean. Her boss was right to subject her to this horrible pigsty instead of her ovine coworkers. Even so, she'd never feel clean again. The ram had diarrhea, and it was oppressively rancid. SPLURRRTT. FFFORRRT, SPLLRGGLUBBLLRUBLUUBLURRRBBTT. With the most inconcievably ketchup bottley of sounds, he sharted greasy, lactose intolerant hershey squirts right into her mouth.\n\nFor hours the orgy of toilet horrors continued. Jen was tied up, blindfolded, gagged with dirty skidmarked briefs, and spanked with a riding crop. She moaned and writhed in the filth, letting the disgusting pigs smear her entire body with excrement. Hamish roughly jammed his fingers into her, making her bray with pained arousal. Her stomach was so taut and bloated now.\n\nThe keg wasn't empty yet, so Hamish and Hamilton decided to butt chug some beer. After filling his ass with the foaming liquid, Hamish sat down on her face, wedging Jen between his dirty cheeks, and unleashed hell. Frothing, foaming, splattering liquid shit defiled the slutty donkey. Her maw filled with the abysmal combination of the flavors of cheap beer and pig manure. She choked down gulp after gulp, but he kept spewing thicker and thicker muck until Jen was choking on wet, slimy butt boogers. Hamilton was just as depraved as his brother, and firehosed the repugnant contents of his bowels all over the dripping donkey.\n\n``GGGLLACKK!'' she choked. She turned her head to the side and vomited some more. She had to make room while she could. Another big, furry ass smothered her, and whoever it was fingered her while having nonstop, putrid diarrhea in her face, swamping her with degrading spouts of liquid shit. She was so overstimulated that the lightest touch to her clit made her jerk and twitch, shaking and spluttering muddy turd soup. Mushy, creamy shit plopped down on her tongue. She retched on that ludicrously unwholesome flavor. His stomach was really upset now. But she needed to get off. He had to finish her. YES!\n\nSoft, mushy turds filled her maw to the brim at the moment of her climax. The disgusting fur on top of her grunted as his bowels violently emptied down her throat. She shuddered, gurgled, and subsided into the lake of shit around her.\n\n``Wow, we really ruined that donkey,'' Hamish said. ``I can't believe she came from that.''\n\n``What a whore. Totally shameless,'' agreed Hamilton. ``I gotta pee again. Let's give her a shower.''\n\n``Uh oh,'' someone said. ``I think my ride's here.''\n\nOne by one, the party guests dwindled. One fur after another cleaned himself up with the hose and went home. Hamish and Hamilton were completely trashed.\n\n``Man! URRRRP! What a party!'' Hamish patted his stomach. ``Ain't that right, little bro?''\n\n``Yeah! It's about time we finally got you to act like a REAL pig, right? And got you laid too!'' Hamilton slapped Hameron hard on the back which made him stumble forward. He stared at his brother with a goofy grin that turned to a perplexed grimace. The pig squinted through his beer goggles. ``Hey, wait a minute... you don't look like you've been partyin'. Have you been standing there like a fucking loser nerd this whole time?''\n\nHameron flinched. It was plain to see, even for the very drunk donkey. He was still in his clothes, and spotless other than the handprint his brother had just left on his pristine shirt.\n\n``What? No! I had a turn with her a while ago, before you and your friends made all this mess! You must have been getting more food or watching football or something, but I - I totally had sexual intercourse with her, and I ejaculated inside her vagina! I'm a real pig now!'' the pig stammered. He looked pleadingly at Jen, but the donkey was too wasted to take the hint.\n\n``No you didn't,'' she answered, unwittingly dooming the pig. ``You've just been standing around awkwardly and  - hic - panicking about how your house is all messy.'' She realized her mistake when she saw the horrified look on Hameron's face. She felt kind of sorry for him. \n\n``Have you even ate or drank anything?'' asked Hamish.\n\nHameron cringed in disgust. ``For some strange reason I haven't had much of an appetite. But I have been drinking! I'm just pacing myself since it's my first time. In fact, I feel ready for bed right now, ha ha, look how drunk I am! I'm going to go throw up and then pass out on the bathroom carpet because that's what binge drinkers like me do!''\n\n``Hold on, it's only 9:30!'' Hamish stumbled in front of the door and blocked it. ``And what kind of loser paces himself on his 21st birthday!''\n\n``A responsible adult - I mean, certainly not me!'' Hameron stammered. ``That was a joke, I've been shotgunning beers all night long!''\n\n``How'd you shotgun `em? We got a keg!'' said Hamilton. Hameron gulped. He bent down and sniffed him, which his brother recoiled at. ``But the party's not over yet, and you haven't been enjoying your present!''\n\nJen really felt bad now. ``Wait!'' she said. ``It's a birthday party isn't it? What about the cake? That's what you're missing, the cake! Everybody loves cake, right?''\n\n``Oh yeah, the cake!'' Hamish remembered. ``Yeah, we should've done the cake before everybody left. Fuckit, it's time for cake! I'll be right back!'' He went in the house.\n\n``Remember to wash your hands before handling food!'' Hameron called after him. ``Oh dear god, does this mean he's lighting candles? If he sets the house on fire, my insurance premiums -'' \n\nIt's not me, it's the character! Stop booing! Fuck you guys! I'm the narrator, not you! Me! I have the power! I'm taking a break, if you don't like my narration, the exit's that way!\n\nIf you want to hear the conclusion of this stunningly sordid and erotic, very sexy and not at all boring fairy tale of the Three Little Pigs, one dirty donkey, and the financial system of the magical kingdom, stick around for Part 2.\n\n[i]To Be Continued[/i]"
}

{
  "description": "In this filthy fairy tale, a talking donkey who works at a mobile petting zoo for adults only gets hired to work a birthday party. Her clients are none other than the Three Little Pigs. The older two have hired her for their brother's surprise birthday party without his knowledge, and the third pig is none too happy about it. His brothers and the guests they invited turn the house into a pigsty, and the hapless donkey faces one of the dirtiest jobs of her career.\n\nThis story is a request for @DylanDice . It took a bit of brainstorming and negotiation to come up with an idea we were both happy with: the original request was for a story with the donkey from Shrek and Spider Ham. I wasn't comfortable doing scat smut of those characters but it got me thinking about fairy tale parodies, and I'm so happy he said yes to this absurd premise! The requester isn't into female excretion, so what we agreed on is splitting this story into two parts: part 1 is just the donkey gal getting used as a toilet and some vomiting of the foul substances she's fed. Part 2, just for my self indulgence, has her getting some much needed relief at the expense of the third little pig, but in the aftermath they both learn things about themselves and get in touch with their piggish sides.\n\nThe usual disclaimer applies that all characters are mental and physical adults and this is a work of absurd fantasy, not condoning real world bestiality or zoophilia and so on. Some extra warnings apply for this one: this story contains depictions of sex work, exploitative power dynamics, sex while heavily inebriated, characters performing sex acts they're uncomfortable with under various forms of peer pressure or financial duress, and other forms of questionable consent, use of oversized sex toys causing injury, as well as quasi-incest (siblings participating in an orgy together). Most of this isn't safe, sane, or consensual. None of this should be taken as condonement or endorsement of any of the acts depicted, and the narrative's commentary on it be shouldn't taken seriously either because this is a giant shitpost even by my standards. I was trying to parody fairy tales, dumb porn plot tropes, and the idea of using porn as social commentary itself while also doing a running gag of a narrator repeatedly putting irrelevant worldbuilding in a smut fic. You be the judge of whether I was on one too many levels of meta irony this time. I think it's still funny in a dark and deranged way, but I feel a little gross after writing it. I think I need to write some wholesome, loving, fully consensual piss or shit porn as a detox after this nonsense."
}

{
  "writing": "[b]Part 1[/b]\n\nOnce upon a time, in a land you are probably familiar with from fairy tales and nursery rhymes, there was a city. In that city there were all sorts of businesses, like butchers, bakers, candlestick makers, woodcutters who hunted wolves as a side hustle, as well as spinners, weavers, window washers, cesspit cleaners, bureaucrats, and many other more or less glamorous professions, but the city's economy isn't really important to this story. What is important is something you don't often hear about in fairy tales, and even less in nursery rhymes: Sex. The dirty deed, the horizontal tango, making love, and many other words including, of course, fucking.\n\nBut this too was a business, for thanks to some permissive policies put in place by a wise and open minded king, the city was home to a variety of ``Novelty shops,'' burlesque clubs, houses of every degree of repute, and castles with dungeons under them, that catered to every taste and species. This was very good for tax revenue - okay, fine, enough about the economy, I promise! Anyway, a ways down the road from Mother Goose's House of Delights, there was a traveling petting zoo, the kind that rents animals out to parties for guests to play with and also sometimes rents bouncy castles. But this was a very special petting zoo: an adults-only petting zoo. A Heavy Petting Zoo, if you will. It specialized in catering to certain unusual tastes: it provided its services to very rowdy, debaucherous parties that often happened late at night, and the guests were allowed to touch the animals as inappropriately as they wanted. The animals were all talking animals of course, because otherwise that would be fucked up, but they were the four legged kind (other than three chickens and a goose), which many still think is weird. They were all employees, of course, and enjoyed their jobs as much as anyone can really enjoy a job. They weren't unionized, and they didn't even have Dental, but they were paid 12 copper farthings per hour, which sounds low but considering the inflation rate of fantasy kingdoms it was above the median wage for the area, and they did get room and board - wait, come back, I swear I'll shut up about the economy!\n\nAnyway, the petting zoo had all kinds of animals. There were the chickens and goose I mentioned, there were sheep, there were ponies, there were llamas, there were goats, and there was a miniature donkey, who is the subject of this sordid tale, or rather, ``tail.''\n\nThe donkey, who was imaginatively named Jen, stood in her boss's office, arguing with him. ``But it's my day off!'' she brayed stubbornly, and stamped her hoof on the floor.\n\n``I know it is, Jenny,'' her boss said smarmily and slicked back his combover. ``But we're understaffed here and we need all hands on dick - I mean deck. I mean hooves, for you. That's a metaphor, no hooves on dick unless the customer asks for it. The point is, everyone else is booked, sick, on vacation, or can't handle a job like this.''\n\n``I told you not to call me Jenny,'' said Jen. ``Only my friends and family call me that.''\n\n``Well, we're all a family here at Touching Tails, right? Come on, Jenny, this is a difficult customer, and no girl at this petting zoo can take a pounding like you.''\n\n``That makes it worse! I always get the problem customers! The weirdos! The freaks!''\n\n``I give you harder jobs because you're our top performer. Where's your team spirit? I need 110% from you!''\n\n``I am giving 110%! This whole week's been awful! On Sunday I was plowed and seeded by every farmer in the whole dell, Monday I had that weird guy who always puts his wife in a pumpkin shell and makes me eat my way to her, then eat her out. On Tuesday I got Rumpleforeskin again, and his smegma was worse than ever! Then Wednesday was that dirty old man from Nantucket, and he shoved it so far down my throat it almost came out the other end! I spent Thursday rub a dub dubbing in a tub with guess who? The butcher, the baker, and the candlestick maker! I still have hot wax in my tail! And yesterday was the worst of all: All the King's men, and all the King's horses too! Do you know what you get when you make a miniature donkey take all those big, tall war stallions?''\n\nHer boss looked blank. ``A medium sized mule?''\n\n``No!'' she brayed. ``A very sore donkey! I'm going to walk funny for weeks after that! I think they rearranged my internal organs!''\n\n``Hmm...'' Her boss got up from his desk. He walked around behind the donkey and lifted her tail. ``Still looks fine to me.'' He gave her rump a light smack. Jen ground her teeth. She was tender and bruised back there.\n\n``The horses weren't even the worst part,'' she complained. ``Ugh, I hate working knights! Oh, they're all chivalrous when they're on duty, but once they take off that shining armor and have a few drinks, urgh, I?m sick of servicing a bunch of gross pigs!''\n\nHer boss chuckled. ``Well, I've got bad news about your clients for today then.''\n\n``They'd better not be more knights.'' Her boss shook his head. ``Squires?'' He shook it again. ``Knaves? Lords? Dukes? Earls? Bishops? Rooks?\"\n\n``Colder.''\n\n``Then who the hell is it?''\n\n``Let's just say it's one of those dirty jobs.''\n\nNow she understood. ``No. Hell no.''\n\n``Please? I already told the clients I had a girl who'd do it.''\n\n``Then get somebody else to. I've had farmers, pumpkin guts, smegma, knights who've been sweating in their armor all day, grimy horses, crusty Nantucket sailors - even the tub was nasty!''\n\n``I'm sorry, Jenny, but the only other girl who's free is Maggie, and she's a sheep! Donkey fur's easier to wash than sheep wool. You've got to take one for the team sometimes!''\n\nJen thought about workplace discrimination laws, and whether making her work with the most unhygienic clients because of her fur texture was grounds for a lawsuit - Ouch! Oh come on, this isn't the economy, it's the legal system!\n\nWe apologize for the narration of this story. The narrator has been disciplined, and is now ready to read the story in a sexier way. We now return you to this production of Filthy Fairy Tales: An Ass Among the Swine.\n\nIt is not boring, you just don't appreciate verisimilitude in your porn about magical talking animals. It adds immersion. Fine, whatever.\n\nOnce upon a time, in fact, the same general time that it was once upon, there were three little pigs. I'm sure you've all heard of their encounters with the Big Bad Wolf. Well, the first and the second little pigs managed to escape from the wolf's slavering jaws, but they were left homeless after the villain's vicious attacks on their shoddily constructed dwellings and had to move in with their little brother. In a town that was really more of a suburb of the city, although it was outside of city limits, but within the same metropolitan area for census purposes, the three little pigs now lived together in a large, sturdy brick house. As for the Big Bad Wolf, he lived in an even sturdier concrete cell on the other side of town, where he was serving time on a ten year plea deal after being charged with over forty counts, including vandalism, burglary, stalking, menacing, criminal threats...\n\nOuch! Oh come on, that was criminal law! That's exciting isn't it? That tomato wasn't even ripe, that hurt!\n\nBunch of simple minded philistines... where was I? Once upon a time, Hameron, the third little pig, came home from work. He was a tax accountant, and had gone into the office on the weekend to give 110% like a real team player, which he didn't mind all that much because he got 150% overtime pay, a benefit which animals at adult petting zoos didn't get, although thanks to the King's tax reforms tips up to 5,000 shillings annually didn't count toward their taxable no no you don't need to throw that I'll make it sexy I swear!\n\nHameron came home from work after a long hard day of doing boring grown up things nobody cares about. He had totally forgotten that today was his 21st Birthday, but his older brothers, Hamish and Hamilton, had not. They weren't quite so little pigs anymore. Hamish and Hamilton weren't anyway, but Hameron was the runt of the litter. He dug his keys out of his pants pocket, for the three little pigs were talking animals of the kind that walks on two legs and wears clothes. ``Oh, I hope my brothers haven't turned the house into a pigsty again,'' he muttered. ``What a week. I just want to relax in my armchair with a nice book. Peace and quiet at last.''\n\nHe opened the door. ``SURPRISE!'' numerous voices shouted. The lights flicked on, to reveal over a dozen bipedal beasts Hameron didn't know crowded in his living room. He squealed in astonishment. The house was a disaster. He started to back away, but his brothers put their hands on his shoulders and steered him into the house.\n\n``Happy Birthday, little bro!'' said Hamish, the oldest pig, who'd built the straw house.\n\n``We got you a keg!'' bellowed Hamilton. ``Man, this party's gonna be awesome!'' He flipped his baseball cap around backwards.\n\n``A - a keg?'' Hameron stammered. ``I - that's very thoughtful of you, it's the thought that counts after all, but I didn't want - you didn't have to do all this for me!''\n\n``Of course we did, bro! You only turn 21 once!''\n\n``Guys, it's - it's been a stressful week.''\n\n``We know that, bro! Come one, it's time to loosen up and enjoy yourself!''\n\nLoud music with too much bass blasted from the speakers. There was football on TV, and fifteen strangers crowded in his living room.\n\n``Who are all these people?'' Hameron asked.\n\n``Oh. Well, we didn't really know who your friends were, but we couldn't ruin the surprise by asking, so we invited some of our buddies instead! This is Tod, from our frat, and Mike, also from our frat, and Jerry, who got kicked out of the frat but he's really cool.''\n\nThe party was horrible. Hameron sat on the couch in a daze. How could this be happening to him?\n\n``No! My coffee table! Use a coaster!'' he squealed. ``Wait, careful with that salsa around the couch!''\n\n``Huh?'' said Jerry, who was a big mastiff dog. He turned around with a double dipped chip in each hand. In the process, he knocked the bowl of salsa over and spilled it all over Hameron's white couch!\n\n``Nooooo!'' cried Hameron, falling to his knees in despair. ``This party can't get any worse...''\n\nBut he was wrong, for it was just then that there was a knock at the door.\n\n``I can't believe I let that asshole talk me into this...'' Jen grumbled as she was led up to the door on a rope. She was wearing a bridle, four fishnet leggings and a garter belt, and a sign that said: ``Jenny. She's a dirty girl and she likes it rough.'' She felt a faint glimmer of hope looking at the house. It was pretty clean and well kept on the outside, obviously good architecture too. Maybe this wouldn't be so bad. Then the door opened to the chaos and bedlam within. There were two tall and portly pigs in beer and sauce stained tank tops. A bunch of other animals were dancing, playing beer pong, and helping themselves to the snacks. Weren't there supposed to be three pigs? No, now she saw the third, standing there looking totally out of place in Business Casual attire, holding a roll of paper towels.\n\n``Mobile adults only Heavy Petting Zoo, right here!'' said the delivery guy. ``I got one slutty donkey for you to sign for!''\n\nThe tallest pig stumbled to the door. He grabbled the clipboard and scribbled a signature. The delivery guy took it back, carefully avoiding the grease and crumbs. ``Thank you sir.''\n\n``Who's this piece of ass?'' The other pig took Jenny's rope and slapped her ass.\n\n``Wow, never heard that one before,'' the donkey said with a roll of her eyes.\n\n``This is Jenny. She's all yours, all night. Don't be too gentle with her! There's a box of accessories out on the lawn. Have fun!'' He walked away back to the truck.\n\nJen's heart hammered as she was led into the living room to meet all the party guests. Fifteen obnoxious fratboys of many species, wearing shirts that said things like ``Neverland College beer pong champion'' and ``Varsity Burping.'' The house was a pigsty, with food stains and trash everywhere, and it smelled like sweat and unwashed farm animals. Then there were the pigs themselves, making eighteen males in all. The larger two were the most obnoxious of the bunch. As for the smaller and better dressed pig...\n\n``What the fuck? You guys hired a stripper for my party?''\n\n``Not just a stripper,'' said the largest pig. His belly button protruded from his crumb stained tank top. ``Happy Birthday, Hameron! Here's your present! Kiss your virginity goodbye!''\n\nA virgin? Well, that wasn't surprising. Not from a guy who showed up to a keg party in that outfit. The pig grinned nervously and waved. ``Oh my god, you're... oh, no.'' He was beginning to hyperventilate, Jen observed. ``For me?'' he whimpered. ``Guys, I know it's the thought that counts, but what were you thinking?''\n\n``We were thinking you really need to get laid, dude,'' said the middle pig, Hamilton.\n\n``That's what you assholes wanted! Not what I wanted! You guys are the worst brothers on the planet! So help me, I'm not kidding about charging you guys rent if you don't respect my boundaries more!''\n\nThat made things awkward. ``Wow, okay, sounds like we got some family drama,'' Jen said with a nervous laugh. ``So, are you guys triplets or something? I can really see the family resemblance!''\n\n``Ha ha. He's 24, he's 25,'' said Hameron. ``I'm really sorry for wasting your time, miss... Jenny, but can I get a refund for my well meaning but misguided brothers?''\n\n``Nope. Sorry. Paid up front, no refunds. Petting zoo credit only, but for parties all rentals are final.'' Jen hid the annoyance in her voice. She really didn't want to work today, but being rejected kind of stung.\n\n``I was afraid you'd say that. Oh, well...'' he hung his head sadly. ``Well, I guess it's time for me to retire to my room for tonight! It's been a really fun party, guys!'' said the pig with a forced smile. ``Let's go up to my room, uhh... sexy... stuff?'' He knelt down and whispered in her ear. ``Please play along. If my stupid brothers paid for you up front, it's free money to just hang out until they leave.''\n\nJen really didn't want to be the bearer of bad news. ``That's not how it works,'' she said. ``They paid for the party package.''\n\n``What does that mean?''\n\n``It means we didn't rent a donkey for you, we rented a donkey for everyone at the party!'' cheered Hamish. The whole room erupted into bellows and howls of delight.\n\n``Oh my God,'' said Hameron. ``Um... I think maybe I'll sit this round out?''\n\n``Whatever, bro. Hope you like sloppy seconds.'' Hamish pulled Jen into the center of the living room, while the other guests pushed furniture bag to clear a space. Jen felt the thrill of imminent violation coming. The truth was, she did enjoy jobs like this. Being rented out like a farm animal... used, abused, run ragged, and returned to the petting zoo tired, sore, and messy? Oh, it was making her knees tremble. She needed a week to recover from being used as a breeding mount for all those horses, but her boss was right. She was the only girl at the petting zoo who could handle a dozen rowdy, horny males at once all by herself. Seventeen was too many even for her, though, she thought. Her tail flagged automatically. Someone groped her thighs, spreading her legs aside, then felt lower down and squeezed her udder.\n\n``Come on, boys, step right up, form a neat and orderly queue... or don't,'' she said with a gulp as they crowded around her. ``Or you could just have a circle jerk on me. Oww, that's my tail! That is my personal tail, don't pull, were you guys raised in a barn? Heck, I was raised in a barn and I've got better manners.'' Someone's pants were down already. With a laugh the buck shoved his sweaty shorts in Jen's face. She gagged. ``Holy crap, you guys are nasty. You smell like you haven't taken more than five showers this year between all of you.''\n\nThe guys laughed and made her smell more of their discarded clothing, Stained socks, the armpits of a shirt that said ``Pull my finger,'' and musty XXL size underpants.\n\n``It's a good thing I was with Rumpleforeskin on Tuesday,'' she said, ``Because this is rancid. You're messy eaters too, wow. There's Cheeto dust, nacho cheese, I don't know if I can work under these conditions, somebody oughta call a health inspect - oof!'' A ram grabbed the donkey by the ears and pulled her to his crotch. His massive, veiny cock flopped over her face. His enormous, hairy scrotum tickled her nose with crotch hairs. Jen took a long, rancid whiff. An unseen guest was feeling up her rear: he pulled her garter belt tight and snapped it against her back. ``Ow! Careful with that, we charge a damages fee, you know!''\n\n``Wow, does she ever shut up?'' said Hamish.\n\n``I know a way to shut her up,'' said the buck.\n\nAnd so the gangbang began. Jen knew she'd brought this on herself, but they underestimated her ability to run her mouth even with a mouthful of unwashed penis. There were two stallions, though. She'd really had enough of horse dick after yesterday, but she bravely soldiered on even though they nearly thrust into her stomach! The two less little pigs mounted her first, then the mastiff and a rat, Others took their turns getting wet, sloppy blowjobs, while others simply masturbated over her.\n\n``Ulg,'' she said, withdrawing her mouth from one leaking cock while another spurted against her back. ``Well don't hold back now, you're already paying dry cleaning for these stockings, you might as well make a mess of me.'' She was dripping cum. The little donkey looked like she'd been in an accident in a silly string factory.\n\n``Oh, we will!'' said Hamish. ``Hey guys, who wants another round of snacks?''\n\n``I hate my life,'' mumbled Hameron from where he stood by the wall, watching the mayhem.\n\nJen was soon even more grossed out. These guys were so depraved that they'd happily go down on her or chug their beers while they had their way with her. And they had an endless variety of messy snacks, with no table manners. Chip crumbs, nacho cheese, pizza, ranch dressing, and all manner of sauces, as well as lots of spilled beer, soon fouled her coat. As the party got drunker and rowdier, they started offering her food as well, and worse, beer. Cheap, nasty, room temperature beer.\n\nShe knew it was a bad idea to drink on the job, as well as against company policy, but she was sick of her boss's shit tonight. She needed a fucking drink to get through this shift. Maybe three or four. They poured cups of it down her throat. After a couple drinks, her appetite came back. She hadn't had any lunch before coming here, so why not enjoy the free meal? Nachos, mac and cheese, a whole cup of ranch, artichoke dip, and so much beer and so, so much cum.\n\nSoon Jen remembered why this was a bad idea. Her stomach ached. It started to gurgle. Beer and greasy bar foods would have wreaked havoc on a full sized donkey's intestines, let alone a small one like her! This didn't bode well for her, or for the bathroom. She just had to pee right now but much worse was in her future. She was about to excuse herself when someone shouted: ``Hey guys! How about a game!''\n\n``I know! Pin the tail on the donkey!''\n\n``Hang on. I've already got a perfectly good tail right here,'' Jen said. But Hamilton was already opening a box of tail buttplugs on the coffee table. ``What the fuck?'' she gasped. ``When did they add those sizes?''\n\nThe players took turns trying to pin a tail under the one Jen was born with. They were drunk enough to not really need blindfolds, and they mostly missed their mark, but every time one succeeded, they moved up to a bigger size of plug. Jen endured the game in increasing agony. At least they were using lube, but the plugs were getting comically sized now.\n\n``Oh my god, you could block an elephant's butt with that thing,'' she said as a rat stumbled towards her. She pressed her tail protectively over her business end. ``It's game over boys, there's no way that thing'll even fi - YEEIIIIKKES!'' she brayed. ``Oh shit I was wrong! Ow, ow, ow, oh my - HEE HAW! Don't just yank it out! You guys are gonna put me in diapers!''\n\nSadly for her, there were still five more sizes of plug to go, and they didn't stop until the last one, a glittery pink unicorn tail monstrosity with an oblong head the size of a large mango, was rammed home with two men holding her shoulders, a third pulling her legs apart, and a fourth delivering the megalithic silicone suppository with all the grace of a sledgehammer. ``AAAAARGGH!'' Jen brayed in pain. It felt like she was being split in half! ``Holy shit!'' she gasped. ``If this doesn't end my career I'll be fucking elephants after this! Why did they buy this weapon of ass destruction? Get it? Ass destruction? Anybody? Oh, come on - OOLLGGCKK! Another girthy meat missile in the mouth silenced her again.\n\nJen was really tipsy now, but the beer couldn't erase her discomfort. She was bloated, clogged, and she needed a bathroom so badly now. If she wasn't now hobbled with ropes she would have waddled to the bathroom, but right now she needed permission, and for that she needed the presence of mind to stop her drunken babbling and beg. The partygoers were buzzed enough to find her chatter hilarious, and Jen loved the attention. She stood on the coffee table, yammering about whatever topic she could think of, from sports to the weather to the intricacies of the city's tax code. Even Hameron, who was otherwise catatonic, perked up a little at that one. Jen was loving the attention, but oh, man, her bladder was going to explode, and this plug was ruining her rear. She didn't know what was going to happen when it came out either. She belched. So much grease, cheese, and beer.\n\nThen, the true disaster struck. The ram came back from the bathroom with a sheepish look. ``Uh, bad news guys,'' he said. ``The toilet's clogged. Also, you're out of toilet paper.''\n\n``WHAT?'' yelled Hameron. He raced to the scene of the crime and returned, green in the face. ``How did you even manage that?'' he spluttered.\n\n``Sorry. Beer and nachos, you know how it goes. And it's not easy wiping with wool, so I had to use most of a roll.''\n\nThe youngest pig now had a crazed look in his eye now. ``Think on the bright side, Hameron. Think on the bright side,'' he muttered to himself. Well, my, uhh, acquaintances, the bathroom's definitely out of commission for tonight. I don't think a plunger can save that toilet, and I'm not calling a plumber in to all of this mayhem. Guess you'd all better go home and then my brothers can clean this fucking mess up!''\n\n``We don't have a designated driver,'' said one of the stallions. ``Our ride doesn't get here for a while.''\n\n``Don't worry, guys,'' slurred Hamish. ``We can head out to the - URPPP! The backyard!''\n\n``The backyard!'' cheered everyone else, even Hameron. ``Party in the backyard!'' The youngest pig added: ``That's a great idea! Go make a mess out there instead of in my living room!''\n\nJen was dragged through the house and out the door. They gathered on the back patio.\n\n``I don't think we thought this through,'' said a grizzly bear guest. ``There's no bathroom out here. I've really gotta take a leak.''\n\n``Well, Mi Casa is Zoo Casa,'' said Hamilton.\n\n``No it isn't! It's my casa!'' snapped Hameron.\n\n``Hey, I know!'' said the mastiff. ``Let's play pin the pee on the donkey!''\n\n``That doesn't make any sense,'' replied the bear. ``How do you peen piss, I mean ponk pee, I... how many have I had?''\n\n``Who's counting? I lost count of how much I've drunk but it's all goin' right through me. Let's pee on her!''\n\n``Wait a minute!'' cried Jen. ``I didn't agree to this! You can't just use me as a bathroom!''\n\n``Come on!'' drawled Hamish. ``Can't you take one for the team? We're bursting here!'' He finished chugging another huge mug of beer, which would only add to the liquid in his bladder.\n\nTake one for the team. Those words echoed hypnotically in Jen's equine skull. Give 110%. Family Drama. We're a family here! So nasty. So disgusting. So filthy. She dropped her ears flat and whined. The worst part was, she knew that she in fact had no right to refuse. Her rental agreement stated that the customer could do whatever they wanted to her, no matter how humiliating or degrading, including with whatever bodily fluids they had on hand. She'd never imagined that it could be cruelly interpreted as requiring her to submit to being a urinal, or worse, since she'd never dreamed a client could be that sick and twisted, but under the kingdom's employment law, Ow! Stop throwing things!\n\nWhile the narrator was being cruelly assaulted by uncultured philistines who didn't understand that complete loss of autonomy by means of the fine print in a contract was extremely sexy and exactly what the perverted audience asked for, if they could just appreciate it, the donkey mumbled: ``I guess I don't have a choice'' and stared up with apprehensive dismay at the bear taking aim over her.\n\nHe began pissing all over the poor donkey, drenching her back in a torrent of warm yellow liquid. A long, arduous, humiliating golden shower, leaving her dripping and completely ashamed that this was still turning her on. She let the second animal to use the new urinal let loose right on her head, drenching her completely, and as for the third? That repugnant rat made her open her mouth. Foul, acrid rodent piss, reeking of cheap beer, flooded her gullet. This was horrible. No, this was too much. She couldn't take it. She looked at Hameron with pleading eyes, begging him to rescue her from this torment, but the cowardly pig just watched with a guilty expression as two partygoers started shamelessly pissing all over her back.\n\nJen started swallowing. Such humiliation. Not even a four legged animal should be treated with such cruelty, yet here she was, losing her last precious shred of professional and personal dignity. What a worthless, slutty farm animal she was, not even charging extra for such cruel and unusually degrading acts as golden showers. She giggled drunkenly. ``Anything goes!'' she said. ``Make as much a mess of me as - hic! You can! My day off's already ruined!'' she started to sob. ``I have no work life balance! I've lost control of my life because I'm a pushover who can't say no to my boss! Look at what a dirty ass I am!'' A camera clicked. ``That's right, take all the pictures you want! The petting zoo has rights to use them commercially but otherwise you can - uggglglglgl! Send my family alllll the pictures of me drinking strange men's PISS!'' she gurgled. She let her mouth fill. Terrible! She didn't want this! She swallowed. Her instincts recoiled at the foul, musky liquid. ``I have no love life because I'm always at work, getting my holes destroyed for twelve farthings an hour!''\n\n``You can get make twelve farthings an hour doing this?'' said a wolf (not the big bad one. He was scrawny, and quite mild mannered when he wasn't at parties). ``Man, maybe I'm in the wrong career.'' \n\nA stallion gave him a weird look. ``Bro, I'm not saying I wouldn't, like, do stripteases for twelve an hour. Maybe even lap dances, if I had paid sick days and dental, but she's literally getting pissed on. That's gross, man, no way.'' He hypocritically took aim and started hosing her down with his thirteen inch horse dong.\n\n``Would you do it for a million?'' said the wolf.\n\n``An hour? In this economy? Hell yeah.''\n\n``So you're saying you have a price.''\n\n``All I'm saying is a million farthings is a lot of money.'' The stallion directed his raging, foamy stream of kidney filtered beer over the donkey's face. She let her mouth flood, and noticed that his urine didn't really taste worse than the cheap beer it had once been.\n\n``Yeah that's how prices work, man. So we're just arguing over numbers.''\n\n``A million farthings is, uhh, a fuckton times bigger than twelve, dude. You seriously don't see the difference between saying you'd let people piss on you for so much money you'd never have to work again and doing it for just a normal job amount?''\n\n``It's more then I'm making now. I'm only getting paid ten.''\n\n``Your self respect is worth TWO farthings an hour?''\n\n``I work retail, man, I'm selling my self respect either way! Every damn week I have to scrub toilets even though it's not in my job description.''\n\n``Scrubbing toilets is better than being one!'' argued the stallion. He was still reducing the donkey to just such a commode-ified object, and his stream showed no signs of slowing down. ``You know what, let's bet on it, I'll pay you twelve farthings and piss on you instead.''\n\nThe wolf made a flustered whimpering noise and tucked his tail between his legs to hide a boner.\n\n``What? That's you, it's different! You're my friend, that's way more awkward than getting pissed on by strangers you don't have to see again!''\n\n``You could run into somebody who remembers you at the grocery store or something. What if they walked up and were like hey, how's it going, you're the guy who likes drinking piss aren't you?''\n\n``Shit, I didn't think of that. Anyway, I was thinking, like, hot chicks doing it, you know? No offense but I wouldn't let you piss on me for just twelve an hour.''\n\n``How much then?''\n\n``Fifty. No, a hundred.''\n\n``Well I'm not willing to pay a hundred bucks to piss on you, because you aren't a hot chick either. It's simple supply and demand.''\n\n``Fine, 25 then!''\n\n``Deal. Wait, what'd I just agree too... fuck it.'' The horse reached for his hip. ``Shit. Where's my wallet.'' He turned and stared at his friend in horror. ``Bro, what happened to my wallet?''\n\n``Probably in your pants,'' said the wolf. It was then that he noticed that the naked stallion had obliviously turned around, still peeing, and was now splashing his belly and legs with a faucet of foul piss. ``Hey! What the fuck, man!''\n\n``What? Oh, shit, sorry.''\n\n``You owe me 25 farthings now!''\n\nThe pair's argument was amusing to the donkey, but when they want off to find the stallion's wallet, she returned to her state of debaucherous depression. ``And he always makes me service the dirtiest, rudest, most horrible clients!'' she blubbered. ``And I always say yes because he guilts me about being a team player, but then `e just thinks being filthy's all I'm good for!''\n\n``I think you might have had too much,'' said the bear.\n\n``I haven't had enough!'' sputtered Jen. ``I need more!''\n\n``If you say so.'' The bull looked at his empty mug. ``Fuck I'm so full. I'm not walking all the way back to the keg like this.'' He held the mug below his crotch and took aim. Jen watched with horror and lust as churning, frothing, foaming liquid rose higher and higher in the huge beer stein, filling it to the brim with cloudy bovine brew. He held it to her lips.\n\n``Um, that's not the liquid I meant!'' she stammered. ``I just wanna get so drunk I can call in sick with a hangover tomorrow, not...''\n\n``Chug! Chug! Chug! Chug!'' the partiers were cheering a minute later. She tried to resist, but they held her nose and ears and tipped her head back. Jen was miserably swallowing gulp after gulp of warm, sour bull piss. Her stomach was so painfully full. It tasted so foul. But she had to keep drinking until she forgot the shame of drinking this loathsome liquid.\n\n``Holy shit that's gross,'' someone said. ``Oh god. HEEURRGGGGGLHHHGLLARRGGHLLL!''\n\nThe donkey went rigid in shock as a torrent of beer and half digested snacks thundered down on her back. Hot and slimy. He'd puked on her. This just kept getting worse. It smelled so bad. She gagged. She was going to throw up soon too. But not before Hamilton leaned over and unloaded his alcohol filled stomach over her head in a hideous multicolored waterfall. Jen gasped and coughed.\n\n``That's nasty.'' The mastiff waded into the puddle of pig puke and started peeing on her. But with his bladder halfway empty, the smell overpowered him and he too started horking up rancid dog vomit. He fell to his knees and pulled the helpless donkey into a sloppy open mouthed kiss. His tongue went deep in her mouth. He convulsed. Jen stiffened in shock. Hot, bitterly boozy vomit surged up his throat and right down hers. It was so disgusting that somebody else puked on her too.\n\nJen's stomach could take no more. When he staggered away, wiping his mouth on his sleeve, she clenched and retched. HEURRRGGGHH! ``Oh, fuck. Oh my god. This isn't even biologically possible, but you guys are so gross I can't hold it back!'' she gasped. Putrid puke pooled around her front hooves. The bull helpfully held out the empty beer stein. She filled it with a waterfall of vomit. He held it to her lips and lifted it with a cruel laugh. No! Jen thought. Her body just accepted it, though. She choked half of the giant mug of her own puke down before it made her spew chunks all over the patio. He poured the rest on her head.\n\nThere were still plenty of snacks and beer. The furs kept eating, drinking, pissing and puking while Hameron sobbed in the corner. The other two pigs were only getting more depraved. Hamilton made her finish her off even after she puked all over him mid blow job, and as for Hamish? That disgusting, unwashed pig lecherously held her in place and kissed her. He belched, drool dribbling from his lips. Jen braced herself for the horror she knew was coming. The heinous hog swamped her in grotesque, lumpy puke. ``Swalluh itthh you cuntthh!'' he slurred. He smacked her across the face and pulled her mouth open, then brought his to it. Jen struggled weakly. Please, no, his breath was bad enough. With a mighty gurgle he too started vomiting directly into her mouth. With every cramp of his stomach, his body pumped that putrid piggy puke right down the poor Donkey's throat. Slimy, clotted half digested sludge filled her stomach to bursting, but that nasty pig had been doing just that: pigging out all night. Jen practically drowned in the consequences of his heavy drinking. Jen rolled on her back, writhing in the putrid mess and slurping it off the patio. ``I hate this job!'' she gagged. ``Why am I doing this to myself?'' She was covered in food, beer, urine and vomit. Her ass was still plugged. Her gut felt like it was going to explode!\n\n``Holy shit, this chick really has no limits!'' laughed Hamish. ``I bet she'd even eat our...'' His bulging beer gut rumbled. ``I hope so. The bathroom's out of commission, so you'd better eat it.''\n\n``Okay that's a little too far,'' babbled Jen. ``You're joking, right? Urine's sterile, you know? Puking on me's pretty bad, but you can't just assume I'll do anything. This has to be illegal. It's cruel and unsanitary punishment. Oh my god please don't.'' But she was already sniffing the pig's foul, swampy butt. He blew a massive beer and pizza fart in her face, causing her to vomit again. That only made room in her stomach for what was to come. Before her very eyes, his piggy pucker, the dreadful orifice beneath that squiggly curly tail, opened wide and a huge log of horrendous pig shit crowned, drooped, then plopped into the puddle of puke. Jen shuddered. Another serpent of filth slid over her head, smearing itself through the greasy vomit coating.\n\n``Somebody get this bitch a plate!'' someone laughed.\n\nThe pig filled the plate with a mountain of intolerable fecal matter. Animals were holding their noses and puking from the stench. Jen couldn't hold her nose with hooves though, she could only inhale the ghoulish odor of her client's bowel movement. Her eyes watered. ``Do I really have to do this?''\n\n``Eat it, slut!'' jeered Hamish.\n\n``You really are a pig,'' she said. She took a big bite. It tasted so bad she almost gave up, but she had to be brave and give 110% to her job. ``Come on, Jen, be a team player,'' she groaned as she choked down the foul, clay like mass. No words could even come close to describing how mind shatteringly putrid the taste was. Nothing she could ever do would be as bad as this. Jen kept crying, but she didn't give up until she'd eaten the entire pile. She'd done it! Now could her shift be over?\n\nAlas, it couldn't, since there were over a dozen other furs waiting. With no working bathroom, she was the only substitute. She rolled over on her back and let the rabbit squat. Rotten, creamy shit squorched out of his sphincter, filling her mouth. She choked it down, but then the bear pressed his buttocks right to her lips. His enormous turd slithered right down her throat like the cock of that infamous man from Nantucket. She slurped and smacked, licking his fetid asshole, then opening wide for the next male.\n\nBut the poor donkey's struggles were in vain, for with seventeen guys all with the beer shits and only one toilet, it was inevitable that they'd try to use her two or three at a time. The rat squirted something that was thick and sloppy, but not exactly solid onto her chest and belly while one of the dogs present fed her. Another load of greasy scat coated one of her hind legs, slithering down to her crotch. The buck bent over and ass-aulted her with a hailstorm of overly soft deer pellets.\n\nShe ate, and ate, until she burst. She retched, with thick, clogging feces oozing back out her mouth. Huge pressures battered her buttplug, but still it held firm. ``I'm as clogged as the toilet now,'' she gurgled. ``You'd better stop using me. What did I just say?''\n\nJen heaved up a massive amount of puke, making more room in her stomach. The ram demanded that she wipe his wooly ass with her tongue. Wow, she thought, it really was impossible to get wool clean. Her boss was right to subject her to this horrible pigsty instead of her ovine coworkers. Even so, she'd never feel clean again. The ram had diarrhea, and it was oppressively rancid. SPLURRRTT. FFFORRRT, SPLLRGGLUBBLLRUBLUUBLURRRBBTT. With the most inconcievably ketchup bottley of sounds, he sharted greasy, lactose intolerant hershey squirts right into her mouth.\n\nFor hours the orgy of toilet horrors continued. Jen was tied up, blindfolded, gagged with dirty skidmarked briefs, and spanked with a riding crop. She moaned and writhed in the filth, letting the disgusting pigs smear her entire body with excrement. Hamish roughly jammed his fingers into her, making her bray with pained arousal. Her stomach was so taut and bloated now.\n\nThe keg wasn't empty yet, so Hamish and Hamilton decided to butt chug some beer. After filling his ass with the foaming liquid, Hamish sat down on her face, wedging Jen between his dirty cheeks, and unleashed hell. Frothing, foaming, splattering liquid shit defiled the slutty donkey. Her maw filled with the abysmal combination of the flavors of cheap beer and pig manure. She choked down gulp after gulp, but he kept spewing thicker and thicker muck until Jen was choking on wet, slimy butt boogers. Hamilton was just as depraved as his brother, and firehosed the repugnant contents of his bowels all over the dripping donkey.\n\n``GGGLLACKK!'' she choked. She turned her head to the side and vomited some more. She had to make room while she could. Another big, furry ass smothered her, and whoever it was fingered her while having nonstop, putrid diarrhea in her face, swamping her with degrading spouts of liquid shit. She was so overstimulated that the lightest touch to her clit made her jerk and twitch, shaking and spluttering muddy turd soup. Mushy, creamy shit plopped down on her tongue. She retched on that ludicrously unwholesome flavor. His stomach was really upset now. But she needed to get off. He had to finish her. YES!\n\nSoft, mushy turds filled her maw to the brim at the moment of her climax. The disgusting fur on top of her grunted as his bowels violently emptied down her throat. She shuddered, gurgled, and subsided into the lake of shit around her.\n\n``Wow, we really ruined that donkey,'' Hamish said. ``I can't believe she came from that.''\n\n``What a whore. Totally shameless,'' agreed Hamilton. ``I gotta pee again. Let's give her a shower.''\n\n``Uh oh,'' someone said. ``I think my ride's here.''\n\nOne by one, the party guests dwindled. One fur after another cleaned himself up with the hose and went home. Hamish and Hamilton were completely trashed.\n\n``Man! URRRRP! What a party!'' Hamish patted his stomach. ``Ain't that right, little bro?''\n\n``Yeah! It's about time we finally got you to act like a REAL pig, right? And got you laid too!'' Hamilton slapped Hameron hard on the back which made him stumble forward. He stared at his brother with a goofy grin that turned to a perplexed grimace. The pig squinted through his beer goggles. ``Hey, wait a minute... you don't look like you've been partyin'. Have you been standing there like a fucking loser nerd this whole time?''\n\nHameron flinched. It was plain to see, even for the very drunk donkey. He was still in his clothes, and spotless other than the handprint his brother had just left on his pristine shirt.\n\n``What? No! I had a turn with her a while ago, before you and your friends made all this mess! You must have been getting more food or watching football or something, but I - I totally had sexual intercourse with her, and I ejaculated inside her vagina! I'm a real pig now!'' the pig stammered. He looked pleadingly at Jen, but the donkey was too wasted to take the hint.\n\n``No you didn't,'' she answered, unwittingly dooming the pig. ``You've just been standing around awkwardly and  - hic - panicking about how your house is all messy.'' She realized her mistake when she saw the horrified look on Hameron's face. She felt kind of sorry for him. \n\n``Have you even ate or drank anything?'' asked Hamish.\n\nHameron cringed in disgust. ``For some strange reason I haven't had much of an appetite. But I have been drinking! I'm just pacing myself since it's my first time. In fact, I feel ready for bed right now, ha ha, look how drunk I am! I'm going to go throw up and then pass out on the bathroom carpet because that's what binge drinkers like me do!''\n\n``Hold on, it's only 9:30!'' Hamish stumbled in front of the door and blocked it. ``And what kind of loser paces himself on his 21st birthday!''\n\n``A responsible adult - I mean, certainly not me!'' Hameron stammered. ``That was a joke, I've been shotgunning beers all night long!''\n\n``How'd you shotgun `em? We got a keg!'' said Hamilton. Hameron gulped. He bent down and sniffed him, which his brother recoiled at. ``But the party's not over yet, and you haven't been enjoying your present!''\n\nJen really felt bad now. ``Wait!'' she said. ``It's a birthday party isn't it? What about the cake? That's what you're missing, the cake! Everybody loves cake, right?''\n\n``Oh yeah, the cake!'' Hamish remembered. ``Yeah, we should've done the cake before everybody left. Fuckit, it's time for cake! I'll be right back!'' He went in the house.\n\n``Remember to wash your hands before handling food!'' Hameron called after him. ``Oh dear god, does this mean he's lighting candles? If he sets the house on fire, my insurance premiums -'' \n\nIt's not me, it's the character! Stop booing! Fuck you guys! I'm the narrator, not you! Me! I have the power! I'm taking a break, if you don't like my narration, the exit's that way!\n\nIf you want to hear the conclusion of this stunningly sordid and erotic, very sexy and not at all boring fairy tale of the Three Little Pigs, one dirty donkey, and the financial system of the magical kingdom, stick around for Part 2.\n\n[i]To Be Continued[/i]"
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Indeed, poor Jen was almost unrecognizable now: every inch of the miniature donkey's fur was hopelessly caked and slathered with messy party foods, beer, and worse, just about every unsanitary bodily fluid you could think of: she'd been cummed on, puked in, pissed on, and shat on in an obscene debacle of drunken debauchery that dragged on for hours. Her hooves were hobbled, her belly was bloated to such a horrifying size by the amounts of those nauseating substances she'd been force fed that it was almost dragging on the ground, and a second tail sprouted from underneath the real one courtesy of a game of Pin The Tail On the Donkey: they'd left the enormous buttplug with a glittery pink unicorn tail stuffed inside her, which was not only extremely uncomfortable but had looked totally ridiculous. Right now the sparkly hair was so bedraggled with filth that it was all brown, just like the rest of Jen. Both tails drooped forlornly.\n\nMost of the guests had left now, and Hamish and Hamilton went inside to bring out Hameron's birthday cake. He had no appetite after the things he'd seen, heard, and smelled that night. Now he was briefly alone with Jen. The donkey lay on her back, her gut bloated like a balloon with all the filth she'd swallowed, blowing feeble shit bubbles in the gloppy waste in her mouth. She struggled to her feet. ``What a night,'' she groaned. ``This is the worst thing that's ever happened to me! Oh my god I can't believe I ate literal shit!''\n\n``I can't believe it either,'' said the pig. ``I'm sorry about my brothers. They get a little out of control when they drink.''\n\n``Don't worry about it. Guess this is what happens when I drink on the job.'' She retched and heaved up a geyser of poop onto her hooves. ``Look what they've done to me.'' Jenny moaned. ``Are you happy now, birthday boy?''\n\n``Of course I'm not happy! This is the worst birthday ever, and my brothers have ruined some of my other birthdays really badly too! They never think of what I want. It's like they just plan a party for themselves. I'm such a push over. I wish I could kick them out, but after the whole Big Bad Wolf incident I can't.'' He clenched a piggy fist. ``But this is the last straw. Tomorrow morning I'm dragging them out of bed, hangover or not, and making them clean up this fucking mess, and if they don't have their own place in six months I'm really going to start charging rent this time!''\n\n``You really are a - hurk! Pushover!'' Jen said. ``And you better not be planning to leave me like this all night.''\n\n``What? Of course not, I wouldn't dream of it!'' he said. ``I'll clean you up first, don't worry.''\n\n``Not what I... meant!'' she groaned, but before Hameron could ask her to elaborate, his brothers stumbled back out the door, cheering: ``Cake! Cake! Cake! Cake!''\n\nIt wasn't the worst birthday cake Hameron had ever seen, but then again it was obviously store bought. It was tall, wide, round, and extremely pink. The words ``Happy Birthday Harry'' were written on it in icing. Five candles stuck out at haphazard angles, dripping wax all over the icing. Hameron sighed and braced himself for disappointment. Hamish put the cake on the table where he sat. The younger pig ground his teeth as his brothers blundered blusterously through a hideous rendition of `Happy Birthday' that defied all notions of key and tempo. If they didn't keep starting over one of the candles was going to collapse. After a while he gave up and blew them all out. Hamish and Hamilton stopped singing and cheered. ``Happy birthday man! We love... we love ya, you know that?'' the eldest pig slurred.\n\n``Uhh... thanks, guys. I guess this isn't that bad. Is it pink lemonade cake with strawberry icing? I'm impressed you remembered I like it!'' he said. Maybe he'd eat one piece to be polite and hide the rest somewhere until he finished cleaning up the donkey. She probably deserved a piece after everything she'd been through, but there was no way she had any appetite right now. He plucked the candles out one by one and set them on the table. ``I haven't had that much beer, so I'll cut it even though I'm the birthday boy. Did anybody get a cake knife?'' he said.\n\nThen SPLATTT! Hamish grabbed the back of Hameron's head and smashed his face into the cake. Icing and mushy cake went everywhere. The older pigs burst out laughing. Hameron lifted his face from the cake. ``Why am I not surprised? You guys were always such... such jokers... Oh my God I hate this family!'' he tasted a little of the cake. ``What is this? It tastes like cold medicine.''\n\n``We got you your favorite bro! Carrot cake with cherry icing!''\n\n``And we made sure it has raisins! Your favorite!''\n\nThat was the last straw. Hameron seethed with anger. ``Carrot cake is my least favorite flavor! I hate it!'' he cried. ``I like raisins in cookies, not in cake, I hate cherry icing, and... who the fuck would put cherry icing on a carrot cake? That's the worst combination of flavors imaginable!'' He jumped to his feet. ``I knew it. You assholes are the worst brothers in the world! You don't care about me and what I want at all, and you don't even know me! You only got this cake because you forgot to get one and it was the last one on the shelf because nobody sane would buy this awful thing! But the joke's on you, because now you've finally made it so there's one good thing about this party! You didn't ruin a cake I actually liked with that stupid juvenile prank!'' Hameron quivered with anger. His eyes filled with tears. ``I hate you both so much! I... I wish I'd never taken you in after that wolf blew down your houses, that I warned you were too flimsy! Fuck you!''\n\nWith a righteous squeal, he flipped the table over, sending what was left of the cake crashing down on Jen's head. ``Oh shit! Sorry!''\n\nThe donkey blinked sympathetically. Globs of gooey cake slid down her head. ``Don't worry. It didn't make me any messier. Plus I'd react like that too if my family got me a carrot cake with cherry icing. Who even likes that flavor combo?''\n\n``It was on sale!'' said Hamilton. ``It was gonna expire because nobody bought it! But fine, if you don't appreciate all the effort we put into finding you a monogrammed cake!''\n\n``It had a whole name, not a monogram, and more importantly my name's not Harry!'' squealed Harry. I mean Hameron.\n\n``Whatever. Fine, if you don't want it.'' Hamilton scooped up some caked and ate it. ``Wow. You weren't kidding. This is really bad.''\n\n``Let me try,'' said Hamish. ``Aww, fuck. You're right. We better feed it to someone who appreciates it.''\n\n``What are you looking at me for?'' said the donkey. ``I hate carrot cake! It tastes like... who am I kidding, I just learned shit tastes way worse then carrot cake. Fine, I'll do my part to prevent food waste!''\n\nA few minutes later, most of the cake had been shoved into the donkey's mouth by Hamish and Hamilton. After being scooped off the ground or her face, it had some new frosting that definitely wasn't chocolate. Hameron almost puked just watching. But he forced himself to be strong just a little longer. ``G-great party guys!'' he said with a forced smile. ``Well, we've had cake, we've had presents, we've had games... everybody's left, so it's time for bed! Don't worry, you two can clean up every last bit of this mess in the morning while I visit the courthouse to file for an eviction!''\n\n``Huh? No, wait. Hang on, little bro, there's just one more thing.''\n\n``What's that? We've done everything AARRGH!'' Hameron squealed in surprise as his brothers grabbed his shoulders and shoved him hard, making him fall right on Jen! They tumbled to the ground in a filthy, embarrassed heap. There was shit, puke, and birthday cake everywhere! His clothes were ruined! ``Yuck! What the fuck, guys?''\n\n``I told you... We're making sure you enjoy yourself like a REAL pig tonight!'' Hamish grunted and belched loudly.\n\n``Yeah! You already insulted the cake I worked really hard on! You at least have to enjoy your present!''\n\n``You can't give a person as a present! Or an animal either!'' protested Hameron. He stared at the defiled donkey, inhaled, and gagged on the stench. ``My God, you're disgusting. Not you, personally, I mean. You are, at the moment, but it's their fault! I'm not saying I wouldn't be attracted to you if we met under better circumstances!''\n\nTo his surprise, Jen rolled her eyes. ``Dude, I appreciate that you're trying to be respectful, but I'm a professional. And a professional... always... oh fuck why did it have to be cherry - BLEEURRGGGLGLGHH!'' She vomited all over Hameron's chest, drenching his shirt in awful, slimy puke. ``Gets the job done,'' she finished weakly. ``Fuck this is such bad cake. Why would you make icing taste like cough syrup?''\n\n``You've been getting the job done all night! You're not contractually obligated to fuck every single guest, are you? Even if you are, your boss doesn't have to know!''\n\n``I don't care about my boss!'' Jen panted. She retched up some more of the horrible birthday cake. ``Fucking raisins. Listen... look at me! Look at what they've done to me! This is the worst night of my entire career! The only thing I have left is - is professional pride!'' the befouled burro blubbered.\n\n``I don't think you even have that,'' said Hameron. ``Weren't you drinking on the job?''\n\n``I have one tiny scrap left,'' she said with a sniffle. Her eyes suddenly narrowed. ``I have a rule. I don't let anyone leave one of my parties a virgin.''\n\n``Oh, fuck my life,'' Hameron groaned. He was drunk too. He'd had six cups of beer. Not to indulge himself, but to try to numb him to the horror going on around him and stave off the brewing panic attack. It wasn't helping, but it was clouding his judgement. ``Fine, if your last shred of dignity's on the line... the one thing that's gone right for me tonight is not seeing a good cake ruined, but you had to eat that atrocity.'' As well as gallons of cum, vomit, nachos, beer, piss, and shit, he thought. ``It's only fair if one thing goes right for you, I guess. But can't we do it after taking a shower?''\n\n``Not so fast,'' said Hamish. ``You've already pussied out all night! How do we know you won't do it again?'' He reached into the crate with all the toys that the petting zoo had sent with Jen, tossing aside one tail buttplug after another. ``Here!'' He lifted out a monolithic strapon, then some cuffs, more rope, and a ball gag that looked like an apple and would fit just right in a pig's mouth. ``It's our duty as your brothers to make sure you lose your virginity tonight, one way or another!''\n\nHameron was a pink pig, but the sight of those diabolical devices made him turn white as a sheet.\n\nHamilton added: ``You also might not wanna go in the bathroom. There's kind of a waffle stomp situation the guy who clogged the toilets didn't tell us about. It's pretty bad.''\n\n``I swear when this party's over, I'm busting that wolf out of jail,'' Hameron muttered. He despairingly took off his shirt, then pulled down his pants, then his underwear, exposing his piggy pecker. ``So how do we do this? On your back, or doggy - I mean donkey style?''\n\nHamish and Hameron had more beer. They chugged some, and poured some on Hameron. Then, laughing like fratboys, they shoved him onto his back and lifted Jen on top of him. To his surprise and shame, with the bloated, filthy donkey sitting on his crotch with an embarrassed expression, wriggling and shifting her weight around, he soon got hard. She lifted up a bit, then sat back down, and his dick slipped into a warm, gooey cavern.\n\nThis was not how he'd imagined his first time going. Not the position, he was pretty sure he was a bottom, but he'd tried to avoid it because the other problem: how gross Jen was. Slimy vomit and fecal matter were dripping off her filthy body onto him. Her bloated gut rumbled and sloshed up and down as she mounted him. Her front hooves slid on his chest in the mess. ``Whoa!'' she collapsed forward onto him. Her snout bumped right into his. Their lips touched.\n\n``Eww!'' Hameron squealed. ``Your mouth's nasty!''\n\n``Sorry!'' Jen sat back up and kept humping him. ``Do you want the strapon after all? I bet I can make you squeal, piggy!''\n\nHameron's cheeks flushed exactly like his toilets didn't. ``Please don't say things like that in front of my brothers!'' he whined.\n\n``Sorry. I... can't help it. You're kind of cute, in a pathetic loser way. You're so soft, and... pink... like cherry icing...'' Her eyes went wide. Her cheeks bulged out.\n\n``Oh, no...'' Hameron groaned. He shut his eyes and braced himself. A torrent of hot, lumpy vomit crashed down over his face. He heard Jen frantically apologizing, and his brothers laughing. Then she threw up again.\n\n``Stop!'' he gasped. ``Fuck! Maybe I should be on top!''\n\nBut to his dismay, Hameron found that the repetitive motion of thrusting really jostled his stomach, and he was too much of a lightweight for six beers. His stomach lasted only as long as his loins. He began to drool, dripping mucus and the donkey's own puke down on her. His groin tensed, he gagged, and began to spurt his load into her, to join dozens of others. He was putting his body where all his brothers and their unshowered friends had been. No! He had to ignore that, or he'd HHH-GLUULLLLLGGLLGLAARRRKKK! Too late. All over her.\n\n``That's nasty,'' said Jen. ``I've been puked on enough, you can be on the receiving end for once.''\n\nHameron opened his mouth to apologize, but instead he heaved up another wave of vomit right into the complaining donkey's open mouth.\n\n``Yuck!'' she gurgled. ``Mmm. You know what, this is actually better than that cake.'' Hameron staggered off her, but pig orgasms lasted a long time. Thick ropes of cum spurted out, spattering Jen in swine spooge. She tried to fend off the sticky projectiles with her hooves, but just ended up festooned with grimy ropes of testicular goo. ``Eww,'' she said as another jet of semen splashed her snout. ``Seriously, dude, how pent up were you?''\n\n``Sorry. I didn't think there's be this much!'' Hameron could only watch in mortified horror as his load thoroughly glazed the donkey. When the last spurt dribbled from his cock, he said: ``Well, t-th-think on the bright side. It's better to have that happen before showering, right? I still wish we'd showered beforehand, though. This is really disgusting, and we could always shower again later.'' He gagged again, dribbling puke onto her crotch. ``Oh, God... are you guys happy now? I lost my virginity. It's gone, ruined, and I have to live with my first time being this disaster instead of a romantic date! I'm naked and covered in filth like a real pig, right? Can I go to bed now?''\n\nHe saw that Hamilton was sprawled on a lawn chair, snoring loudly. Hamish scratched his rear end and belched. ``Huh? Yeah, everyone leaving kinda killed the vibe. Man, great party though, right? And you're welcome! Good night, little bro!''\n\n``Yeah. Night, Hamish.'' Hameron ducked into the house, leading the hobbled, dripping donkey. ``I hope they have the worst hangovers of their lives,'' he muttered. He undid the soaked, sticky knots hobbling her with some difficulty. ``Come on, let's go clean up.'' He opened the bathroom and was hit with a putrid wall of stench that brought tears to his eyes. There was a brown puddle all over the floor from the stained, brimming toilet. The bath mat was saturated. And as for the shower... he waded into the filthy puddle and drew back the shower curtain dramatically. ``Oh, no!'' he wailed. ``They were right. What a disaster! It'll take all night to clean this up, and we'll never get clean!'' he stumbled dejectedly back out. ``I'm sorry, Jen. I think whoever comes to pick you up tomorrow morning's going to get a nasty surprise. Hey, do they have showers at your petting zoo? Do you think they'd let a customer use them?'' Then he remembered something. ``Wait a minute! I have an En Suite! We're saved! I'm so glad I designed this house to withstand both wolves and inconsiderate brothers! My room and my bathroom are both off limits to guests! And I've got the key right in my...'' he felt for his pants pocket, then remembered he was no longer wearing them. ``Shit!''\n\n``What?''\n\n``I'm not wearing any pants! I don't have the key to my room!'' he squealed.\n\n``I guess we're stuck with this bathroom,'' said Jen. ``Let me see. Maybe it's not that bad.'' She peeked inside. ``Oh my God!'' she immediately gagged on the wall of stench wafting out of it. ``Wait don't shut the door I'm gonna puke!''\n\n``No! You really don't wanna go in there!'' Hameron warned her, but she pushed past him, stumbling into the bathroom and wading into the puddle of shit water.\n\n``It's the toilet or the floor!'' She stared at the toilet in horror. ``Never mind!'' she groaned. Her cheeks bulged out. The donkey tried to let loose in the tub instead, but didn't quite make it in time. A torrent of puke splattered all over the floor and the rim of the tub before she got her face over it and spewed. ``Uuurrrgghlggg...'' She spat in the tub and turned around. She'd recovered a little, but now Hameron felt like puking again.  She looked at the violated commode. ``Wow, they really did a number on that toilet,'' she said. ``You can't even plunge that without overflowing it even more.''\n\nHameron was busy having post traumatic flashbacks. ``It's horrible!'' he said with knocking knees. ``This reminds me of when I used to get swirlies in high school!''\n\n``They gave you swirlies in toilets like this?'' Jen asked with sympathy and shock. ``That's nasty! The worst I ever got was a yellow one!''\n\nHameron nodded tearfully. Then, to his horror, the donkey stepped up to the toilet.\n\n``I think this is the kinda thing where it's better to give than to receive,'' she said with a shudder. The toilet was overflowing with feces and used toilet paper. ``Think this'd help you get over your repressed trauma?''\n\n``I can't do that to you! That's disgusting!''\n\n``It's pretty rancid, but the guy who clogged it force fed me his shit anyway, so it can't get any worse for me... ha! Look at you, you're rock hard again!'' She hiccupped, and backed her rump unsteadily against him.\n\n``I don't know about this...'' said Hameron. But he'd never been on the other end of a swirlie before. Maybe it was fun. The beers still infiltrating his system made the decision for him.\n\nOne minute later, Jen was up to her eyeballs in the filthy toilet water while he plowed her from behind. He was holding her head down. She gulped down the putrid sewage like she'd walked twenty miles through the desert and this was her only source of drinking water. Once she'd lowered the level enough, he reached over her head, shoved her snout right down into the exit hole, and flushed. Murky shit water swirled and foamed around the struggling donkey. The toilet flooded and overflowed again.\n\n``Wow,'' slurred Hameron, ``You were right: it really does make me feel better!''\n\nAnother minute later, the donkey was apologizing profusely while Hameron mopped up the latest spill with sopping hand towels. He threw them in the ruined tub. She volunteered to lower the water level again so Hameron could plunge the toilet, but even with her chugging another gallon of nauseating poop water, there was no salvaging it. The bathtub drain seemed to respond, but the tub itself was still completely disgusting and so was the rest of the bathroom. Showering in there would be pointless because they'd have to wade through filth to escape.\n\n``Fuck my life,'' said the dejected pig. ``I'm going to have to call a plumber. Oh man the plumbers are gonna stereotype me and think I live like this because I'm a pig! This is so embarrassing!'' he fretted. ``Shit. I think I need another beer to cope!''\n\nHameron and Jen trudged out out of the bathroom, back outside. They left a trail of dirty hoofprints and slimy brown drips behind them. Outside, Hameron poured himself another mug. He'd just finished chugging it when he spotted some forlorn fabric lying on his patio. ``My pants!'' he squealed. He rifled through the pockets, and pulled out none other than: ``My keys were in my pants pocket this whole time? Are you kidding me?'' he ground his teeth in rage. ``Gaaaah! Maybe this was too many beers!'' He looked at his brothers, who were now both passed out and snoring. ``On the other hoof, won?t they be pretty mad if they wake up and the keg's empty? There's not much left!''\n\n``I'll help finish it off!'' said Jen. ``I know I drank a lot of toilet water, but I think there's room.'' A loud pattering sound distracted her. Hamish had started peeing in his sleep. A pale stream spattered the patio, spreading into a relatively clean puddle. Jen waddled over, wrapped her lips around his sausage, and started gulping it down. Hameron gagged.\n\n``You don't have to do that anymore. It's not your problem if they piss themselves!'' he said. He really had to pee too. Really, really badly. He had a sudden mental image of the donkey staring up at him while she sucked it all down right from his shaft. He felt all flustered. No! He had the key to the bathroom, he'd use the toilet like a civilized pig. Even if she liked it. Did she really enjoy this? Maybe if she asked nicely... fuck, he needed another beer to calm his nerves.\n\nTen minutes later, the pig and donkey staggered into the house again. Hameron had felt too queasy after two more beers, but Jen had drained another mug even after drinking Hamish's entire bladder, and Hameron poured the remaining dregs of booze out to spite his brothers. ``Thank god that's over!'' Hameron slurred. ``Now, we can take a shower in a nice, clean bathroom.''\n\nJen's stomach rumbled. ``Uhh, about that,'' she said. She grimaced in discomfort and clamped her tail down. ``There's something you need to take care of first if you want it to stay clean.''\n\n``Putting down plastic sheets on the floor so we don't track this everywhere? I'd love to, but I'm a mess too. Look at me! We'll have to just walk carefully and try not to drip too much.''\n\n``Not that, you doofus pig!'' Jen turned around and showed him her ass. The plug was bulging out now, but still held firm. ``I haven't had a bathroom break this entire shift! And after everything they made me eat and drink, believe me, when this comes out it's gonna be bad! Clear a five yard radius behind me bad! And I know you two legged types never have toilets for four legged people in your houses, and I've had way too much of that beer to aim. Clogging it's the least of your worries! Unless you'd rather have me use the shower, but do you know how hard it is to wafflestomp a blocked shower drain with hooves?''\n\n``No,'' Hameron said with an appalled gulp.\n\n``Me neither, but unless you wanna find out, your bathroom's not the place to pull this plug, and if you wait much longer it's gonna come out on its own, like a cannonball!''\n\n``Oh, God, I hadn't thought of that! Do you want to use the other bathroom? You can't make it any worse!''\n\n``I have a better idea,'' she said. Hameron didn't like the look on her face. The donkey grabbed his tail in her jaws and tugged.\n\n``Ooowwchh! Stop that! I don't have anything shoved up my backside! You're biting the real thing!''\n\n``Then come on.'' She led him into the disaster area of a living room. The furniture was such a mess. Beer, sauces, crumbs, and vomit were spilled all over the couch, as well as Hameron's recliner and ottoman. There was even a slice of pizza stuck to a couch cushion. Hameron started to hyperventilate again, mumbling about how everything was ruined and he was going to murder his brothers. Jen pushed him backward onto the sticky, puke soaked recliner and started to clamber on top of him.\n\n``Wait! What are you doing?'' he squealed.\n\n``You're gonna pull this plug out, and you're gonna be under me while you do it!'' she said with a lecherous smirk. ``Hic! What's wrong, little pig? I saw that boner you got when I was talking about destroying your bathroom! I think you've got more in common with your brothers than you're willing to admit.'' Hameron gulped. His throbbing erection brushed against her bloated, rumbling belly. ``You're such a doormat you just let them put me through all this shit on your behalf... well now you're gonna see how it feels!'' Her hot, fetid breath washed over his face, reeking of stale beer and sewage.\n\n``I... not here!'' he said.\n\n``Then where? The downstairs bathroom, or your nice clean one? You better choose before I dent the drywall with this plug!''\n\n``It's not drywall, it's plaster over brick! Completely structurally sound!'' he argued. Lying down in that filthy tub was inconceivable, but she really would destroy his bathroom if she let loose with the contents of her horrifically bloated gut.\n\n``Your chair's a writeoff anyway,'' Jen said. She was completely filthy, dripping disgusting liquids on him. She slid her hoof down his chest to his belly, and his aching, aching bladder. ``Ooof!'' he grunted. ``Wait! I just remembered, I haven't used the bathroom all night! I really need to pee!''\n\n``Don't worry,'' Jen said. ``You'll be fine. You can't pee with a boner.'' She turned around and straddled him. Her hindquarters trembled. She sniffed his dick, and gagged. ``If you're worried we could do this in your shower if you really want, though. I'm gonna turn it into a pigsty, so you won't have to worry about pretending you don't pee in it. Everyone does it even if they won't admit it.''\n\n``I do not pee in the shower! That's unsanitary!'' Hameron said. Jen didn't reply, instead sliding her drooling lips over his pork sausage. Her rump loomed disastrously over him. Her real tail swished excitedly. The limp hairy one on the colossal buttplug brushed over Hameron's face. The toy was holding firm, but only just. It bulged and tremored. The donkey's derriere was stretched wide as her sphincter threatened to give way. Her stomach clenched.\n\n``HHHNNNNNNGG!!! HEE HAW, HEE HAW!'' she brayed. Drool rained from her mouth. ``I can't take it anymore! Pull it out!''\n\n``I - I don't know about this!'' Hameron said with a fearful gulp. SSPPLQQRQQRPPPLLPPTT... Something brown and frothy started to leak past the plug. It dribbled down Jen's legs and dripped on Hameron's face. ``Yuck!''\n\n``Hurry up! My stomach's really fed up with this now!'' she brayed. Hameron reluctantly took hold of the fake tail, twining the slippery, filth soaked hair around his trotters. He tugged gently, then harder. Jen brayed a bellow of pain. The ass's hole stretched to an unbelievable size. She sobbed and pawed at the towels. ``Aaargh! It hurts!  It's a good thing all the king's horses loosened me up yesterday!''\n\nThen, with an almighty SCHLORRPP!  The titanic toy came free. Along with it came a lot of gooey brown paste that splatted down on Hameron. ``Yeuchh!!'' he cried, ``This is horrible! Oh shit, this was a bad idea! Maybe if you do it in my lap?''\n\nBut there was no saving him now. With the behemoth blockage in the burro's bunghole finally removed, there was no hope of her resisting her cramping intestines. With a grunt of discomfort, she squatted and began to empty her bowels all over the doomed pig below, ignoring his squeals of distress. She expelled another glob of filth that the plug had long since squished into oblivion, then a girthsome freight train of heavy balls of manure thundered from her ruined rectum, rolling off Hameron's head and mounding up around him in sticky, clumping masses. Clatterous, cheek rippling outbursts of swampy gas sent lumps of waste blasting against the wall of the arms of the easy chair. Poorly digested hay blown skyward by the equine's unbearable eruptions floated down on them. Hameron held his breath and tried not to suffocate on Jen's muggy farts, but her ass was relentless.\n\n``Help!'' he wailed. But there was no one around to hear him. He doubted his brothers would save him even if they woke up from their stupor. ``It's horrible! What have you been eating?''\n\n``Do you really want a list?'' Jen grunted. Another avalanche of excrement spilled from under her tail. Her stomach gurgled wetly. Her shit was getting soft and clotting together in sticky masses that began to pile up on Hameron's face. ``Ooohhhf... I wasn't exactly in charge of my diet tonight either, so blame your brothers for this, not me!'' Coils of putrid fudge slid down his snout and cheeks. ``Fuck... I can't stop. Sorry, little pig, I think you'll have to eat up like I did if you don't want to get buried.''\n\nBBGGLURRRGGGGHHTT. A sodden fart speckled Hameron's face with more donkey dung. Her hole opened to baseball size and several big wet, slimy turds tumbled out. Then, to the poor pig's dismay, the bloated burro's behind suddenly erupted with a cacophonous cavalcade of soft, clumpy waste that reeked of cheap beer and bad party food. Outlandish amounts of hot, creamy muck expelled from her cramping gut in dreadful, splortchy gouts of greasy, pulpsome slop that was fit only for pigs to eat. The tragedy was, of course, that poor Hameron was a pig, and though he would usually never have dared to ingest such repellant substances as fresh donkey shit, he didn't have a choice before long because she'd literally buried his entire face, snout and all, in the growing dung heap. He struggled, flailed, and held his breath as long as he could, but there was no hope for him. He had to breathe. He let her shit avalanche into his mouth, wincing and gagging as he chewed the hideous, squelchsome crap.\n\nJen was multitasking: at one end, she was lovingly sucking the pig's pecker. At the other end, she was still disgorging the most abominable bowel movement of her entire life, heedless of her lover being smothered.\n\n``Ullgghhh... this is horrible!'' Hameron sobbed as he choked down another mouthful of wet, pulpy donkey shit. His stomach was filling with the reviled waste. BLUTTSCHPP! Something abominably runny splashed his forehead. ``Stop!''\n\nJen lifted her head up, dripping pre.\n\n``That's not what I meant! I don't care if you keep sucking, but UUGLGLOOOMMFFF!'' An unstoppable barrage of filth battered him down into the pillows. His face was covered in it. This was the most disgusting thing he'd ever experienced. It tasted so awful! His heart pounded with terrified, revolted arousal as the weight of dung burying his head increased. This was an undignified position for an educated professional pig to be in! He was reduced to a toilet, wallowing around in the muck, and forced to eat right from another animal's bottom. He forced himself to swallow another gulp of warm, slimy donkey dung, and wiped the grimy sludge away from his nose. Hameron snorted and spluttered. He could hear her moaning through a mouthful of pork sausage as she unloaded her mistreated bowels on him. Her dirty lips caressing his meat felt so good. What she was doing to him was vile and disgusting, but suddenly he could feel his anxiety melting away.\n\nShe was right. He refused to admit it to himself, and mostly he felt sorry for the poor donkey, guilty for her cruel fate, and fearful for his homeowner's insurance premiums, but it had aroused him watching this. He'd enjoyed giving her that swirlie. Maybe he was no better than his brothers, despite how hard he'd tried to rise above the family reputation. He was nothing more than a lowly, filthy, dirty pig. A pig who belonged in the mud and sludge. His stomach was getting so full.\n\nHe hadn't really tried to stop her, had he? He'd just argued about where to do it, but he'd accepted that he deserved to be under her, suffering the horrific consequences of her being fed all kinds of revolting substances all night. Under an incontinent petting zoo donkey. The arms of his recliner were holding her waste and letting it build up in a huge pile, turning it into just the disgusting pigsty Hameron belonged in.\n\nHameron was mindlessly stuffing himself with her poop now, greedily shoveling her waste into his mouth. He'd always had a stress eating problem, and the internal conflict between his cultured persona and his long repressed piggy nature was making him lose all control. Or maybe he really was enjoying it. Hameron's loins started to buck and spurt, spewing hot hog spunk into Jen's mouth.\n\n``Careful, little pig, you might stain your chair with this!'' she said, pulling back and letting his load splash all over her filthy face. Hameron just moaned and reared up from the dung heap, snorting and snuffling between her haunches in an instinctive drive to pleasure his partner. She put all her weight on him, plunging him back down into the warm, squishy embrace of the seat cushion and the behemothic mountain of shit piled on it. Her rump squelched deep into the pile, smothering Hameron. He could feel his cum still fountaining high into the air. Jen was playing with it, slurping and batting at his dick like a cat. His lips wrapped around her sputtering donut. Foul air hissed into his mouth, bulging his cheeks like a balloon. Then a salvo of wet, greasy shit blasted his palate with a gruesome SSPPWWRBB-PPRORRRTTCHHH! His mouth filled with gooey, clogging waste, too thick for him to swallow. With his last spurt, she gulped it down and lifted up with a squelch, dripping gooey muck from her legs.\n\n``Fuck,'' she gasped. She looked back at him, half buried in her shit. ``Wow. See? I told you I'd clog your toilet.''\n\n``You clogged me instead,'' moaned Hameron. His stomach was bursting with her waste. He felt quite nauseous, just from the sheer pressure.\n\n``Clogged?'' she said. She clamped her tail down over her butt. Her stomach gurgled noisily. It was still almost as bloated as before. ``Uh oh. This is a really bad time for that, because I can't hold this back.'' The last thing Hameron saw was a crackling brown mass forcing its way past her tail and plopping down on his face before she groaned, squatted, and her asshole opened, disgorging a muddy avalanche that buried him in seconds.\n\nThe next thing he saw after that was a filthy, shit-caked tongue, snout, and lips. ``Sorry,'' Jen said, and belched. ``I don't think beer and nachos were a good idea, my butt's really out of control tonight.''\n\n``Did you just... eat me free?'' Hameron said.\n\n``Yeah.'' Jen lifted her tail, and more dung plopped onto Hameron's crotch. ``Why? Did you want it all to yourself? Greedy pig.'' She prodded his stomach with a hoof, making him gag. ``Don't worry, it's gonna come back out one way or another, but if you want another helping already...'' she turned around and straddled him again.\n\n``Wait!'' cried Hameron. ``I'm stuffed! I can't eat another bite!'' but the donkey was already defecating. Her hole stretched almost as wide as the plug, and a megalithic log of knobbly, fibrous impacted shit slowly slid out of her. It broke under its own weight and crashed down on Hameron's face. With it out of the way, softer muck flowed out faster and faster, cascading down in mushy, sticky coils and steaming masses of crap.\n\nJen huffed and brayed as her bowels forcefully evacuated themselves. ``If you get buried again there's still room in my stomach, but I'm not responsible for whatever's behind me while I'm eating,'' she said. ``I don't know how long it's gonna be -'' GGGGLLLGLLGRRUUGGLLULLLLGGGLLLL. Her stomach interrupted loudly and rudely. The donkey shivered, and pulled her tail aside. Muggy gas spewed from her pucker, then that most impolite of orifices was abruptly barged open. A soft, gooey projectile splatted behind Hameron, then most appalling of all, a dark brown jet of pure diarrhea sprayed the back of the recliner like a super soaker filled with chocolate syrup. Liquid shit splattered everywhere, including raining down on Hameron. ``Solid!''\n\n``Stop! My living room!'' he squealed. Jen tried to clamp her tail down when the next wave of cramps hit her, but it just turned her butt from a hose into a sprinkler. Faced with further defiling of his living room, Hameron rashly pulled her down on top of him and tried to contain the fecal faucet with his snout. Nauseating swamp gas with a mist of filth sprayed into his mouth, making him gag, then the floodgates opened again. Hot, greasy, and unfathomably foully flavored donkey diarrhea flooded his mouth to the brim, overflowing everywhere as he slurped and gulped the putrid sludge stream down in vain. ``Fuckgllck! This is vile.'' Despite his words, he was rock hard from the product of her digestive distress pouring out all over him. She finally regained control of her bowels and stood up. ``Ptoo!'' Hameron spat out the last mouthful of liquid shit. The donkey turned around and started licking his face, but his stomach was too full and her breath was too foul. Much like the toilet overflowing during her swirlie, Hameron erupted in a thick geyser of sewery puke. The liquid had saturated the recliner and was now overflowing off it, all over the floor.\n\n``Sorry. I didn't mean to back you up this badly.'' The donkey looked sheepish at the disaster she'd caused. Just like the clogged toilet, Hameron had overflowed all over the floor. ``Maybe we should've done this in your shower after all.''\n\nA few minutes later, the pair stumbled into Hameron's bedroom, giggling and belching. Jen had her tail stuffed as far up her own ass as it would go to try to reduce the leakage, but both of them were still dripping heavily. Hameron threw some blankets and towels from the linen closet on the shower floor to make it softer, and lay down. The walk-in shower had its floor a step below the rest of the bathroom, so even if the drain clogged, it wouldn't flood everything else. Hameron's bladder was completely bursting now. He looked at the toilet long and longingly, but Jen tugged him into the shower and shut the door. She pushed him over onto the pillows like the pushover he was and straddled him. Her tail slipped out of her anus, soaked with liquid shit. It was holding back an enormous, disgracefully splortchy mudslide of soft, goopy manure. She buried his crotch in dung in seconds, leaving just the tip of his cock poking out, then sat down on it and mounted him in reverse cowgirl with a gruesome squelch. Then SPLUUUBBTTT! A shocking outburst of noxious, gassy, lumpy diarrhea spray painted Hameron from belly button to head, and sprayed the whole wall of the shower with shit.\n\n``Eww!'' Hameron gave her rump a smack. ``It's all over the bathroom already!''\n\nJen indignantly backed her booty up and hovered menacingly over Hameron's face. ``Oh I'm sorry, did you want me to try and keep the mess contained?'' Without waiting for an answer she sat down on the pig's face and sharted vigorously. Sadly, with so much liquid courage in him, he was no longer able to lie about how much he liked big butts, no matter how unsanitary they or their owners were. He obediently began to lick and slurp at her splattery donut, grunting and oinking like the dirty little pig he was. The donkey unloaded pound after pound of mush, sucking his cock at the same time. Then, after she pushed out another dozen grapefruit sized turds, the swelling in her bowels pressing on her urethra finally went down, and there was no stopping the flood. FFWWSSSSHHH! A sudden torrent of salty, barnyard smelling and tasting urine surged from her folds, completely inundating Hameron. Jen almost cried with relief.\n\n``Oh, thank heavens! I would've pissed myself hours ago, but it wouldn't come out!'' she moaned. Her tail curled up and her loins quivered as the cataract of recycled beer (lots of it recycled twice) threatened to drown the unfortunate pig below. But it was actually a refreshing palate cleanser after the vile substances she'd been feeding him directly from her ass. He slurped and gulped, tickling her lower lips as he chugged the warm geyser. She was still sucking. But with this sudden influx of liquid, Hameron's bladder couldn't take it anymore either. He tried to hold it in, but a surprise fountain leapt up into the donkey's mouth.\n\nShe brayed with surprise and laughed. ``See? I knew you peed in the shower!'' She started drinking. Pee gushed from them and into them in an endless circle. The blankets were soon saturated with livestock urine. The drain was clogged with a shitty towel. They kept drinking, and drinking, and drinking, but their inhumanely pent up bladders weren't even close to running dry.\n\nHameron had a devilish idea. He wiggled out from under Jen and showered her in piggy piss while she struggled to hold her own in. Then he mounted her, penetrated her anus, and released into her. It wasn't easy peeing at half mast, but there was still so much pressure inside him, gushing out, filling her up.\n\n``Aren't I bloated enough already?'' she complained.\n\nOf course, he paid for that, dearly. She pinned him down and let loose with a firehose of urine mixed with liquid shit. Hameron had to chug his own filthy piss enema until his stomach nearly burst. Lumps of slimy half dissolved waste battered him relentlessly amidst a geyser of muddy fluids. She let him up, only to soak the blankets with a heavy gush of diarrhea and lie down in her own filth, writhing and wallowing in it. Hameron's gut suddenly cramped. His asshole clenched and burned. The toilet was far away outside the shower. The drain was clogged. There was only one thing he could do.\n\n``Seriously, fuck you,'' Jen grumbled. ``The last thing my stomach needs is more pigshit. But I guess I'm contractually obligated to rim you no matter what.'' She let him squat over her and licked his taint until he unleashed a horrendous mudslide of piggy pudding. After choking about half of it down, she forced him down into the other half. ``That tasted horrible. You don't get to complain about anything I feed you after that,'' she said, and sat down on his face.\n\nSoon Hameron's mouth was too full to complain. Soft, gloppy manure was coming out of her ass like a faucet. She buried his cock, then his chest, then mercilessly unloaded a titanic bowel movement of grotesquely greasy sludge onto his face. Try as he might to keep up, the onslaught of heavy, cloying manure mixed with the most deplorably unhealthy outbursts of runny poop spewing out of her bottom was just too catastrophically copious. It mounded up around his head, slowly burying him. Luckily, her appetite for her shit was just as voracious as his.\n\nBut I'm sad to say this story doesn't have a happy ending. It has a crappy ending. For you see, though both the third little pig and the dirty donkey were talking animals, such filthy acts soon reduced them to mere beasts. Hameron's shower was no longer a place of cleanliness, it was now the revolting pigsty he was always destined to end up in, and Jen was no better than their client. They pissed, shit, and puked on and in each other. Giggling and belching, they rolled and wrestled in the muck. They slurped it from the ground. Jen sprayed the walls with explosive diarrhea and they both licked it off. Hameron scooped massive piles of the dirty donkey's manure into her mouth, stuffing her face with it. They could no longer speak, instead braying, oinking and squealing like the unhygienic barnyard animals they were. Their minds were long gone.\n\nAt least, that's the ending this story would have if it were written by one of those annoyingly depressing fairy tale authors. The truth is, they did all of those depraved, unhygienic things, but they didn't revert to beasts out of some universal justice for their perverted actions. They were just really drunk. So the debaucherous donkey and the perverse pig fell asleep after a while, cuddling in a quagmire of excrement, and they woke up still in that quagmire, but with really bad hangovers.\n\n``Oh my god,'' Hameron groaned. ``What happened last night?''\n\nJen sat up and shook herself, sending clumps of caked on manure everywhere. She stared at the aftermath of the devastating craptastrophe. ``We got shitfaced.'' Hameron smushed a handful of dung in her face as revenge for that pun. ``Fuck me. This is the last time I drink on the job.''\n\nBut after cleaning themselves up that morning, and then handing the even more hung over Hamish and Hamilton mops and buckets and making them clean up the aftermath of the party, Jen and Hameron had time to think about their night of drunken debauchery, and they both realized they really enjoyed it.\n\n``Fuck this shit, I'm calling in sick today,'' Jenny said after blasting Hameron's toilet with diarrhea for the fifth time that morning. ``And I've decided I really need to set better boundaries at work. I literally let the clients shit on me last night.''\n\n``And I let my brothers throw a huge party and trash my house, when they're not even paying rent!'' Hameron grumbled while he helped Jen wipe. ``Well, now I'm done being a pushover! I'm evicting those dumb jerks!''\n\n``Maybe I should try a 4 day work week. But if I go down to part time I can't stay at the petting zoo on my days off. I'll have to get my own place. Man, it's gonna be really hard finding anywhere in this city with cheap rent that's not a total pigsty. No offense.'' Jen grinned innocently.\n\n``Okay, I can take a hint. You can stay here once I kick my brothers out. But I'm not accepting sexual favors in place of rent, even if you are a professional. That's a complete violation of landlord ethics. I don't want a power imbalance like that in our relationship, not to mention the tax implications -''\n\nJen put a hoof on his chest. ``Who said anything about sexual favors? I don't mix business and pleasure.''\n\n``I'm not quite sure what that means.''\n\n``It means I'll move in with you under one condition. I'll pay enough rent to replace whatever both your brothers were paying. I'll sign a lease and everything.''\n\n``B-but I haven't been charging them any!'' Hameron stammered.\n\n``Replacing two freeloading roommates with one's a pretty good deal for you then, isn't it?'' the donkey said with a grin. ``But I wasn't finished. I'll cut my hours to... shit, if I've only gotta cover groceries I can do three nights a week. The other four? I'm not a professional petting zoo donkey when I'm off the clock, right?''\n\n``Right, that's what I'm say-''\n\n``I'm just a regular donkey. A regular, slutty, horny, dirty farm animal'' She scrunched up her face. SPPPBLLBLAARRRTTT. Hameron's handful of toilet paper was suddenly soaked in hot, gooey sludge. He stared at the dripping brown mess covering his hand. Jen leaned in and kissed him. ``Your slutty, dirty farm animal, that you can do whatever degrading, disgusting, filthy things you want to. You can hobble me, tie me up, put me in blinders, destroy me with unreasonably large buttplugs, make me live in a stall in your backyard that you never muck out, you name it. Anything goes, everything your brothers and all your friends did last night.''\n\n``That just sounds like the same deal,'' Hameron protested. ``There has to be something in it for you that's totally unrelated to the free room and board!''\n\nJen leaned in harder, pushing him over with a hoof. ``Don't worry, I was getting to that. Your end of the deal is, when you come home you're not a professional tax accountant either. You're going to spend those four nights a week acting like the depraved, shameless, filthy little pig I know you are. You're going to spank me, pull my mane and tail, ravage me, cum on me, piss on me, puke on me, and shit on me without mercy, and feed me disgusting, unhealthy slop until I explode from both ends!'' She grabbed Hameron's t-shirt, dragged him into the shower, and heaved the weakly protesting pig into the puddle of fresh waste she'd spewed all over it. It immediately started soaking through his shirt. ``But that also means you'll wallow in your pigsty and eat your slop without squealing too much, and you won't get squeamish about where you put that dirty pig snout no matter how messy I am. Deal?'' She clopped into the filthy shower and straddled him. Her hindquarters loomed over his face, still dripping with liquid shit. Hameron knew this was just the kind of horrors he was in store for if he said yes. But as Jen had just proven yet again, he was quite literally a pushover.\n\n``Can't we just have one night of relaxing and watching movies or other normal couple bonding, and three nights of unspeakable coprophilic debauchery?'' he pleaded.\n\n``Yeah, I guess so. But I'll be holding all this in for the next night,'' she promised. Then she lowered her nauseating, filth caked hips down onto him. Hameron snorted and snuffled, slurping and licking every inch of his true love's shitty ass, until another wave hit her and vile, runny manure, fit only for pigs or certain naughty donkeys, poured into his mouth like a faucet, filling him to the brim, and he started peeing up into her face.\n\nAfter that? The Third Little Pig and the Dirty Donkey both lived happily ever after. So did the one wolf at the party who decided drinking strangers' urine for money wasn't such a bad career after all. Even the Big Bad Wolf turned his life around after he got out of prison, and went into a new line of work demolishing condemned buildings. As for the First Little Pig and the Second Little Pig, they got kicked out and had to get real jobs. Hamish and Hamilton ended up working retail, which is a perfectly respectable line of work, don't get me wrong, but they soon learned that messy, inconsiderate, piggish behavior wasn't so funny when they were the ones who had to clean up after thoughtless customers.\n\nAnd Jen and Hameron? Well, eventually Jen quit her job, went back to school, and got a job as a civil servant enforcing worker rights laws. After a few years they got married due to the tax benefits of filing jointly, but on Friday nights they can often be found in the dirtiest, filthiest sex clubs in all the land. Jen still likes to be hobbled, stuffed with impractically large toys and impractically greasy bar food, and made to service dozens of unhygienic strangers until she's wallowing in semen, vomit, piss and shit, while Hameron is tied up and made to watch her be defiled, then thrown down in the mess with her for Jen to have her way with. As for Hameron's brick house, mostly they keep it clean, but they've converted one of the spare bedrooms into a pigsty.\n\n[i]The End[/i]"
    },
    ".description.json": {
      "description": "In this filthy fairy tale, a talking donkey who works at a mobile petting zoo for adults only gets hired to work a birthday party. Her clients are none other than the Three Little Pigs. The older two have hired her for their brother's surprise birthday party without his knowledge, and the third pig is none too happy about it. His brothers and the guests they invited turn the house into a pigsty, and the hapless donkey faces one of the dirtiest jobs of her career.\n\nThis story is a request for @DylanDice . It took a bit of brainstorming and negotiation to come up with an idea we were both happy with: the original request was for a story with the donkey from Shrek and Spider Ham. I wasn't comfortable doing scat smut of those characters but it got me thinking about fairy tale parodies, and I'm so happy he said yes to this absurd premise! The requester isn't into female excretion, so what we agreed on is splitting this story into two parts: part 1 is just the donkey gal getting used as a toilet and some vomiting of the foul substances she's fed. Part 2, just for my self indulgence, has her getting some much needed relief at the expense of the third little pig, but in the aftermath they both learn things about themselves and get in touch with their piggish sides.\n\nThe usual disclaimer applies that all characters are mental and physical adults and this is a work of absurd fantasy, not condoning real world bestiality or zoophilia and so on. Some extra warnings apply for this one: this story contains depictions of sex work, exploitative power dynamics, sex while heavily inebriated, characters performing sex acts they're uncomfortable with under various forms of peer pressure or financial duress, and other forms of questionable consent, use of oversized sex toys causing injury, as well as quasi-incest (siblings participating in an orgy together). Most of this isn't safe, sane, or consensual. None of this should be taken as condonement or endorsement of any of the acts depicted, and the narrative's commentary on it be shouldn't taken seriously either because this is a giant shitpost even by my standards. I was trying to parody fairy tales, dumb porn plot tropes, and the idea of using porn as social commentary itself while also doing a running gag of a narrator repeatedly putting irrelevant worldbuilding in a smut fic. You be the judge of whether I was on one too many levels of meta irony this time. I think it's still funny in a dark and deranged way, but I feel a little gross after writing it. I think I need to write some wholesome, loving, fully consensual piss or shit porn as a detox after this nonsense."
    },
    ".writing.json": {
      "writing": "[b]Part 2[/b]\n\nWelcome back to a sordid and scatological story, a filthy fairy tale for grownups only: the story of one dirty donkey and three not so little pigs: An Ass Among Swine.\n\nWhere last we left off, the third little pig, Hameron, was feeling quite ungrateful to his brothers, Hamish and Hamilton, for the 21st birthday party they'd thrown him. They'd invited over a dozen of their own loud, obnoxious friends, gotten completely trashed and trashed Hameron's house, which though big bad wolf proof wasn't quite pig proof. Worst of all, they'd hired a donkey from a mobile Heavy Petting Zoo and done unspeakable, disgusting things to her which poor Hameron couldn't tear his eyes away from. Indeed, poor Jen was almost unrecognizable now: every inch of the miniature donkey's fur was hopelessly caked and slathered with messy party foods, beer, and worse, just about every unsanitary bodily fluid you could think of: she'd been cummed on, puked in, pissed on, and shat on in an obscene debacle of drunken debauchery that dragged on for hours. Her hooves were hobbled, her belly was bloated to such a horrifying size by the amounts of those nauseating substances she'd been force fed that it was almost dragging on the ground, and a second tail sprouted from underneath the real one courtesy of a game of Pin The Tail On the Donkey: they'd left the enormous buttplug with a glittery pink unicorn tail stuffed inside her, which was not only extremely uncomfortable but had looked totally ridiculous. Right now the sparkly hair was so bedraggled with filth that it was all brown, just like the rest of Jen. Both tails drooped forlornly.\n\nMost of the guests had left now, and Hamish and Hamilton went inside to bring out Hameron's birthday cake. He had no appetite after the things he'd seen, heard, and smelled that night. Now he was briefly alone with Jen. The donkey lay on her back, her gut bloated like a balloon with all the filth she'd swallowed, blowing feeble shit bubbles in the gloppy waste in her mouth. She struggled to her feet. ``What a night,'' she groaned. ``This is the worst thing that's ever happened to me! Oh my god I can't believe I ate literal shit!''\n\n``I can't believe it either,'' said the pig. ``I'm sorry about my brothers. They get a little out of control when they drink.''\n\n``Don't worry about it. Guess this is what happens when I drink on the job.'' She retched and heaved up a geyser of poop onto her hooves. ``Look what they've done to me.'' Jenny moaned. ``Are you happy now, birthday boy?''\n\n``Of course I'm not happy! This is the worst birthday ever, and my brothers have ruined some of my other birthdays really badly too! They never think of what I want. It's like they just plan a party for themselves. I'm such a push over. I wish I could kick them out, but after the whole Big Bad Wolf incident I can't.'' He clenched a piggy fist. ``But this is the last straw. Tomorrow morning I'm dragging them out of bed, hangover or not, and making them clean up this fucking mess, and if they don't have their own place in six months I'm really going to start charging rent this time!''\n\n``You really are a - hurk! Pushover!'' Jen said. ``And you better not be planning to leave me like this all night.''\n\n``What? Of course not, I wouldn't dream of it!'' he said. ``I'll clean you up first, don't worry.''\n\n``Not what I... meant!'' she groaned, but before Hameron could ask her to elaborate, his brothers stumbled back out the door, cheering: ``Cake! Cake! Cake! Cake!''\n\nIt wasn't the worst birthday cake Hameron had ever seen, but then again it was obviously store bought. It was tall, wide, round, and extremely pink. The words ``Happy Birthday Harry'' were written on it in icing. Five candles stuck out at haphazard angles, dripping wax all over the icing. Hameron sighed and braced himself for disappointment. Hamish put the cake on the table where he sat. The younger pig ground his teeth as his brothers blundered blusterously through a hideous rendition of `Happy Birthday' that defied all notions of key and tempo. If they didn't keep starting over one of the candles was going to collapse. After a while he gave up and blew them all out. Hamish and Hamilton stopped singing and cheered. ``Happy birthday man! We love... we love ya, you know that?'' the eldest pig slurred.\n\n``Uhh... thanks, guys. I guess this isn't that bad. Is it pink lemonade cake with strawberry icing? I'm impressed you remembered I like it!'' he said. Maybe he'd eat one piece to be polite and hide the rest somewhere until he finished cleaning up the donkey. She probably deserved a piece after everything she'd been through, but there was no way she had any appetite right now. He plucked the candles out one by one and set them on the table. ``I haven't had that much beer, so I'll cut it even though I'm the birthday boy. Did anybody get a cake knife?'' he said.\n\nThen SPLATTT! Hamish grabbed the back of Hameron's head and smashed his face into the cake. Icing and mushy cake went everywhere. The older pigs burst out laughing. Hameron lifted his face from the cake. ``Why am I not surprised? You guys were always such... such jokers... Oh my God I hate this family!'' he tasted a little of the cake. ``What is this? It tastes like cold medicine.''\n\n``We got you your favorite bro! Carrot cake with cherry icing!''\n\n``And we made sure it has raisins! Your favorite!''\n\nThat was the last straw. Hameron seethed with anger. ``Carrot cake is my least favorite flavor! I hate it!'' he cried. ``I like raisins in cookies, not in cake, I hate cherry icing, and... who the fuck would put cherry icing on a carrot cake? That's the worst combination of flavors imaginable!'' He jumped to his feet. ``I knew it. You assholes are the worst brothers in the world! You don't care about me and what I want at all, and you don't even know me! You only got this cake because you forgot to get one and it was the last one on the shelf because nobody sane would buy this awful thing! But the joke's on you, because now you've finally made it so there's one good thing about this party! You didn't ruin a cake I actually liked with that stupid juvenile prank!'' Hameron quivered with anger. His eyes filled with tears. ``I hate you both so much! I... I wish I'd never taken you in after that wolf blew down your houses, that I warned you were too flimsy! Fuck you!''\n\nWith a righteous squeal, he flipped the table over, sending what was left of the cake crashing down on Jen's head. ``Oh shit! Sorry!''\n\nThe donkey blinked sympathetically. Globs of gooey cake slid down her head. ``Don't worry. It didn't make me any messier. Plus I'd react like that too if my family got me a carrot cake with cherry icing. Who even likes that flavor combo?''\n\n``It was on sale!'' said Hamilton. ``It was gonna expire because nobody bought it! But fine, if you don't appreciate all the effort we put into finding you a monogrammed cake!''\n\n``It had a whole name, not a monogram, and more importantly my name's not Harry!'' squealed Harry. I mean Hameron.\n\n``Whatever. Fine, if you don't want it.'' Hamilton scooped up some caked and ate it. ``Wow. You weren't kidding. This is really bad.''\n\n``Let me try,'' said Hamish. ``Aww, fuck. You're right. We better feed it to someone who appreciates it.''\n\n``What are you looking at me for?'' said the donkey. ``I hate carrot cake! It tastes like... who am I kidding, I just learned shit tastes way worse then carrot cake. Fine, I'll do my part to prevent food waste!''\n\nA few minutes later, most of the cake had been shoved into the donkey's mouth by Hamish and Hamilton. After being scooped off the ground or her face, it had some new frosting that definitely wasn't chocolate. Hameron almost puked just watching. But he forced himself to be strong just a little longer. ``G-great party guys!'' he said with a forced smile. ``Well, we've had cake, we've had presents, we've had games... everybody's left, so it's time for bed! Don't worry, you two can clean up every last bit of this mess in the morning while I visit the courthouse to file for an eviction!''\n\n``Huh? No, wait. Hang on, little bro, there's just one more thing.''\n\n``What's that? We've done everything AARRGH!'' Hameron squealed in surprise as his brothers grabbed his shoulders and shoved him hard, making him fall right on Jen! They tumbled to the ground in a filthy, embarrassed heap. There was shit, puke, and birthday cake everywhere! His clothes were ruined! ``Yuck! What the fuck, guys?''\n\n``I told you... We're making sure you enjoy yourself like a REAL pig tonight!'' Hamish grunted and belched loudly.\n\n``Yeah! You already insulted the cake I worked really hard on! You at least have to enjoy your present!''\n\n``You can't give a person as a present! Or an animal either!'' protested Hameron. He stared at the defiled donkey, inhaled, and gagged on the stench. ``My God, you're disgusting. Not you, personally, I mean. You are, at the moment, but it's their fault! I'm not saying I wouldn't be attracted to you if we met under better circumstances!''\n\nTo his surprise, Jen rolled her eyes. ``Dude, I appreciate that you're trying to be respectful, but I'm a professional. And a professional... always... oh fuck why did it have to be cherry - BLEEURRGGGLGLGHH!'' She vomited all over Hameron's chest, drenching his shirt in awful, slimy puke. ``Gets the job done,'' she finished weakly. ``Fuck this is such bad cake. Why would you make icing taste like cough syrup?''\n\n``You've been getting the job done all night! You're not contractually obligated to fuck every single guest, are you? Even if you are, your boss doesn't have to know!''\n\n``I don't care about my boss!'' Jen panted. She retched up some more of the horrible birthday cake. ``Fucking raisins. Listen... look at me! Look at what they've done to me! This is the worst night of my entire career! The only thing I have left is - is professional pride!'' the befouled burro blubbered.\n\n``I don't think you even have that,'' said Hameron. ``Weren't you drinking on the job?''\n\n``I have one tiny scrap left,'' she said with a sniffle. Her eyes suddenly narrowed. ``I have a rule. I don't let anyone leave one of my parties a virgin.''\n\n``Oh, fuck my life,'' Hameron groaned. He was drunk too. He'd had six cups of beer. Not to indulge himself, but to try to numb him to the horror going on around him and stave off the brewing panic attack. It wasn't helping, but it was clouding his judgement. ``Fine, if your last shred of dignity's on the line... the one thing that's gone right for me tonight is not seeing a good cake ruined, but you had to eat that atrocity.'' As well as gallons of cum, vomit, nachos, beer, piss, and shit, he thought. ``It's only fair if one thing goes right for you, I guess. But can't we do it after taking a shower?''\n\n``Not so fast,'' said Hamish. ``You've already pussied out all night! How do we know you won't do it again?'' He reached into the crate with all the toys that the petting zoo had sent with Jen, tossing aside one tail buttplug after another. ``Here!'' He lifted out a monolithic strapon, then some cuffs, more rope, and a ball gag that looked like an apple and would fit just right in a pig's mouth. ``It's our duty as your brothers to make sure you lose your virginity tonight, one way or another!''\n\nHameron was a pink pig, but the sight of those diabolical devices made him turn white as a sheet.\n\nHamilton added: ``You also might not wanna go in the bathroom. There's kind of a waffle stomp situation the guy who clogged the toilets didn't tell us about. It's pretty bad.''\n\n``I swear when this party's over, I'm busting that wolf out of jail,'' Hameron muttered. He despairingly took off his shirt, then pulled down his pants, then his underwear, exposing his piggy pecker. ``So how do we do this? On your back, or doggy - I mean donkey style?''\n\nHamish and Hameron had more beer. They chugged some, and poured some on Hameron. Then, laughing like fratboys, they shoved him onto his back and lifted Jen on top of him. To his surprise and shame, with the bloated, filthy donkey sitting on his crotch with an embarrassed expression, wriggling and shifting her weight around, he soon got hard. She lifted up a bit, then sat back down, and his dick slipped into a warm, gooey cavern.\n\nThis was not how he'd imagined his first time going. Not the position, he was pretty sure he was a bottom, but he'd tried to avoid it because the other problem: how gross Jen was. Slimy vomit and fecal matter were dripping off her filthy body onto him. Her bloated gut rumbled and sloshed up and down as she mounted him. Her front hooves slid on his chest in the mess. ``Whoa!'' she collapsed forward onto him. Her snout bumped right into his. Their lips touched.\n\n``Eww!'' Hameron squealed. ``Your mouth's nasty!''\n\n``Sorry!'' Jen sat back up and kept humping him. ``Do you want the strapon after all? I bet I can make you squeal, piggy!''\n\nHameron's cheeks flushed exactly like his toilets didn't. ``Please don't say things like that in front of my brothers!'' he whined.\n\n``Sorry. I... can't help it. You're kind of cute, in a pathetic loser way. You're so soft, and... pink... like cherry icing...'' Her eyes went wide. Her cheeks bulged out.\n\n``Oh, no...'' Hameron groaned. He shut his eyes and braced himself. A torrent of hot, lumpy vomit crashed down over his face. He heard Jen frantically apologizing, and his brothers laughing. Then she threw up again.\n\n``Stop!'' he gasped. ``Fuck! Maybe I should be on top!''\n\nBut to his dismay, Hameron found that the repetitive motion of thrusting really jostled his stomach, and he was too much of a lightweight for six beers. His stomach lasted only as long as his loins. He began to drool, dripping mucus and the donkey's own puke down on her. His groin tensed, he gagged, and began to spurt his load into her, to join dozens of others. He was putting his body where all his brothers and their unshowered friends had been. No! He had to ignore that, or he'd HHH-GLUULLLLLGGLLGLAARRRKKK! Too late. All over her.\n\n``That's nasty,'' said Jen. ``I've been puked on enough, you can be on the receiving end for once.''\n\nHameron opened his mouth to apologize, but instead he heaved up another wave of vomit right into the complaining donkey's open mouth.\n\n``Yuck!'' she gurgled. ``Mmm. You know what, this is actually better than that cake.'' Hameron staggered off her, but pig orgasms lasted a long time. Thick ropes of cum spurted out, spattering Jen in swine spooge. She tried to fend off the sticky projectiles with her hooves, but just ended up festooned with grimy ropes of testicular goo. ``Eww,'' she said as another jet of semen splashed her snout. ``Seriously, dude, how pent up were you?''\n\n``Sorry. I didn't think there's be this much!'' Hameron could only watch in mortified horror as his load thoroughly glazed the donkey. When the last spurt dribbled from his cock, he said: ``Well, t-th-think on the bright side. It's better to have that happen before showering, right? I still wish we'd showered beforehand, though. This is really disgusting, and we could always shower again later.'' He gagged again, dribbling puke onto her crotch. ``Oh, God... are you guys happy now? I lost my virginity. It's gone, ruined, and I have to live with my first time being this disaster instead of a romantic date! I'm naked and covered in filth like a real pig, right? Can I go to bed now?''\n\nHe saw that Hamilton was sprawled on a lawn chair, snoring loudly. Hamish scratched his rear end and belched. ``Huh? Yeah, everyone leaving kinda killed the vibe. Man, great party though, right? And you're welcome! Good night, little bro!''\n\n``Yeah. Night, Hamish.'' Hameron ducked into the house, leading the hobbled, dripping donkey. ``I hope they have the worst hangovers of their lives,'' he muttered. He undid the soaked, sticky knots hobbling her with some difficulty. ``Come on, let's go clean up.'' He opened the bathroom and was hit with a putrid wall of stench that brought tears to his eyes. There was a brown puddle all over the floor from the stained, brimming toilet. The bath mat was saturated. And as for the shower... he waded into the filthy puddle and drew back the shower curtain dramatically. ``Oh, no!'' he wailed. ``They were right. What a disaster! It'll take all night to clean this up, and we'll never get clean!'' he stumbled dejectedly back out. ``I'm sorry, Jen. I think whoever comes to pick you up tomorrow morning's going to get a nasty surprise. Hey, do they have showers at your petting zoo? Do you think they'd let a customer use them?'' Then he remembered something. ``Wait a minute! I have an En Suite! We're saved! I'm so glad I designed this house to withstand both wolves and inconsiderate brothers! My room and my bathroom are both off limits to guests! And I've got the key right in my...'' he felt for his pants pocket, then remembered he was no longer wearing them. ``Shit!''\n\n``What?''\n\n``I'm not wearing any pants! I don't have the key to my room!'' he squealed.\n\n``I guess we're stuck with this bathroom,'' said Jen. ``Let me see. Maybe it's not that bad.'' She peeked inside. ``Oh my God!'' she immediately gagged on the wall of stench wafting out of it. ``Wait don't shut the door I'm gonna puke!''\n\n``No! You really don't wanna go in there!'' Hameron warned her, but she pushed past him, stumbling into the bathroom and wading into the puddle of shit water.\n\n``It's the toilet or the floor!'' She stared at the toilet in horror. ``Never mind!'' she groaned. Her cheeks bulged out. The donkey tried to let loose in the tub instead, but didn't quite make it in time. A torrent of puke splattered all over the floor and the rim of the tub before she got her face over it and spewed. ``Uuurrrgghlggg...'' She spat in the tub and turned around. She'd recovered a little, but now Hameron felt like puking again.  She looked at the violated commode. ``Wow, they really did a number on that toilet,'' she said. ``You can't even plunge that without overflowing it even more.''\n\nHameron was busy having post traumatic flashbacks. ``It's horrible!'' he said with knocking knees. ``This reminds me of when I used to get swirlies in high school!''\n\n``They gave you swirlies in toilets like this?'' Jen asked with sympathy and shock. ``That's nasty! The worst I ever got was a yellow one!''\n\nHameron nodded tearfully. Then, to his horror, the donkey stepped up to the toilet.\n\n``I think this is the kinda thing where it's better to give than to receive,'' she said with a shudder. The toilet was overflowing with feces and used toilet paper. ``Think this'd help you get over your repressed trauma?''\n\n``I can't do that to you! That's disgusting!''\n\n``It's pretty rancid, but the guy who clogged it force fed me his shit anyway, so it can't get any worse for me... ha! Look at you, you're rock hard again!'' She hiccupped, and backed her rump unsteadily against him.\n\n``I don't know about this...'' said Hameron. But he'd never been on the other end of a swirlie before. Maybe it was fun. The beers still infiltrating his system made the decision for him.\n\nOne minute later, Jen was up to her eyeballs in the filthy toilet water while he plowed her from behind. He was holding her head down. She gulped down the putrid sewage like she'd walked twenty miles through the desert and this was her only source of drinking water. Once she'd lowered the level enough, he reached over her head, shoved her snout right down into the exit hole, and flushed. Murky shit water swirled and foamed around the struggling donkey. The toilet flooded and overflowed again.\n\n``Wow,'' slurred Hameron, ``You were right: it really does make me feel better!''\n\nAnother minute later, the donkey was apologizing profusely while Hameron mopped up the latest spill with sopping hand towels. He threw them in the ruined tub. She volunteered to lower the water level again so Hameron could plunge the toilet, but even with her chugging another gallon of nauseating poop water, there was no salvaging it. The bathtub drain seemed to respond, but the tub itself was still completely disgusting and so was the rest of the bathroom. Showering in there would be pointless because they'd have to wade through filth to escape.\n\n``Fuck my life,'' said the dejected pig. ``I'm going to have to call a plumber. Oh man the plumbers are gonna stereotype me and think I live like this because I'm a pig! This is so embarrassing!'' he fretted. ``Shit. I think I need another beer to cope!''\n\nHameron and Jen trudged out out of the bathroom, back outside. They left a trail of dirty hoofprints and slimy brown drips behind them. Outside, Hameron poured himself another mug. He'd just finished chugging it when he spotted some forlorn fabric lying on his patio. ``My pants!'' he squealed. He rifled through the pockets, and pulled out none other than: ``My keys were in my pants pocket this whole time? Are you kidding me?'' he ground his teeth in rage. ``Gaaaah! Maybe this was too many beers!'' He looked at his brothers, who were now both passed out and snoring. ``On the other hoof, won?t they be pretty mad if they wake up and the keg's empty? There's not much left!''\n\n``I'll help finish it off!'' said Jen. ``I know I drank a lot of toilet water, but I think there's room.'' A loud pattering sound distracted her. Hamish had started peeing in his sleep. A pale stream spattered the patio, spreading into a relatively clean puddle. Jen waddled over, wrapped her lips around his sausage, and started gulping it down. Hameron gagged.\n\n``You don't have to do that anymore. It's not your problem if they piss themselves!'' he said. He really had to pee too. Really, really badly. He had a sudden mental image of the donkey staring up at him while she sucked it all down right from his shaft. He felt all flustered. No! He had the key to the bathroom, he'd use the toilet like a civilized pig. Even if she liked it. Did she really enjoy this? Maybe if she asked nicely... fuck, he needed another beer to calm his nerves.\n\nTen minutes later, the pig and donkey staggered into the house again. Hameron had felt too queasy after two more beers, but Jen had drained another mug even after drinking Hamish's entire bladder, and Hameron poured the remaining dregs of booze out to spite his brothers. ``Thank god that's over!'' Hameron slurred. ``Now, we can take a shower in a nice, clean bathroom.''\n\nJen's stomach rumbled. ``Uhh, about that,'' she said. She grimaced in discomfort and clamped her tail down. ``There's something you need to take care of first if you want it to stay clean.''\n\n``Putting down plastic sheets on the floor so we don't track this everywhere? I'd love to, but I'm a mess too. Look at me! We'll have to just walk carefully and try not to drip too much.''\n\n``Not that, you doofus pig!'' Jen turned around and showed him her ass. The plug was bulging out now, but still held firm. ``I haven't had a bathroom break this entire shift! And after everything they made me eat and drink, believe me, when this comes out it's gonna be bad! Clear a five yard radius behind me bad! And I know you two legged types never have toilets for four legged people in your houses, and I've had way too much of that beer to aim. Clogging it's the least of your worries! Unless you'd rather have me use the shower, but do you know how hard it is to wafflestomp a blocked shower drain with hooves?''\n\n``No,'' Hameron said with an appalled gulp.\n\n``Me neither, but unless you wanna find out, your bathroom's not the place to pull this plug, and if you wait much longer it's gonna come out on its own, like a cannonball!''\n\n``Oh, God, I hadn't thought of that! Do you want to use the other bathroom? You can't make it any worse!''\n\n``I have a better idea,'' she said. Hameron didn't like the look on her face. The donkey grabbed his tail in her jaws and tugged.\n\n``Ooowwchh! Stop that! I don't have anything shoved up my backside! You're biting the real thing!''\n\n``Then come on.'' She led him into the disaster area of a living room. The furniture was such a mess. Beer, sauces, crumbs, and vomit were spilled all over the couch, as well as Hameron's recliner and ottoman. There was even a slice of pizza stuck to a couch cushion. Hameron started to hyperventilate again, mumbling about how everything was ruined and he was going to murder his brothers. Jen pushed him backward onto the sticky, puke soaked recliner and started to clamber on top of him.\n\n``Wait! What are you doing?'' he squealed.\n\n``You're gonna pull this plug out, and you're gonna be under me while you do it!'' she said with a lecherous smirk. ``Hic! What's wrong, little pig? I saw that boner you got when I was talking about destroying your bathroom! I think you've got more in common with your brothers than you're willing to admit.'' Hameron gulped. His throbbing erection brushed against her bloated, rumbling belly. ``You're such a doormat you just let them put me through all this shit on your behalf... well now you're gonna see how it feels!'' Her hot, fetid breath washed over his face, reeking of stale beer and sewage.\n\n``I... not here!'' he said.\n\n``Then where? The downstairs bathroom, or your nice clean one? You better choose before I dent the drywall with this plug!''\n\n``It's not drywall, it's plaster over brick! Completely structurally sound!'' he argued. Lying down in that filthy tub was inconceivable, but she really would destroy his bathroom if she let loose with the contents of her horrifically bloated gut.\n\n``Your chair's a writeoff anyway,'' Jen said. She was completely filthy, dripping disgusting liquids on him. She slid her hoof down his chest to his belly, and his aching, aching bladder. ``Ooof!'' he grunted. ``Wait! I just remembered, I haven't used the bathroom all night! I really need to pee!''\n\n``Don't worry,'' Jen said. ``You'll be fine. You can't pee with a boner.'' She turned around and straddled him. Her hindquarters trembled. She sniffed his dick, and gagged. ``If you're worried we could do this in your shower if you really want, though. I'm gonna turn it into a pigsty, so you won't have to worry about pretending you don't pee in it. Everyone does it even if they won't admit it.''\n\n``I do not pee in the shower! That's unsanitary!'' Hameron said. Jen didn't reply, instead sliding her drooling lips over his pork sausage. Her rump loomed disastrously over him. Her real tail swished excitedly. The limp hairy one on the colossal buttplug brushed over Hameron's face. The toy was holding firm, but only just. It bulged and tremored. The donkey's derriere was stretched wide as her sphincter threatened to give way. Her stomach clenched.\n\n``HHHNNNNNNGG!!! HEE HAW, HEE HAW!'' she brayed. Drool rained from her mouth. ``I can't take it anymore! Pull it out!''\n\n``I - I don't know about this!'' Hameron said with a fearful gulp. SSPPLQQRQQRPPPLLPPTT... Something brown and frothy started to leak past the plug. It dribbled down Jen's legs and dripped on Hameron's face. ``Yuck!''\n\n``Hurry up! My stomach's really fed up with this now!'' she brayed. Hameron reluctantly took hold of the fake tail, twining the slippery, filth soaked hair around his trotters. He tugged gently, then harder. Jen brayed a bellow of pain. The ass's hole stretched to an unbelievable size. She sobbed and pawed at the towels. ``Aaargh! It hurts!  It's a good thing all the king's horses loosened me up yesterday!''\n\nThen, with an almighty SCHLORRPP!  The titanic toy came free. Along with it came a lot of gooey brown paste that splatted down on Hameron. ``Yeuchh!!'' he cried, ``This is horrible! Oh shit, this was a bad idea! Maybe if you do it in my lap?''\n\nBut there was no saving him now. With the behemoth blockage in the burro's bunghole finally removed, there was no hope of her resisting her cramping intestines. With a grunt of discomfort, she squatted and began to empty her bowels all over the doomed pig below, ignoring his squeals of distress. She expelled another glob of filth that the plug had long since squished into oblivion, then a girthsome freight train of heavy balls of manure thundered from her ruined rectum, rolling off Hameron's head and mounding up around him in sticky, clumping masses. Clatterous, cheek rippling outbursts of swampy gas sent lumps of waste blasting against the wall of the arms of the easy chair. Poorly digested hay blown skyward by the equine's unbearable eruptions floated down on them. Hameron held his breath and tried not to suffocate on Jen's muggy farts, but her ass was relentless.\n\n``Help!'' he wailed. But there was no one around to hear him. He doubted his brothers would save him even if they woke up from their stupor. ``It's horrible! What have you been eating?''\n\n``Do you really want a list?'' Jen grunted. Another avalanche of excrement spilled from under her tail. Her stomach gurgled wetly. Her shit was getting soft and clotting together in sticky masses that began to pile up on Hameron's face. ``Ooohhhf... I wasn't exactly in charge of my diet tonight either, so blame your brothers for this, not me!'' Coils of putrid fudge slid down his snout and cheeks. ``Fuck... I can't stop. Sorry, little pig, I think you'll have to eat up like I did if you don't want to get buried.''\n\nBBGGLURRRGGGGHHTT. A sodden fart speckled Hameron's face with more donkey dung. Her hole opened to baseball size and several big wet, slimy turds tumbled out. Then, to the poor pig's dismay, the bloated burro's behind suddenly erupted with a cacophonous cavalcade of soft, clumpy waste that reeked of cheap beer and bad party food. Outlandish amounts of hot, creamy muck expelled from her cramping gut in dreadful, splortchy gouts of greasy, pulpsome slop that was fit only for pigs to eat. The tragedy was, of course, that poor Hameron was a pig, and though he would usually never have dared to ingest such repellant substances as fresh donkey shit, he didn't have a choice before long because she'd literally buried his entire face, snout and all, in the growing dung heap. He struggled, flailed, and held his breath as long as he could, but there was no hope for him. He had to breathe. He let her shit avalanche into his mouth, wincing and gagging as he chewed the hideous, squelchsome crap.\n\nJen was multitasking: at one end, she was lovingly sucking the pig's pecker. At the other end, she was still disgorging the most abominable bowel movement of her entire life, heedless of her lover being smothered.\n\n``Ullgghhh... this is horrible!'' Hameron sobbed as he choked down another mouthful of wet, pulpy donkey shit. His stomach was filling with the reviled waste. BLUTTSCHPP! Something abominably runny splashed his forehead. ``Stop!''\n\nJen lifted her head up, dripping pre.\n\n``That's not what I meant! I don't care if you keep sucking, but UUGLGLOOOMMFFF!'' An unstoppable barrage of filth battered him down into the pillows. His face was covered in it. This was the most disgusting thing he'd ever experienced. It tasted so awful! His heart pounded with terrified, revolted arousal as the weight of dung burying his head increased. This was an undignified position for an educated professional pig to be in! He was reduced to a toilet, wallowing around in the muck, and forced to eat right from another animal's bottom. He forced himself to swallow another gulp of warm, slimy donkey dung, and wiped the grimy sludge away from his nose. Hameron snorted and spluttered. He could hear her moaning through a mouthful of pork sausage as she unloaded her mistreated bowels on him. Her dirty lips caressing his meat felt so good. What she was doing to him was vile and disgusting, but suddenly he could feel his anxiety melting away.\n\nShe was right. He refused to admit it to himself, and mostly he felt sorry for the poor donkey, guilty for her cruel fate, and fearful for his homeowner's insurance premiums, but it had aroused him watching this. He'd enjoyed giving her that swirlie. Maybe he was no better than his brothers, despite how hard he'd tried to rise above the family reputation. He was nothing more than a lowly, filthy, dirty pig. A pig who belonged in the mud and sludge. His stomach was getting so full.\n\nHe hadn't really tried to stop her, had he? He'd just argued about where to do it, but he'd accepted that he deserved to be under her, suffering the horrific consequences of her being fed all kinds of revolting substances all night. Under an incontinent petting zoo donkey. The arms of his recliner were holding her waste and letting it build up in a huge pile, turning it into just the disgusting pigsty Hameron belonged in.\n\nHameron was mindlessly stuffing himself with her poop now, greedily shoveling her waste into his mouth. He'd always had a stress eating problem, and the internal conflict between his cultured persona and his long repressed piggy nature was making him lose all control. Or maybe he really was enjoying it. Hameron's loins started to buck and spurt, spewing hot hog spunk into Jen's mouth.\n\n``Careful, little pig, you might stain your chair with this!'' she said, pulling back and letting his load splash all over her filthy face. Hameron just moaned and reared up from the dung heap, snorting and snuffling between her haunches in an instinctive drive to pleasure his partner. She put all her weight on him, plunging him back down into the warm, squishy embrace of the seat cushion and the behemothic mountain of shit piled on it. Her rump squelched deep into the pile, smothering Hameron. He could feel his cum still fountaining high into the air. Jen was playing with it, slurping and batting at his dick like a cat. His lips wrapped around her sputtering donut. Foul air hissed into his mouth, bulging his cheeks like a balloon. Then a salvo of wet, greasy shit blasted his palate with a gruesome SSPPWWRBB-PPRORRRTTCHHH! His mouth filled with gooey, clogging waste, too thick for him to swallow. With his last spurt, she gulped it down and lifted up with a squelch, dripping gooey muck from her legs.\n\n``Fuck,'' she gasped. She looked back at him, half buried in her shit. ``Wow. See? I told you I'd clog your toilet.''\n\n``You clogged me instead,'' moaned Hameron. His stomach was bursting with her waste. He felt quite nauseous, just from the sheer pressure.\n\n``Clogged?'' she said. She clamped her tail down over her butt. Her stomach gurgled noisily. It was still almost as bloated as before. ``Uh oh. This is a really bad time for that, because I can't hold this back.'' The last thing Hameron saw was a crackling brown mass forcing its way past her tail and plopping down on his face before she groaned, squatted, and her asshole opened, disgorging a muddy avalanche that buried him in seconds.\n\nThe next thing he saw after that was a filthy, shit-caked tongue, snout, and lips. ``Sorry,'' Jen said, and belched. ``I don't think beer and nachos were a good idea, my butt's really out of control tonight.''\n\n``Did you just... eat me free?'' Hameron said.\n\n``Yeah.'' Jen lifted her tail, and more dung plopped onto Hameron's crotch. ``Why? Did you want it all to yourself? Greedy pig.'' She prodded his stomach with a hoof, making him gag. ``Don't worry, it's gonna come back out one way or another, but if you want another helping already...'' she turned around and straddled him again.\n\n``Wait!'' cried Hameron. ``I'm stuffed! I can't eat another bite!'' but the donkey was already defecating. Her hole stretched almost as wide as the plug, and a megalithic log of knobbly, fibrous impacted shit slowly slid out of her. It broke under its own weight and crashed down on Hameron's face. With it out of the way, softer muck flowed out faster and faster, cascading down in mushy, sticky coils and steaming masses of crap.\n\nJen huffed and brayed as her bowels forcefully evacuated themselves. ``If you get buried again there's still room in my stomach, but I'm not responsible for whatever's behind me while I'm eating,'' she said. ``I don't know how long it's gonna be -'' GGGGLLLGLLGRRUUGGLLULLLLGGGLLLL. Her stomach interrupted loudly and rudely. The donkey shivered, and pulled her tail aside. Muggy gas spewed from her pucker, then that most impolite of orifices was abruptly barged open. A soft, gooey projectile splatted behind Hameron, then most appalling of all, a dark brown jet of pure diarrhea sprayed the back of the recliner like a super soaker filled with chocolate syrup. Liquid shit splattered everywhere, including raining down on Hameron. ``Solid!''\n\n``Stop! My living room!'' he squealed. Jen tried to clamp her tail down when the next wave of cramps hit her, but it just turned her butt from a hose into a sprinkler. Faced with further defiling of his living room, Hameron rashly pulled her down on top of him and tried to contain the fecal faucet with his snout. Nauseating swamp gas with a mist of filth sprayed into his mouth, making him gag, then the floodgates opened again. Hot, greasy, and unfathomably foully flavored donkey diarrhea flooded his mouth to the brim, overflowing everywhere as he slurped and gulped the putrid sludge stream down in vain. ``Fuckgllck! This is vile.'' Despite his words, he was rock hard from the product of her digestive distress pouring out all over him. She finally regained control of her bowels and stood up. ``Ptoo!'' Hameron spat out the last mouthful of liquid shit. The donkey turned around and started licking his face, but his stomach was too full and her breath was too foul. Much like the toilet overflowing during her swirlie, Hameron erupted in a thick geyser of sewery puke. The liquid had saturated the recliner and was now overflowing off it, all over the floor.\n\n``Sorry. I didn't mean to back you up this badly.'' The donkey looked sheepish at the disaster she'd caused. Just like the clogged toilet, Hameron had overflowed all over the floor. ``Maybe we should've done this in your shower after all.''\n\nA few minutes later, the pair stumbled into Hameron's bedroom, giggling and belching. Jen had her tail stuffed as far up her own ass as it would go to try to reduce the leakage, but both of them were still dripping heavily. Hameron threw some blankets and towels from the linen closet on the shower floor to make it softer, and lay down. The walk-in shower had its floor a step below the rest of the bathroom, so even if the drain clogged, it wouldn't flood everything else. Hameron's bladder was completely bursting now. He looked at the toilet long and longingly, but Jen tugged him into the shower and shut the door. She pushed him over onto the pillows like the pushover he was and straddled him. Her tail slipped out of her anus, soaked with liquid shit. It was holding back an enormous, disgracefully splortchy mudslide of soft, goopy manure. She buried his crotch in dung in seconds, leaving just the tip of his cock poking out, then sat down on it and mounted him in reverse cowgirl with a gruesome squelch. Then SPLUUUBBTTT! A shocking outburst of noxious, gassy, lumpy diarrhea spray painted Hameron from belly button to head, and sprayed the whole wall of the shower with shit.\n\n``Eww!'' Hameron gave her rump a smack. ``It's all over the bathroom already!''\n\nJen indignantly backed her booty up and hovered menacingly over Hameron's face. ``Oh I'm sorry, did you want me to try and keep the mess contained?'' Without waiting for an answer she sat down on the pig's face and sharted vigorously. Sadly, with so much liquid courage in him, he was no longer able to lie about how much he liked big butts, no matter how unsanitary they or their owners were. He obediently began to lick and slurp at her splattery donut, grunting and oinking like the dirty little pig he was. The donkey unloaded pound after pound of mush, sucking his cock at the same time. Then, after she pushed out another dozen grapefruit sized turds, the swelling in her bowels pressing on her urethra finally went down, and there was no stopping the flood. FFWWSSSSHHH! A sudden torrent of salty, barnyard smelling and tasting urine surged from her folds, completely inundating Hameron. Jen almost cried with relief.\n\n``Oh, thank heavens! I would've pissed myself hours ago, but it wouldn't come out!'' she moaned. Her tail curled up and her loins quivered as the cataract of recycled beer (lots of it recycled twice) threatened to drown the unfortunate pig below. But it was actually a refreshing palate cleanser after the vile substances she'd been feeding him directly from her ass. He slurped and gulped, tickling her lower lips as he chugged the warm geyser. She was still sucking. But with this sudden influx of liquid, Hameron's bladder couldn't take it anymore either. He tried to hold it in, but a surprise fountain leapt up into the donkey's mouth.\n\nShe brayed with surprise and laughed. ``See? I knew you peed in the shower!'' She started drinking. Pee gushed from them and into them in an endless circle. The blankets were soon saturated with livestock urine. The drain was clogged with a shitty towel. They kept drinking, and drinking, and drinking, but their inhumanely pent up bladders weren't even close to running dry.\n\nHameron had a devilish idea. He wiggled out from under Jen and showered her in piggy piss while she struggled to hold her own in. Then he mounted her, penetrated her anus, and released into her. It wasn't easy peeing at half mast, but there was still so much pressure inside him, gushing out, filling her up.\n\n``Aren't I bloated enough already?'' she complained.\n\nOf course, he paid for that, dearly. She pinned him down and let loose with a firehose of urine mixed with liquid shit. Hameron had to chug his own filthy piss enema until his stomach nearly burst. Lumps of slimy half dissolved waste battered him relentlessly amidst a geyser of muddy fluids. She let him up, only to soak the blankets with a heavy gush of diarrhea and lie down in her own filth, writhing and wallowing in it. Hameron's gut suddenly cramped. His asshole clenched and burned. The toilet was far away outside the shower. The drain was clogged. There was only one thing he could do.\n\n``Seriously, fuck you,'' Jen grumbled. ``The last thing my stomach needs is more pigshit. But I guess I'm contractually obligated to rim you no matter what.'' She let him squat over her and licked his taint until he unleashed a horrendous mudslide of piggy pudding. After choking about half of it down, she forced him down into the other half. ``That tasted horrible. You don't get to complain about anything I feed you after that,'' she said, and sat down on his face.\n\nSoon Hameron's mouth was too full to complain. Soft, gloppy manure was coming out of her ass like a faucet. She buried his cock, then his chest, then mercilessly unloaded a titanic bowel movement of grotesquely greasy sludge onto his face. Try as he might to keep up, the onslaught of heavy, cloying manure mixed with the most deplorably unhealthy outbursts of runny poop spewing out of her bottom was just too catastrophically copious. It mounded up around his head, slowly burying him. Luckily, her appetite for her shit was just as voracious as his.\n\nBut I'm sad to say this story doesn't have a happy ending. It has a crappy ending. For you see, though both the third little pig and the dirty donkey were talking animals, such filthy acts soon reduced them to mere beasts. Hameron's shower was no longer a place of cleanliness, it was now the revolting pigsty he was always destined to end up in, and Jen was no better than their client. They pissed, shit, and puked on and in each other. Giggling and belching, they rolled and wrestled in the muck. They slurped it from the ground. Jen sprayed the walls with explosive diarrhea and they both licked it off. Hameron scooped massive piles of the dirty donkey's manure into her mouth, stuffing her face with it. They could no longer speak, instead braying, oinking and squealing like the unhygienic barnyard animals they were. Their minds were long gone.\n\nAt least, that's the ending this story would have if it were written by one of those annoyingly depressing fairy tale authors. The truth is, they did all of those depraved, unhygienic things, but they didn't revert to beasts out of some universal justice for their perverted actions. They were just really drunk. So the debaucherous donkey and the perverse pig fell asleep after a while, cuddling in a quagmire of excrement, and they woke up still in that quagmire, but with really bad hangovers.\n\n``Oh my god,'' Hameron groaned. ``What happened last night?''\n\nJen sat up and shook herself, sending clumps of caked on manure everywhere. She stared at the aftermath of the devastating craptastrophe. ``We got shitfaced.'' Hameron smushed a handful of dung in her face as revenge for that pun. ``Fuck me. This is the last time I drink on the job.''\n\nBut after cleaning themselves up that morning, and then handing the even more hung over Hamish and Hamilton mops and buckets and making them clean up the aftermath of the party, Jen and Hameron had time to think about their night of drunken debauchery, and they both realized they really enjoyed it.\n\n``Fuck this shit, I'm calling in sick today,'' Jenny said after blasting Hameron's toilet with diarrhea for the fifth time that morning. ``And I've decided I really need to set better boundaries at work. I literally let the clients shit on me last night.''\n\n``And I let my brothers throw a huge party and trash my house, when they're not even paying rent!'' Hameron grumbled while he helped Jen wipe. ``Well, now I'm done being a pushover! I'm evicting those dumb jerks!''\n\n``Maybe I should try a 4 day work week. But if I go down to part time I can't stay at the petting zoo on my days off. I'll have to get my own place. Man, it's gonna be really hard finding anywhere in this city with cheap rent that's not a total pigsty. No offense.'' Jen grinned innocently.\n\n``Okay, I can take a hint. You can stay here once I kick my brothers out. But I'm not accepting sexual favors in place of rent, even if you are a professional. That's a complete violation of landlord ethics. I don't want a power imbalance like that in our relationship, not to mention the tax implications -''\n\nJen put a hoof on his chest. ``Who said anything about sexual favors? I don't mix business and pleasure.''\n\n``I'm not quite sure what that means.''\n\n``It means I'll move in with you under one condition. I'll pay enough rent to replace whatever both your brothers were paying. I'll sign a lease and everything.''\n\n``B-but I haven't been charging them any!'' Hameron stammered.\n\n``Replacing two freeloading roommates with one's a pretty good deal for you then, isn't it?'' the donkey said with a grin. ``But I wasn't finished. I'll cut my hours to... shit, if I've only gotta cover groceries I can do three nights a week. The other four? I'm not a professional petting zoo donkey when I'm off the clock, right?''\n\n``Right, that's what I'm say-''\n\n``I'm just a regular donkey. A regular, slutty, horny, dirty farm animal'' She scrunched up her face. SPPPBLLBLAARRRTTT. Hameron's handful of toilet paper was suddenly soaked in hot, gooey sludge. He stared at the dripping brown mess covering his hand. Jen leaned in and kissed him. ``Your slutty, dirty farm animal, that you can do whatever degrading, disgusting, filthy things you want to. You can hobble me, tie me up, put me in blinders, destroy me with unreasonably large buttplugs, make me live in a stall in your backyard that you never muck out, you name it. Anything goes, everything your brothers and all your friends did last night.''\n\n``That just sounds like the same deal,'' Hameron protested. ``There has to be something in it for you that's totally unrelated to the free room and board!''\n\nJen leaned in harder, pushing him over with a hoof. ``Don't worry, I was getting to that. Your end of the deal is, when you come home you're not a professional tax accountant either. You're going to spend those four nights a week acting like the depraved, shameless, filthy little pig I know you are. You're going to spank me, pull my mane and tail, ravage me, cum on me, piss on me, puke on me, and shit on me without mercy, and feed me disgusting, unhealthy slop until I explode from both ends!'' She grabbed Hameron's t-shirt, dragged him into the shower, and heaved the weakly protesting pig into the puddle of fresh waste she'd spewed all over it. It immediately started soaking through his shirt. ``But that also means you'll wallow in your pigsty and eat your slop without squealing too much, and you won't get squeamish about where you put that dirty pig snout no matter how messy I am. Deal?'' She clopped into the filthy shower and straddled him. Her hindquarters loomed over his face, still dripping with liquid shit. Hameron knew this was just the kind of horrors he was in store for if he said yes. But as Jen had just proven yet again, he was quite literally a pushover.\n\n``Can't we just have one night of relaxing and watching movies or other normal couple bonding, and three nights of unspeakable coprophilic debauchery?'' he pleaded.\n\n``Yeah, I guess so. But I'll be holding all this in for the next night,'' she promised. Then she lowered her nauseating, filth caked hips down onto him. Hameron snorted and snuffled, slurping and licking every inch of his true love's shitty ass, until another wave hit her and vile, runny manure, fit only for pigs or certain naughty donkeys, poured into his mouth like a faucet, filling him to the brim, and he started peeing up into her face.\n\nAfter that? The Third Little Pig and the Dirty Donkey both lived happily ever after. So did the one wolf at the party who decided drinking strangers' urine for money wasn't such a bad career after all. Even the Big Bad Wolf turned his life around after he got out of prison, and went into a new line of work demolishing condemned buildings. As for the First Little Pig and the Second Little Pig, they got kicked out and had to get real jobs. Hamish and Hamilton ended up working retail, which is a perfectly respectable line of work, don't get me wrong, but they soon learned that messy, inconsiderate, piggish behavior wasn't so funny when they were the ones who had to clean up after thoughtless customers.\n\nAnd Jen and Hameron? Well, eventually Jen quit her job, went back to school, and got a job as a civil servant enforcing worker rights laws. After a few years they got married due to the tax benefits of filing jointly, but on Friday nights they can often be found in the dirtiest, filthiest sex clubs in all the land. Jen still likes to be hobbled, stuffed with impractically large toys and impractically greasy bar food, and made to service dozens of unhygienic strangers until she's wallowing in semen, vomit, piss and shit, while Hameron is tied up and made to watch her be defiled, then thrown down in the mess with her for Jen to have her way with. As for Hameron's brick house, mostly they keep it clean, but they've converted one of the spare bedrooms into a pigsty.\n\n[i]The End[/i]"
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  "description": "In this filthy fairy tale, a talking donkey who works at a mobile petting zoo for adults only gets hired to work a birthday party. Her clients are none other than the Three Little Pigs. The older two have hired her for their brother's surprise birthday party without his knowledge, and the third pig is none too happy about it. His brothers and the guests they invited turn the house into a pigsty, and the hapless donkey faces one of the dirtiest jobs of her career.\n\nThis story is a request for @DylanDice . It took a bit of brainstorming and negotiation to come up with an idea we were both happy with: the original request was for a story with the donkey from Shrek and Spider Ham. I wasn't comfortable doing scat smut of those characters but it got me thinking about fairy tale parodies, and I'm so happy he said yes to this absurd premise! The requester isn't into female excretion, so what we agreed on is splitting this story into two parts: part 1 is just the donkey gal getting used as a toilet and some vomiting of the foul substances she's fed. Part 2, just for my self indulgence, has her getting some much needed relief at the expense of the third little pig, but in the aftermath they both learn things about themselves and get in touch with their piggish sides.\n\nThe usual disclaimer applies that all characters are mental and physical adults and this is a work of absurd fantasy, not condoning real world bestiality or zoophilia and so on. Some extra warnings apply for this one: this story contains depictions of sex work, exploitative power dynamics, sex while heavily inebriated, characters performing sex acts they're uncomfortable with under various forms of peer pressure or financial duress, and other forms of questionable consent, use of oversized sex toys causing injury, as well as quasi-incest (siblings participating in an orgy together). Most of this isn't safe, sane, or consensual. None of this should be taken as condonement or endorsement of any of the acts depicted, and the narrative's commentary on it be shouldn't taken seriously either because this is a giant shitpost even by my standards. I was trying to parody fairy tales, dumb porn plot tropes, and the idea of using porn as social commentary itself while also doing a running gag of a narrator repeatedly putting irrelevant worldbuilding in a smut fic. You be the judge of whether I was on one too many levels of meta irony this time. I think it's still funny in a dark and deranged way, but I feel a little gross after writing it. I think I need to write some wholesome, loving, fully consensual piss or shit porn as a detox after this nonsense.",
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  "title": "An Ass Among Swine (Part 2)",
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  "writing": "[b]Part 2[/b]\n\nWelcome back to a sordid and scatological story, a filthy fairy tale for grownups only: the story of one dirty donkey and three not so little pigs: An Ass Among Swine.\n\nWhere last we left off, the third little pig, Hameron, was feeling quite ungrateful to his brothers, Hamish and Hamilton, for the 21st birthday party they'd thrown him. They'd invited over a dozen of their own loud, obnoxious friends, gotten completely trashed and trashed Hameron's house, which though big bad wolf proof wasn't quite pig proof. Worst of all, they'd hired a donkey from a mobile Heavy Petting Zoo and done unspeakable, disgusting things to her which poor Hameron couldn't tear his eyes away from. Indeed, poor Jen was almost unrecognizable now: every inch of the miniature donkey's fur was hopelessly caked and slathered with messy party foods, beer, and worse, just about every unsanitary bodily fluid you could think of: she'd been cummed on, puked in, pissed on, and shat on in an obscene debacle of drunken debauchery that dragged on for hours. Her hooves were hobbled, her belly was bloated to such a horrifying size by the amounts of those nauseating substances she'd been force fed that it was almost dragging on the ground, and a second tail sprouted from underneath the real one courtesy of a game of Pin The Tail On the Donkey: they'd left the enormous buttplug with a glittery pink unicorn tail stuffed inside her, which was not only extremely uncomfortable but had looked totally ridiculous. Right now the sparkly hair was so bedraggled with filth that it was all brown, just like the rest of Jen. Both tails drooped forlornly.\n\nMost of the guests had left now, and Hamish and Hamilton went inside to bring out Hameron's birthday cake. He had no appetite after the things he'd seen, heard, and smelled that night. Now he was briefly alone with Jen. The donkey lay on her back, her gut bloated like a balloon with all the filth she'd swallowed, blowing feeble shit bubbles in the gloppy waste in her mouth. She struggled to her feet. ``What a night,'' she groaned. ``This is the worst thing that's ever happened to me! Oh my god I can't believe I ate literal shit!''\n\n``I can't believe it either,'' said the pig. ``I'm sorry about my brothers. They get a little out of control when they drink.''\n\n``Don't worry about it. Guess this is what happens when I drink on the job.'' She retched and heaved up a geyser of poop onto her hooves. ``Look what they've done to me.'' Jenny moaned. ``Are you happy now, birthday boy?''\n\n``Of course I'm not happy! This is the worst birthday ever, and my brothers have ruined some of my other birthdays really badly too! They never think of what I want. It's like they just plan a party for themselves. I'm such a push over. I wish I could kick them out, but after the whole Big Bad Wolf incident I can't.'' He clenched a piggy fist. ``But this is the last straw. Tomorrow morning I'm dragging them out of bed, hangover or not, and making them clean up this fucking mess, and if they don't have their own place in six months I'm really going to start charging rent this time!''\n\n``You really are a - hurk! Pushover!'' Jen said. ``And you better not be planning to leave me like this all night.''\n\n``What? Of course not, I wouldn't dream of it!'' he said. ``I'll clean you up first, don't worry.''\n\n``Not what I... meant!'' she groaned, but before Hameron could ask her to elaborate, his brothers stumbled back out the door, cheering: ``Cake! Cake! Cake! Cake!''\n\nIt wasn't the worst birthday cake Hameron had ever seen, but then again it was obviously store bought. It was tall, wide, round, and extremely pink. The words ``Happy Birthday Harry'' were written on it in icing. Five candles stuck out at haphazard angles, dripping wax all over the icing. Hameron sighed and braced himself for disappointment. Hamish put the cake on the table where he sat. The younger pig ground his teeth as his brothers blundered blusterously through a hideous rendition of `Happy Birthday' that defied all notions of key and tempo. If they didn't keep starting over one of the candles was going to collapse. After a while he gave up and blew them all out. Hamish and Hamilton stopped singing and cheered. ``Happy birthday man! We love... we love ya, you know that?'' the eldest pig slurred.\n\n``Uhh... thanks, guys. I guess this isn't that bad. Is it pink lemonade cake with strawberry icing? I'm impressed you remembered I like it!'' he said. Maybe he'd eat one piece to be polite and hide the rest somewhere until he finished cleaning up the donkey. She probably deserved a piece after everything she'd been through, but there was no way she had any appetite right now. He plucked the candles out one by one and set them on the table. ``I haven't had that much beer, so I'll cut it even though I'm the birthday boy. Did anybody get a cake knife?'' he said.\n\nThen SPLATTT! Hamish grabbed the back of Hameron's head and smashed his face into the cake. Icing and mushy cake went everywhere. The older pigs burst out laughing. Hameron lifted his face from the cake. ``Why am I not surprised? You guys were always such... such jokers... Oh my God I hate this family!'' he tasted a little of the cake. ``What is this? It tastes like cold medicine.''\n\n``We got you your favorite bro! Carrot cake with cherry icing!''\n\n``And we made sure it has raisins! Your favorite!''\n\nThat was the last straw. Hameron seethed with anger. ``Carrot cake is my least favorite flavor! I hate it!'' he cried. ``I like raisins in cookies, not in cake, I hate cherry icing, and... who the fuck would put cherry icing on a carrot cake? That's the worst combination of flavors imaginable!'' He jumped to his feet. ``I knew it. You assholes are the worst brothers in the world! You don't care about me and what I want at all, and you don't even know me! You only got this cake because you forgot to get one and it was the last one on the shelf because nobody sane would buy this awful thing! But the joke's on you, because now you've finally made it so there's one good thing about this party! You didn't ruin a cake I actually liked with that stupid juvenile prank!'' Hameron quivered with anger. His eyes filled with tears. ``I hate you both so much! I... I wish I'd never taken you in after that wolf blew down your houses, that I warned you were too flimsy! Fuck you!''\n\nWith a righteous squeal, he flipped the table over, sending what was left of the cake crashing down on Jen's head. ``Oh shit! Sorry!''\n\nThe donkey blinked sympathetically. Globs of gooey cake slid down her head. ``Don't worry. It didn't make me any messier. Plus I'd react like that too if my family got me a carrot cake with cherry icing. Who even likes that flavor combo?''\n\n``It was on sale!'' said Hamilton. ``It was gonna expire because nobody bought it! But fine, if you don't appreciate all the effort we put into finding you a monogrammed cake!''\n\n``It had a whole name, not a monogram, and more importantly my name's not Harry!'' squealed Harry. I mean Hameron.\n\n``Whatever. Fine, if you don't want it.'' Hamilton scooped up some caked and ate it. ``Wow. You weren't kidding. This is really bad.''\n\n``Let me try,'' said Hamish. ``Aww, fuck. You're right. We better feed it to someone who appreciates it.''\n\n``What are you looking at me for?'' said the donkey. ``I hate carrot cake! It tastes like... who am I kidding, I just learned shit tastes way worse then carrot cake. Fine, I'll do my part to prevent food waste!''\n\nA few minutes later, most of the cake had been shoved into the donkey's mouth by Hamish and Hamilton. After being scooped off the ground or her face, it had some new frosting that definitely wasn't chocolate. Hameron almost puked just watching. But he forced himself to be strong just a little longer. ``G-great party guys!'' he said with a forced smile. ``Well, we've had cake, we've had presents, we've had games... everybody's left, so it's time for bed! Don't worry, you two can clean up every last bit of this mess in the morning while I visit the courthouse to file for an eviction!''\n\n``Huh? No, wait. Hang on, little bro, there's just one more thing.''\n\n``What's that? We've done everything AARRGH!'' Hameron squealed in surprise as his brothers grabbed his shoulders and shoved him hard, making him fall right on Jen! They tumbled to the ground in a filthy, embarrassed heap. There was shit, puke, and birthday cake everywhere! His clothes were ruined! ``Yuck! What the fuck, guys?''\n\n``I told you... We're making sure you enjoy yourself like a REAL pig tonight!'' Hamish grunted and belched loudly.\n\n``Yeah! You already insulted the cake I worked really hard on! You at least have to enjoy your present!''\n\n``You can't give a person as a present! Or an animal either!'' protested Hameron. He stared at the defiled donkey, inhaled, and gagged on the stench. ``My God, you're disgusting. Not you, personally, I mean. You are, at the moment, but it's their fault! I'm not saying I wouldn't be attracted to you if we met under better circumstances!''\n\nTo his surprise, Jen rolled her eyes. ``Dude, I appreciate that you're trying to be respectful, but I'm a professional. And a professional... always... oh fuck why did it have to be cherry - BLEEURRGGGLGLGHH!'' She vomited all over Hameron's chest, drenching his shirt in awful, slimy puke. ``Gets the job done,'' she finished weakly. ``Fuck this is such bad cake. Why would you make icing taste like cough syrup?''\n\n``You've been getting the job done all night! You're not contractually obligated to fuck every single guest, are you? Even if you are, your boss doesn't have to know!''\n\n``I don't care about my boss!'' Jen panted. She retched up some more of the horrible birthday cake. ``Fucking raisins. Listen... look at me! Look at what they've done to me! This is the worst night of my entire career! The only thing I have left is - is professional pride!'' the befouled burro blubbered.\n\n``I don't think you even have that,'' said Hameron. ``Weren't you drinking on the job?''\n\n``I have one tiny scrap left,'' she said with a sniffle. Her eyes suddenly narrowed. ``I have a rule. I don't let anyone leave one of my parties a virgin.''\n\n``Oh, fuck my life,'' Hameron groaned. He was drunk too. He'd had six cups of beer. Not to indulge himself, but to try to numb him to the horror going on around him and stave off the brewing panic attack. It wasn't helping, but it was clouding his judgement. ``Fine, if your last shred of dignity's on the line... the one thing that's gone right for me tonight is not seeing a good cake ruined, but you had to eat that atrocity.'' As well as gallons of cum, vomit, nachos, beer, piss, and shit, he thought. ``It's only fair if one thing goes right for you, I guess. But can't we do it after taking a shower?''\n\n``Not so fast,'' said Hamish. ``You've already pussied out all night! How do we know you won't do it again?'' He reached into the crate with all the toys that the petting zoo had sent with Jen, tossing aside one tail buttplug after another. ``Here!'' He lifted out a monolithic strapon, then some cuffs, more rope, and a ball gag that looked like an apple and would fit just right in a pig's mouth. ``It's our duty as your brothers to make sure you lose your virginity tonight, one way or another!''\n\nHameron was a pink pig, but the sight of those diabolical devices made him turn white as a sheet.\n\nHamilton added: ``You also might not wanna go in the bathroom. There's kind of a waffle stomp situation the guy who clogged the toilets didn't tell us about. It's pretty bad.''\n\n``I swear when this party's over, I'm busting that wolf out of jail,'' Hameron muttered. He despairingly took off his shirt, then pulled down his pants, then his underwear, exposing his piggy pecker. ``So how do we do this? On your back, or doggy - I mean donkey style?''\n\nHamish and Hameron had more beer. They chugged some, and poured some on Hameron. Then, laughing like fratboys, they shoved him onto his back and lifted Jen on top of him. To his surprise and shame, with the bloated, filthy donkey sitting on his crotch with an embarrassed expression, wriggling and shifting her weight around, he soon got hard. She lifted up a bit, then sat back down, and his dick slipped into a warm, gooey cavern.\n\nThis was not how he'd imagined his first time going. Not the position, he was pretty sure he was a bottom, but he'd tried to avoid it because the other problem: how gross Jen was. Slimy vomit and fecal matter were dripping off her filthy body onto him. Her bloated gut rumbled and sloshed up and down as she mounted him. Her front hooves slid on his chest in the mess. ``Whoa!'' she collapsed forward onto him. Her snout bumped right into his. Their lips touched.\n\n``Eww!'' Hameron squealed. ``Your mouth's nasty!''\n\n``Sorry!'' Jen sat back up and kept humping him. ``Do you want the strapon after all? I bet I can make you squeal, piggy!''\n\nHameron's cheeks flushed exactly like his toilets didn't. ``Please don't say things like that in front of my brothers!'' he whined.\n\n``Sorry. I... can't help it. You're kind of cute, in a pathetic loser way. You're so soft, and... pink... like cherry icing...'' Her eyes went wide. Her cheeks bulged out.\n\n``Oh, no...'' Hameron groaned. He shut his eyes and braced himself. A torrent of hot, lumpy vomit crashed down over his face. He heard Jen frantically apologizing, and his brothers laughing. Then she threw up again.\n\n``Stop!'' he gasped. ``Fuck! Maybe I should be on top!''\n\nBut to his dismay, Hameron found that the repetitive motion of thrusting really jostled his stomach, and he was too much of a lightweight for six beers. His stomach lasted only as long as his loins. He began to drool, dripping mucus and the donkey's own puke down on her. His groin tensed, he gagged, and began to spurt his load into her, to join dozens of others. He was putting his body where all his brothers and their unshowered friends had been. No! He had to ignore that, or he'd HHH-GLUULLLLLGGLLGLAARRRKKK! Too late. All over her.\n\n``That's nasty,'' said Jen. ``I've been puked on enough, you can be on the receiving end for once.''\n\nHameron opened his mouth to apologize, but instead he heaved up another wave of vomit right into the complaining donkey's open mouth.\n\n``Yuck!'' she gurgled. ``Mmm. You know what, this is actually better than that cake.'' Hameron staggered off her, but pig orgasms lasted a long time. Thick ropes of cum spurted out, spattering Jen in swine spooge. She tried to fend off the sticky projectiles with her hooves, but just ended up festooned with grimy ropes of testicular goo. ``Eww,'' she said as another jet of semen splashed her snout. ``Seriously, dude, how pent up were you?''\n\n``Sorry. I didn't think there's be this much!'' Hameron could only watch in mortified horror as his load thoroughly glazed the donkey. When the last spurt dribbled from his cock, he said: ``Well, t-th-think on the bright side. It's better to have that happen before showering, right? I still wish we'd showered beforehand, though. This is really disgusting, and we could always shower again later.'' He gagged again, dribbling puke onto her crotch. ``Oh, God... are you guys happy now? I lost my virginity. It's gone, ruined, and I have to live with my first time being this disaster instead of a romantic date! I'm naked and covered in filth like a real pig, right? Can I go to bed now?''\n\nHe saw that Hamilton was sprawled on a lawn chair, snoring loudly. Hamish scratched his rear end and belched. ``Huh? Yeah, everyone leaving kinda killed the vibe. Man, great party though, right? And you're welcome! Good night, little bro!''\n\n``Yeah. Night, Hamish.'' Hameron ducked into the house, leading the hobbled, dripping donkey. ``I hope they have the worst hangovers of their lives,'' he muttered. He undid the soaked, sticky knots hobbling her with some difficulty. ``Come on, let's go clean up.'' He opened the bathroom and was hit with a putrid wall of stench that brought tears to his eyes. There was a brown puddle all over the floor from the stained, brimming toilet. The bath mat was saturated. And as for the shower... he waded into the filthy puddle and drew back the shower curtain dramatically. ``Oh, no!'' he wailed. ``They were right. What a disaster! It'll take all night to clean this up, and we'll never get clean!'' he stumbled dejectedly back out. ``I'm sorry, Jen. I think whoever comes to pick you up tomorrow morning's going to get a nasty surprise. Hey, do they have showers at your petting zoo? Do you think they'd let a customer use them?'' Then he remembered something. ``Wait a minute! I have an En Suite! We're saved! I'm so glad I designed this house to withstand both wolves and inconsiderate brothers! My room and my bathroom are both off limits to guests! And I've got the key right in my...'' he felt for his pants pocket, then remembered he was no longer wearing them. ``Shit!''\n\n``What?''\n\n``I'm not wearing any pants! I don't have the key to my room!'' he squealed.\n\n``I guess we're stuck with this bathroom,'' said Jen. ``Let me see. Maybe it's not that bad.'' She peeked inside. ``Oh my God!'' she immediately gagged on the wall of stench wafting out of it. ``Wait don't shut the door I'm gonna puke!''\n\n``No! You really don't wanna go in there!'' Hameron warned her, but she pushed past him, stumbling into the bathroom and wading into the puddle of shit water.\n\n``It's the toilet or the floor!'' She stared at the toilet in horror. ``Never mind!'' she groaned. Her cheeks bulged out. The donkey tried to let loose in the tub instead, but didn't quite make it in time. A torrent of puke splattered all over the floor and the rim of the tub before she got her face over it and spewed. ``Uuurrrgghlggg...'' She spat in the tub and turned around. She'd recovered a little, but now Hameron felt like puking again.  She looked at the violated commode. ``Wow, they really did a number on that toilet,'' she said. ``You can't even plunge that without overflowing it even more.''\n\nHameron was busy having post traumatic flashbacks. ``It's horrible!'' he said with knocking knees. ``This reminds me of when I used to get swirlies in high school!''\n\n``They gave you swirlies in toilets like this?'' Jen asked with sympathy and shock. ``That's nasty! The worst I ever got was a yellow one!''\n\nHameron nodded tearfully. Then, to his horror, the donkey stepped up to the toilet.\n\n``I think this is the kinda thing where it's better to give than to receive,'' she said with a shudder. The toilet was overflowing with feces and used toilet paper. ``Think this'd help you get over your repressed trauma?''\n\n``I can't do that to you! That's disgusting!''\n\n``It's pretty rancid, but the guy who clogged it force fed me his shit anyway, so it can't get any worse for me... ha! Look at you, you're rock hard again!'' She hiccupped, and backed her rump unsteadily against him.\n\n``I don't know about this...'' said Hameron. But he'd never been on the other end of a swirlie before. Maybe it was fun. The beers still infiltrating his system made the decision for him.\n\nOne minute later, Jen was up to her eyeballs in the filthy toilet water while he plowed her from behind. He was holding her head down. She gulped down the putrid sewage like she'd walked twenty miles through the desert and this was her only source of drinking water. Once she'd lowered the level enough, he reached over her head, shoved her snout right down into the exit hole, and flushed. Murky shit water swirled and foamed around the struggling donkey. The toilet flooded and overflowed again.\n\n``Wow,'' slurred Hameron, ``You were right: it really does make me feel better!''\n\nAnother minute later, the donkey was apologizing profusely while Hameron mopped up the latest spill with sopping hand towels. He threw them in the ruined tub. She volunteered to lower the water level again so Hameron could plunge the toilet, but even with her chugging another gallon of nauseating poop water, there was no salvaging it. The bathtub drain seemed to respond, but the tub itself was still completely disgusting and so was the rest of the bathroom. Showering in there would be pointless because they'd have to wade through filth to escape.\n\n``Fuck my life,'' said the dejected pig. ``I'm going to have to call a plumber. Oh man the plumbers are gonna stereotype me and think I live like this because I'm a pig! This is so embarrassing!'' he fretted. ``Shit. I think I need another beer to cope!''\n\nHameron and Jen trudged out out of the bathroom, back outside. They left a trail of dirty hoofprints and slimy brown drips behind them. Outside, Hameron poured himself another mug. He'd just finished chugging it when he spotted some forlorn fabric lying on his patio. ``My pants!'' he squealed. He rifled through the pockets, and pulled out none other than: ``My keys were in my pants pocket this whole time? Are you kidding me?'' he ground his teeth in rage. ``Gaaaah! Maybe this was too many beers!'' He looked at his brothers, who were now both passed out and snoring. ``On the other hoof, won?t they be pretty mad if they wake up and the keg's empty? There's not much left!''\n\n``I'll help finish it off!'' said Jen. ``I know I drank a lot of toilet water, but I think there's room.'' A loud pattering sound distracted her. Hamish had started peeing in his sleep. A pale stream spattered the patio, spreading into a relatively clean puddle. Jen waddled over, wrapped her lips around his sausage, and started gulping it down. Hameron gagged.\n\n``You don't have to do that anymore. It's not your problem if they piss themselves!'' he said. He really had to pee too. Really, really badly. He had a sudden mental image of the donkey staring up at him while she sucked it all down right from his shaft. He felt all flustered. No! He had the key to the bathroom, he'd use the toilet like a civilized pig. Even if she liked it. Did she really enjoy this? Maybe if she asked nicely... fuck, he needed another beer to calm his nerves.\n\nTen minutes later, the pig and donkey staggered into the house again. Hameron had felt too queasy after two more beers, but Jen had drained another mug even after drinking Hamish's entire bladder, and Hameron poured the remaining dregs of booze out to spite his brothers. ``Thank god that's over!'' Hameron slurred. ``Now, we can take a shower in a nice, clean bathroom.''\n\nJen's stomach rumbled. ``Uhh, about that,'' she said. She grimaced in discomfort and clamped her tail down. ``There's something you need to take care of first if you want it to stay clean.''\n\n``Putting down plastic sheets on the floor so we don't track this everywhere? I'd love to, but I'm a mess too. Look at me! We'll have to just walk carefully and try not to drip too much.''\n\n``Not that, you doofus pig!'' Jen turned around and showed him her ass. The plug was bulging out now, but still held firm. ``I haven't had a bathroom break this entire shift! And after everything they made me eat and drink, believe me, when this comes out it's gonna be bad! Clear a five yard radius behind me bad! And I know you two legged types never have toilets for four legged people in your houses, and I've had way too much of that beer to aim. Clogging it's the least of your worries! Unless you'd rather have me use the shower, but do you know how hard it is to wafflestomp a blocked shower drain with hooves?''\n\n``No,'' Hameron said with an appalled gulp.\n\n``Me neither, but unless you wanna find out, your bathroom's not the place to pull this plug, and if you wait much longer it's gonna come out on its own, like a cannonball!''\n\n``Oh, God, I hadn't thought of that! Do you want to use the other bathroom? You can't make it any worse!''\n\n``I have a better idea,'' she said. Hameron didn't like the look on her face. The donkey grabbed his tail in her jaws and tugged.\n\n``Ooowwchh! Stop that! I don't have anything shoved up my backside! You're biting the real thing!''\n\n``Then come on.'' She led him into the disaster area of a living room. The furniture was such a mess. Beer, sauces, crumbs, and vomit were spilled all over the couch, as well as Hameron's recliner and ottoman. There was even a slice of pizza stuck to a couch cushion. Hameron started to hyperventilate again, mumbling about how everything was ruined and he was going to murder his brothers. Jen pushed him backward onto the sticky, puke soaked recliner and started to clamber on top of him.\n\n``Wait! What are you doing?'' he squealed.\n\n``You're gonna pull this plug out, and you're gonna be under me while you do it!'' she said with a lecherous smirk. ``Hic! What's wrong, little pig? I saw that boner you got when I was talking about destroying your bathroom! I think you've got more in common with your brothers than you're willing to admit.'' Hameron gulped. His throbbing erection brushed against her bloated, rumbling belly. ``You're such a doormat you just let them put me through all this shit on your behalf... well now you're gonna see how it feels!'' Her hot, fetid breath washed over his face, reeking of stale beer and sewage.\n\n``I... not here!'' he said.\n\n``Then where? The downstairs bathroom, or your nice clean one? You better choose before I dent the drywall with this plug!''\n\n``It's not drywall, it's plaster over brick! Completely structurally sound!'' he argued. Lying down in that filthy tub was inconceivable, but she really would destroy his bathroom if she let loose with the contents of her horrifically bloated gut.\n\n``Your chair's a writeoff anyway,'' Jen said. She was completely filthy, dripping disgusting liquids on him. She slid her hoof down his chest to his belly, and his aching, aching bladder. ``Ooof!'' he grunted. ``Wait! I just remembered, I haven't used the bathroom all night! I really need to pee!''\n\n``Don't worry,'' Jen said. ``You'll be fine. You can't pee with a boner.'' She turned around and straddled him. Her hindquarters trembled. She sniffed his dick, and gagged. ``If you're worried we could do this in your shower if you really want, though. I'm gonna turn it into a pigsty, so you won't have to worry about pretending you don't pee in it. Everyone does it even if they won't admit it.''\n\n``I do not pee in the shower! That's unsanitary!'' Hameron said. Jen didn't reply, instead sliding her drooling lips over his pork sausage. Her rump loomed disastrously over him. Her real tail swished excitedly. The limp hairy one on the colossal buttplug brushed over Hameron's face. The toy was holding firm, but only just. It bulged and tremored. The donkey's derriere was stretched wide as her sphincter threatened to give way. Her stomach clenched.\n\n``HHHNNNNNNGG!!! HEE HAW, HEE HAW!'' she brayed. Drool rained from her mouth. ``I can't take it anymore! Pull it out!''\n\n``I - I don't know about this!'' Hameron said with a fearful gulp. SSPPLQQRQQRPPPLLPPTT... Something brown and frothy started to leak past the plug. It dribbled down Jen's legs and dripped on Hameron's face. ``Yuck!''\n\n``Hurry up! My stomach's really fed up with this now!'' she brayed. Hameron reluctantly took hold of the fake tail, twining the slippery, filth soaked hair around his trotters. He tugged gently, then harder. Jen brayed a bellow of pain. The ass's hole stretched to an unbelievable size. She sobbed and pawed at the towels. ``Aaargh! It hurts!  It's a good thing all the king's horses loosened me up yesterday!''\n\nThen, with an almighty SCHLORRPP!  The titanic toy came free. Along with it came a lot of gooey brown paste that splatted down on Hameron. ``Yeuchh!!'' he cried, ``This is horrible! Oh shit, this was a bad idea! Maybe if you do it in my lap?''\n\nBut there was no saving him now. With the behemoth blockage in the burro's bunghole finally removed, there was no hope of her resisting her cramping intestines. With a grunt of discomfort, she squatted and began to empty her bowels all over the doomed pig below, ignoring his squeals of distress. She expelled another glob of filth that the plug had long since squished into oblivion, then a girthsome freight train of heavy balls of manure thundered from her ruined rectum, rolling off Hameron's head and mounding up around him in sticky, clumping masses. Clatterous, cheek rippling outbursts of swampy gas sent lumps of waste blasting against the wall of the arms of the easy chair. Poorly digested hay blown skyward by the equine's unbearable eruptions floated down on them. Hameron held his breath and tried not to suffocate on Jen's muggy farts, but her ass was relentless.\n\n``Help!'' he wailed. But there was no one around to hear him. He doubted his brothers would save him even if they woke up from their stupor. ``It's horrible! What have you been eating?''\n\n``Do you really want a list?'' Jen grunted. Another avalanche of excrement spilled from under her tail. Her stomach gurgled wetly. Her shit was getting soft and clotting together in sticky masses that began to pile up on Hameron's face. ``Ooohhhf... I wasn't exactly in charge of my diet tonight either, so blame your brothers for this, not me!'' Coils of putrid fudge slid down his snout and cheeks. ``Fuck... I can't stop. Sorry, little pig, I think you'll have to eat up like I did if you don't want to get buried.''\n\nBBGGLURRRGGGGHHTT. A sodden fart speckled Hameron's face with more donkey dung. Her hole opened to baseball size and several big wet, slimy turds tumbled out. Then, to the poor pig's dismay, the bloated burro's behind suddenly erupted with a cacophonous cavalcade of soft, clumpy waste that reeked of cheap beer and bad party food. Outlandish amounts of hot, creamy muck expelled from her cramping gut in dreadful, splortchy gouts of greasy, pulpsome slop that was fit only for pigs to eat. The tragedy was, of course, that poor Hameron was a pig, and though he would usually never have dared to ingest such repellant substances as fresh donkey shit, he didn't have a choice before long because she'd literally buried his entire face, snout and all, in the growing dung heap. He struggled, flailed, and held his breath as long as he could, but there was no hope for him. He had to breathe. He let her shit avalanche into his mouth, wincing and gagging as he chewed the hideous, squelchsome crap.\n\nJen was multitasking: at one end, she was lovingly sucking the pig's pecker. At the other end, she was still disgorging the most abominable bowel movement of her entire life, heedless of her lover being smothered.\n\n``Ullgghhh... this is horrible!'' Hameron sobbed as he choked down another mouthful of wet, pulpy donkey shit. His stomach was filling with the reviled waste. BLUTTSCHPP! Something abominably runny splashed his forehead. ``Stop!''\n\nJen lifted her head up, dripping pre.\n\n``That's not what I meant! I don't care if you keep sucking, but UUGLGLOOOMMFFF!'' An unstoppable barrage of filth battered him down into the pillows. His face was covered in it. This was the most disgusting thing he'd ever experienced. It tasted so awful! His heart pounded with terrified, revolted arousal as the weight of dung burying his head increased. This was an undignified position for an educated professional pig to be in! He was reduced to a toilet, wallowing around in the muck, and forced to eat right from another animal's bottom. He forced himself to swallow another gulp of warm, slimy donkey dung, and wiped the grimy sludge away from his nose. Hameron snorted and spluttered. He could hear her moaning through a mouthful of pork sausage as she unloaded her mistreated bowels on him. Her dirty lips caressing his meat felt so good. What she was doing to him was vile and disgusting, but suddenly he could feel his anxiety melting away.\n\nShe was right. He refused to admit it to himself, and mostly he felt sorry for the poor donkey, guilty for her cruel fate, and fearful for his homeowner's insurance premiums, but it had aroused him watching this. He'd enjoyed giving her that swirlie. Maybe he was no better than his brothers, despite how hard he'd tried to rise above the family reputation. He was nothing more than a lowly, filthy, dirty pig. A pig who belonged in the mud and sludge. His stomach was getting so full.\n\nHe hadn't really tried to stop her, had he? He'd just argued about where to do it, but he'd accepted that he deserved to be under her, suffering the horrific consequences of her being fed all kinds of revolting substances all night. Under an incontinent petting zoo donkey. The arms of his recliner were holding her waste and letting it build up in a huge pile, turning it into just the disgusting pigsty Hameron belonged in.\n\nHameron was mindlessly stuffing himself with her poop now, greedily shoveling her waste into his mouth. He'd always had a stress eating problem, and the internal conflict between his cultured persona and his long repressed piggy nature was making him lose all control. Or maybe he really was enjoying it. Hameron's loins started to buck and spurt, spewing hot hog spunk into Jen's mouth.\n\n``Careful, little pig, you might stain your chair with this!'' she said, pulling back and letting his load splash all over her filthy face. Hameron just moaned and reared up from the dung heap, snorting and snuffling between her haunches in an instinctive drive to pleasure his partner. She put all her weight on him, plunging him back down into the warm, squishy embrace of the seat cushion and the behemothic mountain of shit piled on it. Her rump squelched deep into the pile, smothering Hameron. He could feel his cum still fountaining high into the air. Jen was playing with it, slurping and batting at his dick like a cat. His lips wrapped around her sputtering donut. Foul air hissed into his mouth, bulging his cheeks like a balloon. Then a salvo of wet, greasy shit blasted his palate with a gruesome SSPPWWRBB-PPRORRRTTCHHH! His mouth filled with gooey, clogging waste, too thick for him to swallow. With his last spurt, she gulped it down and lifted up with a squelch, dripping gooey muck from her legs.\n\n``Fuck,'' she gasped. She looked back at him, half buried in her shit. ``Wow. See? I told you I'd clog your toilet.''\n\n``You clogged me instead,'' moaned Hameron. His stomach was bursting with her waste. He felt quite nauseous, just from the sheer pressure.\n\n``Clogged?'' she said. She clamped her tail down over her butt. Her stomach gurgled noisily. It was still almost as bloated as before. ``Uh oh. This is a really bad time for that, because I can't hold this back.'' The last thing Hameron saw was a crackling brown mass forcing its way past her tail and plopping down on his face before she groaned, squatted, and her asshole opened, disgorging a muddy avalanche that buried him in seconds.\n\nThe next thing he saw after that was a filthy, shit-caked tongue, snout, and lips. ``Sorry,'' Jen said, and belched. ``I don't think beer and nachos were a good idea, my butt's really out of control tonight.''\n\n``Did you just... eat me free?'' Hameron said.\n\n``Yeah.'' Jen lifted her tail, and more dung plopped onto Hameron's crotch. ``Why? Did you want it all to yourself? Greedy pig.'' She prodded his stomach with a hoof, making him gag. ``Don't worry, it's gonna come back out one way or another, but if you want another helping already...'' she turned around and straddled him again.\n\n``Wait!'' cried Hameron. ``I'm stuffed! I can't eat another bite!'' but the donkey was already defecating. Her hole stretched almost as wide as the plug, and a megalithic log of knobbly, fibrous impacted shit slowly slid out of her. It broke under its own weight and crashed down on Hameron's face. With it out of the way, softer muck flowed out faster and faster, cascading down in mushy, sticky coils and steaming masses of crap.\n\nJen huffed and brayed as her bowels forcefully evacuated themselves. ``If you get buried again there's still room in my stomach, but I'm not responsible for whatever's behind me while I'm eating,'' she said. ``I don't know how long it's gonna be -'' GGGGLLLGLLGRRUUGGLLULLLLGGGLLLL. Her stomach interrupted loudly and rudely. The donkey shivered, and pulled her tail aside. Muggy gas spewed from her pucker, then that most impolite of orifices was abruptly barged open. A soft, gooey projectile splatted behind Hameron, then most appalling of all, a dark brown jet of pure diarrhea sprayed the back of the recliner like a super soaker filled with chocolate syrup. Liquid shit splattered everywhere, including raining down on Hameron. ``Solid!''\n\n``Stop! My living room!'' he squealed. Jen tried to clamp her tail down when the next wave of cramps hit her, but it just turned her butt from a hose into a sprinkler. Faced with further defiling of his living room, Hameron rashly pulled her down on top of him and tried to contain the fecal faucet with his snout. Nauseating swamp gas with a mist of filth sprayed into his mouth, making him gag, then the floodgates opened again. Hot, greasy, and unfathomably foully flavored donkey diarrhea flooded his mouth to the brim, overflowing everywhere as he slurped and gulped the putrid sludge stream down in vain. ``Fuckgllck! This is vile.'' Despite his words, he was rock hard from the product of her digestive distress pouring out all over him. She finally regained control of her bowels and stood up. ``Ptoo!'' Hameron spat out the last mouthful of liquid shit. The donkey turned around and started licking his face, but his stomach was too full and her breath was too foul. Much like the toilet overflowing during her swirlie, Hameron erupted in a thick geyser of sewery puke. The liquid had saturated the recliner and was now overflowing off it, all over the floor.\n\n``Sorry. I didn't mean to back you up this badly.'' The donkey looked sheepish at the disaster she'd caused. Just like the clogged toilet, Hameron had overflowed all over the floor. ``Maybe we should've done this in your shower after all.''\n\nA few minutes later, the pair stumbled into Hameron's bedroom, giggling and belching. Jen had her tail stuffed as far up her own ass as it would go to try to reduce the leakage, but both of them were still dripping heavily. Hameron threw some blankets and towels from the linen closet on the shower floor to make it softer, and lay down. The walk-in shower had its floor a step below the rest of the bathroom, so even if the drain clogged, it wouldn't flood everything else. Hameron's bladder was completely bursting now. He looked at the toilet long and longingly, but Jen tugged him into the shower and shut the door. She pushed him over onto the pillows like the pushover he was and straddled him. Her tail slipped out of her anus, soaked with liquid shit. It was holding back an enormous, disgracefully splortchy mudslide of soft, goopy manure. She buried his crotch in dung in seconds, leaving just the tip of his cock poking out, then sat down on it and mounted him in reverse cowgirl with a gruesome squelch. Then SPLUUUBBTTT! A shocking outburst of noxious, gassy, lumpy diarrhea spray painted Hameron from belly button to head, and sprayed the whole wall of the shower with shit.\n\n``Eww!'' Hameron gave her rump a smack. ``It's all over the bathroom already!''\n\nJen indignantly backed her booty up and hovered menacingly over Hameron's face. ``Oh I'm sorry, did you want me to try and keep the mess contained?'' Without waiting for an answer she sat down on the pig's face and sharted vigorously. Sadly, with so much liquid courage in him, he was no longer able to lie about how much he liked big butts, no matter how unsanitary they or their owners were. He obediently began to lick and slurp at her splattery donut, grunting and oinking like the dirty little pig he was. The donkey unloaded pound after pound of mush, sucking his cock at the same time. Then, after she pushed out another dozen grapefruit sized turds, the swelling in her bowels pressing on her urethra finally went down, and there was no stopping the flood. FFWWSSSSHHH! A sudden torrent of salty, barnyard smelling and tasting urine surged from her folds, completely inundating Hameron. Jen almost cried with relief.\n\n``Oh, thank heavens! I would've pissed myself hours ago, but it wouldn't come out!'' she moaned. Her tail curled up and her loins quivered as the cataract of recycled beer (lots of it recycled twice) threatened to drown the unfortunate pig below. But it was actually a refreshing palate cleanser after the vile substances she'd been feeding him directly from her ass. He slurped and gulped, tickling her lower lips as he chugged the warm geyser. She was still sucking. But with this sudden influx of liquid, Hameron's bladder couldn't take it anymore either. He tried to hold it in, but a surprise fountain leapt up into the donkey's mouth.\n\nShe brayed with surprise and laughed. ``See? I knew you peed in the shower!'' She started drinking. Pee gushed from them and into them in an endless circle. The blankets were soon saturated with livestock urine. The drain was clogged with a shitty towel. They kept drinking, and drinking, and drinking, but their inhumanely pent up bladders weren't even close to running dry.\n\nHameron had a devilish idea. He wiggled out from under Jen and showered her in piggy piss while she struggled to hold her own in. Then he mounted her, penetrated her anus, and released into her. It wasn't easy peeing at half mast, but there was still so much pressure inside him, gushing out, filling her up.\n\n``Aren't I bloated enough already?'' she complained.\n\nOf course, he paid for that, dearly. She pinned him down and let loose with a firehose of urine mixed with liquid shit. Hameron had to chug his own filthy piss enema until his stomach nearly burst. Lumps of slimy half dissolved waste battered him relentlessly amidst a geyser of muddy fluids. She let him up, only to soak the blankets with a heavy gush of diarrhea and lie down in her own filth, writhing and wallowing in it. Hameron's gut suddenly cramped. His asshole clenched and burned. The toilet was far away outside the shower. The drain was clogged. There was only one thing he could do.\n\n``Seriously, fuck you,'' Jen grumbled. ``The last thing my stomach needs is more pigshit. But I guess I'm contractually obligated to rim you no matter what.'' She let him squat over her and licked his taint until he unleashed a horrendous mudslide of piggy pudding. After choking about half of it down, she forced him down into the other half. ``That tasted horrible. You don't get to complain about anything I feed you after that,'' she said, and sat down on his face.\n\nSoon Hameron's mouth was too full to complain. Soft, gloppy manure was coming out of her ass like a faucet. She buried his cock, then his chest, then mercilessly unloaded a titanic bowel movement of grotesquely greasy sludge onto his face. Try as he might to keep up, the onslaught of heavy, cloying manure mixed with the most deplorably unhealthy outbursts of runny poop spewing out of her bottom was just too catastrophically copious. It mounded up around his head, slowly burying him. Luckily, her appetite for her shit was just as voracious as his.\n\nBut I'm sad to say this story doesn't have a happy ending. It has a crappy ending. For you see, though both the third little pig and the dirty donkey were talking animals, such filthy acts soon reduced them to mere beasts. Hameron's shower was no longer a place of cleanliness, it was now the revolting pigsty he was always destined to end up in, and Jen was no better than their client. They pissed, shit, and puked on and in each other. Giggling and belching, they rolled and wrestled in the muck. They slurped it from the ground. Jen sprayed the walls with explosive diarrhea and they both licked it off. Hameron scooped massive piles of the dirty donkey's manure into her mouth, stuffing her face with it. They could no longer speak, instead braying, oinking and squealing like the unhygienic barnyard animals they were. Their minds were long gone.\n\nAt least, that's the ending this story would have if it were written by one of those annoyingly depressing fairy tale authors. The truth is, they did all of those depraved, unhygienic things, but they didn't revert to beasts out of some universal justice for their perverted actions. They were just really drunk. So the debaucherous donkey and the perverse pig fell asleep after a while, cuddling in a quagmire of excrement, and they woke up still in that quagmire, but with really bad hangovers.\n\n``Oh my god,'' Hameron groaned. ``What happened last night?''\n\nJen sat up and shook herself, sending clumps of caked on manure everywhere. She stared at the aftermath of the devastating craptastrophe. ``We got shitfaced.'' Hameron smushed a handful of dung in her face as revenge for that pun. ``Fuck me. This is the last time I drink on the job.''\n\nBut after cleaning themselves up that morning, and then handing the even more hung over Hamish and Hamilton mops and buckets and making them clean up the aftermath of the party, Jen and Hameron had time to think about their night of drunken debauchery, and they both realized they really enjoyed it.\n\n``Fuck this shit, I'm calling in sick today,'' Jenny said after blasting Hameron's toilet with diarrhea for the fifth time that morning. ``And I've decided I really need to set better boundaries at work. I literally let the clients shit on me last night.''\n\n``And I let my brothers throw a huge party and trash my house, when they're not even paying rent!'' Hameron grumbled while he helped Jen wipe. ``Well, now I'm done being a pushover! I'm evicting those dumb jerks!''\n\n``Maybe I should try a 4 day work week. But if I go down to part time I can't stay at the petting zoo on my days off. I'll have to get my own place. Man, it's gonna be really hard finding anywhere in this city with cheap rent that's not a total pigsty. No offense.'' Jen grinned innocently.\n\n``Okay, I can take a hint. You can stay here once I kick my brothers out. But I'm not accepting sexual favors in place of rent, even if you are a professional. That's a complete violation of landlord ethics. I don't want a power imbalance like that in our relationship, not to mention the tax implications -''\n\nJen put a hoof on his chest. ``Who said anything about sexual favors? I don't mix business and pleasure.''\n\n``I'm not quite sure what that means.''\n\n``It means I'll move in with you under one condition. I'll pay enough rent to replace whatever both your brothers were paying. I'll sign a lease and everything.''\n\n``B-but I haven't been charging them any!'' Hameron stammered.\n\n``Replacing two freeloading roommates with one's a pretty good deal for you then, isn't it?'' the donkey said with a grin. ``But I wasn't finished. I'll cut my hours to... shit, if I've only gotta cover groceries I can do three nights a week. The other four? I'm not a professional petting zoo donkey when I'm off the clock, right?''\n\n``Right, that's what I'm say-''\n\n``I'm just a regular donkey. A regular, slutty, horny, dirty farm animal'' She scrunched up her face. SPPPBLLBLAARRRTTT. Hameron's handful of toilet paper was suddenly soaked in hot, gooey sludge. He stared at the dripping brown mess covering his hand. Jen leaned in and kissed him. ``Your slutty, dirty farm animal, that you can do whatever degrading, disgusting, filthy things you want to. You can hobble me, tie me up, put me in blinders, destroy me with unreasonably large buttplugs, make me live in a stall in your backyard that you never muck out, you name it. Anything goes, everything your brothers and all your friends did last night.''\n\n``That just sounds like the same deal,'' Hameron protested. ``There has to be something in it for you that's totally unrelated to the free room and board!''\n\nJen leaned in harder, pushing him over with a hoof. ``Don't worry, I was getting to that. Your end of the deal is, when you come home you're not a professional tax accountant either. You're going to spend those four nights a week acting like the depraved, shameless, filthy little pig I know you are. You're going to spank me, pull my mane and tail, ravage me, cum on me, piss on me, puke on me, and shit on me without mercy, and feed me disgusting, unhealthy slop until I explode from both ends!'' She grabbed Hameron's t-shirt, dragged him into the shower, and heaved the weakly protesting pig into the puddle of fresh waste she'd spewed all over it. It immediately started soaking through his shirt. ``But that also means you'll wallow in your pigsty and eat your slop without squealing too much, and you won't get squeamish about where you put that dirty pig snout no matter how messy I am. Deal?'' She clopped into the filthy shower and straddled him. Her hindquarters loomed over his face, still dripping with liquid shit. Hameron knew this was just the kind of horrors he was in store for if he said yes. But as Jen had just proven yet again, he was quite literally a pushover.\n\n``Can't we just have one night of relaxing and watching movies or other normal couple bonding, and three nights of unspeakable coprophilic debauchery?'' he pleaded.\n\n``Yeah, I guess so. But I'll be holding all this in for the next night,'' she promised. Then she lowered her nauseating, filth caked hips down onto him. Hameron snorted and snuffled, slurping and licking every inch of his true love's shitty ass, until another wave hit her and vile, runny manure, fit only for pigs or certain naughty donkeys, poured into his mouth like a faucet, filling him to the brim, and he started peeing up into her face.\n\nAfter that? The Third Little Pig and the Dirty Donkey both lived happily ever after. So did the one wolf at the party who decided drinking strangers' urine for money wasn't such a bad career after all. Even the Big Bad Wolf turned his life around after he got out of prison, and went into a new line of work demolishing condemned buildings. As for the First Little Pig and the Second Little Pig, they got kicked out and had to get real jobs. Hamish and Hamilton ended up working retail, which is a perfectly respectable line of work, don't get me wrong, but they soon learned that messy, inconsiderate, piggish behavior wasn't so funny when they were the ones who had to clean up after thoughtless customers.\n\nAnd Jen and Hameron? Well, eventually Jen quit her job, went back to school, and got a job as a civil servant enforcing worker rights laws. After a few years they got married due to the tax benefits of filing jointly, but on Friday nights they can often be found in the dirtiest, filthiest sex clubs in all the land. Jen still likes to be hobbled, stuffed with impractically large toys and impractically greasy bar food, and made to service dozens of unhygienic strangers until she's wallowing in semen, vomit, piss and shit, while Hameron is tied up and made to watch her be defiled, then thrown down in the mess with her for Jen to have her way with. As for Hameron's brick house, mostly they keep it clean, but they've converted one of the spare bedrooms into a pigsty.\n\n[i]The End[/i]"
}

{
  "description": "In this filthy fairy tale, a talking donkey who works at a mobile petting zoo for adults only gets hired to work a birthday party. Her clients are none other than the Three Little Pigs. The older two have hired her for their brother's surprise birthday party without his knowledge, and the third pig is none too happy about it. His brothers and the guests they invited turn the house into a pigsty, and the hapless donkey faces one of the dirtiest jobs of her career.\n\nThis story is a request for @DylanDice . It took a bit of brainstorming and negotiation to come up with an idea we were both happy with: the original request was for a story with the donkey from Shrek and Spider Ham. I wasn't comfortable doing scat smut of those characters but it got me thinking about fairy tale parodies, and I'm so happy he said yes to this absurd premise! The requester isn't into female excretion, so what we agreed on is splitting this story into two parts: part 1 is just the donkey gal getting used as a toilet and some vomiting of the foul substances she's fed. Part 2, just for my self indulgence, has her getting some much needed relief at the expense of the third little pig, but in the aftermath they both learn things about themselves and get in touch with their piggish sides.\n\nThe usual disclaimer applies that all characters are mental and physical adults and this is a work of absurd fantasy, not condoning real world bestiality or zoophilia and so on. Some extra warnings apply for this one: this story contains depictions of sex work, exploitative power dynamics, sex while heavily inebriated, characters performing sex acts they're uncomfortable with under various forms of peer pressure or financial duress, and other forms of questionable consent, use of oversized sex toys causing injury, as well as quasi-incest (siblings participating in an orgy together). Most of this isn't safe, sane, or consensual. None of this should be taken as condonement or endorsement of any of the acts depicted, and the narrative's commentary on it be shouldn't taken seriously either because this is a giant shitpost even by my standards. I was trying to parody fairy tales, dumb porn plot tropes, and the idea of using porn as social commentary itself while also doing a running gag of a narrator repeatedly putting irrelevant worldbuilding in a smut fic. You be the judge of whether I was on one too many levels of meta irony this time. I think it's still funny in a dark and deranged way, but I feel a little gross after writing it. I think I need to write some wholesome, loving, fully consensual piss or shit porn as a detox after this nonsense."
}

{
  "writing": "[b]Part 2[/b]\n\nWelcome back to a sordid and scatological story, a filthy fairy tale for grownups only: the story of one dirty donkey and three not so little pigs: An Ass Among Swine.\n\nWhere last we left off, the third little pig, Hameron, was feeling quite ungrateful to his brothers, Hamish and Hamilton, for the 21st birthday party they'd thrown him. They'd invited over a dozen of their own loud, obnoxious friends, gotten completely trashed and trashed Hameron's house, which though big bad wolf proof wasn't quite pig proof. Worst of all, they'd hired a donkey from a mobile Heavy Petting Zoo and done unspeakable, disgusting things to her which poor Hameron couldn't tear his eyes away from. Indeed, poor Jen was almost unrecognizable now: every inch of the miniature donkey's fur was hopelessly caked and slathered with messy party foods, beer, and worse, just about every unsanitary bodily fluid you could think of: she'd been cummed on, puked in, pissed on, and shat on in an obscene debacle of drunken debauchery that dragged on for hours. Her hooves were hobbled, her belly was bloated to such a horrifying size by the amounts of those nauseating substances she'd been force fed that it was almost dragging on the ground, and a second tail sprouted from underneath the real one courtesy of a game of Pin The Tail On the Donkey: they'd left the enormous buttplug with a glittery pink unicorn tail stuffed inside her, which was not only extremely uncomfortable but had looked totally ridiculous. Right now the sparkly hair was so bedraggled with filth that it was all brown, just like the rest of Jen. Both tails drooped forlornly.\n\nMost of the guests had left now, and Hamish and Hamilton went inside to bring out Hameron's birthday cake. He had no appetite after the things he'd seen, heard, and smelled that night. Now he was briefly alone with Jen. The donkey lay on her back, her gut bloated like a balloon with all the filth she'd swallowed, blowing feeble shit bubbles in the gloppy waste in her mouth. She struggled to her feet. ``What a night,'' she groaned. ``This is the worst thing that's ever happened to me! Oh my god I can't believe I ate literal shit!''\n\n``I can't believe it either,'' said the pig. ``I'm sorry about my brothers. They get a little out of control when they drink.''\n\n``Don't worry about it. Guess this is what happens when I drink on the job.'' She retched and heaved up a geyser of poop onto her hooves. ``Look what they've done to me.'' Jenny moaned. ``Are you happy now, birthday boy?''\n\n``Of course I'm not happy! This is the worst birthday ever, and my brothers have ruined some of my other birthdays really badly too! They never think of what I want. It's like they just plan a party for themselves. I'm such a push over. I wish I could kick them out, but after the whole Big Bad Wolf incident I can't.'' He clenched a piggy fist. ``But this is the last straw. Tomorrow morning I'm dragging them out of bed, hangover or not, and making them clean up this fucking mess, and if they don't have their own place in six months I'm really going to start charging rent this time!''\n\n``You really are a - hurk! Pushover!'' Jen said. ``And you better not be planning to leave me like this all night.''\n\n``What? Of course not, I wouldn't dream of it!'' he said. ``I'll clean you up first, don't worry.''\n\n``Not what I... meant!'' she groaned, but before Hameron could ask her to elaborate, his brothers stumbled back out the door, cheering: ``Cake! Cake! Cake! Cake!''\n\nIt wasn't the worst birthday cake Hameron had ever seen, but then again it was obviously store bought. It was tall, wide, round, and extremely pink. The words ``Happy Birthday Harry'' were written on it in icing. Five candles stuck out at haphazard angles, dripping wax all over the icing. Hameron sighed and braced himself for disappointment. Hamish put the cake on the table where he sat. The younger pig ground his teeth as his brothers blundered blusterously through a hideous rendition of `Happy Birthday' that defied all notions of key and tempo. If they didn't keep starting over one of the candles was going to collapse. After a while he gave up and blew them all out. Hamish and Hamilton stopped singing and cheered. ``Happy birthday man! We love... we love ya, you know that?'' the eldest pig slurred.\n\n``Uhh... thanks, guys. I guess this isn't that bad. Is it pink lemonade cake with strawberry icing? I'm impressed you remembered I like it!'' he said. Maybe he'd eat one piece to be polite and hide the rest somewhere until he finished cleaning up the donkey. She probably deserved a piece after everything she'd been through, but there was no way she had any appetite right now. He plucked the candles out one by one and set them on the table. ``I haven't had that much beer, so I'll cut it even though I'm the birthday boy. Did anybody get a cake knife?'' he said.\n\nThen SPLATTT! Hamish grabbed the back of Hameron's head and smashed his face into the cake. Icing and mushy cake went everywhere. The older pigs burst out laughing. Hameron lifted his face from the cake. ``Why am I not surprised? You guys were always such... such jokers... Oh my God I hate this family!'' he tasted a little of the cake. ``What is this? It tastes like cold medicine.''\n\n``We got you your favorite bro! Carrot cake with cherry icing!''\n\n``And we made sure it has raisins! Your favorite!''\n\nThat was the last straw. Hameron seethed with anger. ``Carrot cake is my least favorite flavor! I hate it!'' he cried. ``I like raisins in cookies, not in cake, I hate cherry icing, and... who the fuck would put cherry icing on a carrot cake? That's the worst combination of flavors imaginable!'' He jumped to his feet. ``I knew it. You assholes are the worst brothers in the world! You don't care about me and what I want at all, and you don't even know me! You only got this cake because you forgot to get one and it was the last one on the shelf because nobody sane would buy this awful thing! But the joke's on you, because now you've finally made it so there's one good thing about this party! You didn't ruin a cake I actually liked with that stupid juvenile prank!'' Hameron quivered with anger. His eyes filled with tears. ``I hate you both so much! I... I wish I'd never taken you in after that wolf blew down your houses, that I warned you were too flimsy! Fuck you!''\n\nWith a righteous squeal, he flipped the table over, sending what was left of the cake crashing down on Jen's head. ``Oh shit! Sorry!''\n\nThe donkey blinked sympathetically. Globs of gooey cake slid down her head. ``Don't worry. It didn't make me any messier. Plus I'd react like that too if my family got me a carrot cake with cherry icing. Who even likes that flavor combo?''\n\n``It was on sale!'' said Hamilton. ``It was gonna expire because nobody bought it! But fine, if you don't appreciate all the effort we put into finding you a monogrammed cake!''\n\n``It had a whole name, not a monogram, and more importantly my name's not Harry!'' squealed Harry. I mean Hameron.\n\n``Whatever. Fine, if you don't want it.'' Hamilton scooped up some caked and ate it. ``Wow. You weren't kidding. This is really bad.''\n\n``Let me try,'' said Hamish. ``Aww, fuck. You're right. We better feed it to someone who appreciates it.''\n\n``What are you looking at me for?'' said the donkey. ``I hate carrot cake! It tastes like... who am I kidding, I just learned shit tastes way worse then carrot cake. Fine, I'll do my part to prevent food waste!''\n\nA few minutes later, most of the cake had been shoved into the donkey's mouth by Hamish and Hamilton. After being scooped off the ground or her face, it had some new frosting that definitely wasn't chocolate. Hameron almost puked just watching. But he forced himself to be strong just a little longer. ``G-great party guys!'' he said with a forced smile. ``Well, we've had cake, we've had presents, we've had games... everybody's left, so it's time for bed! Don't worry, you two can clean up every last bit of this mess in the morning while I visit the courthouse to file for an eviction!''\n\n``Huh? No, wait. Hang on, little bro, there's just one more thing.''\n\n``What's that? We've done everything AARRGH!'' Hameron squealed in surprise as his brothers grabbed his shoulders and shoved him hard, making him fall right on Jen! They tumbled to the ground in a filthy, embarrassed heap. There was shit, puke, and birthday cake everywhere! His clothes were ruined! ``Yuck! What the fuck, guys?''\n\n``I told you... We're making sure you enjoy yourself like a REAL pig tonight!'' Hamish grunted and belched loudly.\n\n``Yeah! You already insulted the cake I worked really hard on! You at least have to enjoy your present!''\n\n``You can't give a person as a present! Or an animal either!'' protested Hameron. He stared at the defiled donkey, inhaled, and gagged on the stench. ``My God, you're disgusting. Not you, personally, I mean. You are, at the moment, but it's their fault! I'm not saying I wouldn't be attracted to you if we met under better circumstances!''\n\nTo his surprise, Jen rolled her eyes. ``Dude, I appreciate that you're trying to be respectful, but I'm a professional. And a professional... always... oh fuck why did it have to be cherry - BLEEURRGGGLGLGHH!'' She vomited all over Hameron's chest, drenching his shirt in awful, slimy puke. ``Gets the job done,'' she finished weakly. ``Fuck this is such bad cake. Why would you make icing taste like cough syrup?''\n\n``You've been getting the job done all night! You're not contractually obligated to fuck every single guest, are you? Even if you are, your boss doesn't have to know!''\n\n``I don't care about my boss!'' Jen panted. She retched up some more of the horrible birthday cake. ``Fucking raisins. Listen... look at me! Look at what they've done to me! This is the worst night of my entire career! The only thing I have left is - is professional pride!'' the befouled burro blubbered.\n\n``I don't think you even have that,'' said Hameron. ``Weren't you drinking on the job?''\n\n``I have one tiny scrap left,'' she said with a sniffle. Her eyes suddenly narrowed. ``I have a rule. I don't let anyone leave one of my parties a virgin.''\n\n``Oh, fuck my life,'' Hameron groaned. He was drunk too. He'd had six cups of beer. Not to indulge himself, but to try to numb him to the horror going on around him and stave off the brewing panic attack. It wasn't helping, but it was clouding his judgement. ``Fine, if your last shred of dignity's on the line... the one thing that's gone right for me tonight is not seeing a good cake ruined, but you had to eat that atrocity.'' As well as gallons of cum, vomit, nachos, beer, piss, and shit, he thought. ``It's only fair if one thing goes right for you, I guess. But can't we do it after taking a shower?''\n\n``Not so fast,'' said Hamish. ``You've already pussied out all night! How do we know you won't do it again?'' He reached into the crate with all the toys that the petting zoo had sent with Jen, tossing aside one tail buttplug after another. ``Here!'' He lifted out a monolithic strapon, then some cuffs, more rope, and a ball gag that looked like an apple and would fit just right in a pig's mouth. ``It's our duty as your brothers to make sure you lose your virginity tonight, one way or another!''\n\nHameron was a pink pig, but the sight of those diabolical devices made him turn white as a sheet.\n\nHamilton added: ``You also might not wanna go in the bathroom. There's kind of a waffle stomp situation the guy who clogged the toilets didn't tell us about. It's pretty bad.''\n\n``I swear when this party's over, I'm busting that wolf out of jail,'' Hameron muttered. He despairingly took off his shirt, then pulled down his pants, then his underwear, exposing his piggy pecker. ``So how do we do this? On your back, or doggy - I mean donkey style?''\n\nHamish and Hameron had more beer. They chugged some, and poured some on Hameron. Then, laughing like fratboys, they shoved him onto his back and lifted Jen on top of him. To his surprise and shame, with the bloated, filthy donkey sitting on his crotch with an embarrassed expression, wriggling and shifting her weight around, he soon got hard. She lifted up a bit, then sat back down, and his dick slipped into a warm, gooey cavern.\n\nThis was not how he'd imagined his first time going. Not the position, he was pretty sure he was a bottom, but he'd tried to avoid it because the other problem: how gross Jen was. Slimy vomit and fecal matter were dripping off her filthy body onto him. Her bloated gut rumbled and sloshed up and down as she mounted him. Her front hooves slid on his chest in the mess. ``Whoa!'' she collapsed forward onto him. Her snout bumped right into his. Their lips touched.\n\n``Eww!'' Hameron squealed. ``Your mouth's nasty!''\n\n``Sorry!'' Jen sat back up and kept humping him. ``Do you want the strapon after all? I bet I can make you squeal, piggy!''\n\nHameron's cheeks flushed exactly like his toilets didn't. ``Please don't say things like that in front of my brothers!'' he whined.\n\n``Sorry. I... can't help it. You're kind of cute, in a pathetic loser way. You're so soft, and... pink... like cherry icing...'' Her eyes went wide. Her cheeks bulged out.\n\n``Oh, no...'' Hameron groaned. He shut his eyes and braced himself. A torrent of hot, lumpy vomit crashed down over his face. He heard Jen frantically apologizing, and his brothers laughing. Then she threw up again.\n\n``Stop!'' he gasped. ``Fuck! Maybe I should be on top!''\n\nBut to his dismay, Hameron found that the repetitive motion of thrusting really jostled his stomach, and he was too much of a lightweight for six beers. His stomach lasted only as long as his loins. He began to drool, dripping mucus and the donkey's own puke down on her. His groin tensed, he gagged, and began to spurt his load into her, to join dozens of others. He was putting his body where all his brothers and their unshowered friends had been. No! He had to ignore that, or he'd HHH-GLUULLLLLGGLLGLAARRRKKK! Too late. All over her.\n\n``That's nasty,'' said Jen. ``I've been puked on enough, you can be on the receiving end for once.''\n\nHameron opened his mouth to apologize, but instead he heaved up another wave of vomit right into the complaining donkey's open mouth.\n\n``Yuck!'' she gurgled. ``Mmm. You know what, this is actually better than that cake.'' Hameron staggered off her, but pig orgasms lasted a long time. Thick ropes of cum spurted out, spattering Jen in swine spooge. She tried to fend off the sticky projectiles with her hooves, but just ended up festooned with grimy ropes of testicular goo. ``Eww,'' she said as another jet of semen splashed her snout. ``Seriously, dude, how pent up were you?''\n\n``Sorry. I didn't think there's be this much!'' Hameron could only watch in mortified horror as his load thoroughly glazed the donkey. When the last spurt dribbled from his cock, he said: ``Well, t-th-think on the bright side. It's better to have that happen before showering, right? I still wish we'd showered beforehand, though. This is really disgusting, and we could always shower again later.'' He gagged again, dribbling puke onto her crotch. ``Oh, God... are you guys happy now? I lost my virginity. It's gone, ruined, and I have to live with my first time being this disaster instead of a romantic date! I'm naked and covered in filth like a real pig, right? Can I go to bed now?''\n\nHe saw that Hamilton was sprawled on a lawn chair, snoring loudly. Hamish scratched his rear end and belched. ``Huh? Yeah, everyone leaving kinda killed the vibe. Man, great party though, right? And you're welcome! Good night, little bro!''\n\n``Yeah. Night, Hamish.'' Hameron ducked into the house, leading the hobbled, dripping donkey. ``I hope they have the worst hangovers of their lives,'' he muttered. He undid the soaked, sticky knots hobbling her with some difficulty. ``Come on, let's go clean up.'' He opened the bathroom and was hit with a putrid wall of stench that brought tears to his eyes. There was a brown puddle all over the floor from the stained, brimming toilet. The bath mat was saturated. And as for the shower... he waded into the filthy puddle and drew back the shower curtain dramatically. ``Oh, no!'' he wailed. ``They were right. What a disaster! It'll take all night to clean this up, and we'll never get clean!'' he stumbled dejectedly back out. ``I'm sorry, Jen. I think whoever comes to pick you up tomorrow morning's going to get a nasty surprise. Hey, do they have showers at your petting zoo? Do you think they'd let a customer use them?'' Then he remembered something. ``Wait a minute! I have an En Suite! We're saved! I'm so glad I designed this house to withstand both wolves and inconsiderate brothers! My room and my bathroom are both off limits to guests! And I've got the key right in my...'' he felt for his pants pocket, then remembered he was no longer wearing them. ``Shit!''\n\n``What?''\n\n``I'm not wearing any pants! I don't have the key to my room!'' he squealed.\n\n``I guess we're stuck with this bathroom,'' said Jen. ``Let me see. Maybe it's not that bad.'' She peeked inside. ``Oh my God!'' she immediately gagged on the wall of stench wafting out of it. ``Wait don't shut the door I'm gonna puke!''\n\n``No! You really don't wanna go in there!'' Hameron warned her, but she pushed past him, stumbling into the bathroom and wading into the puddle of shit water.\n\n``It's the toilet or the floor!'' She stared at the toilet in horror. ``Never mind!'' she groaned. Her cheeks bulged out. The donkey tried to let loose in the tub instead, but didn't quite make it in time. A torrent of puke splattered all over the floor and the rim of the tub before she got her face over it and spewed. ``Uuurrrgghlggg...'' She spat in the tub and turned around. She'd recovered a little, but now Hameron felt like puking again.  She looked at the violated commode. ``Wow, they really did a number on that toilet,'' she said. ``You can't even plunge that without overflowing it even more.''\n\nHameron was busy having post traumatic flashbacks. ``It's horrible!'' he said with knocking knees. ``This reminds me of when I used to get swirlies in high school!''\n\n``They gave you swirlies in toilets like this?'' Jen asked with sympathy and shock. ``That's nasty! The worst I ever got was a yellow one!''\n\nHameron nodded tearfully. Then, to his horror, the donkey stepped up to the toilet.\n\n``I think this is the kinda thing where it's better to give than to receive,'' she said with a shudder. The toilet was overflowing with feces and used toilet paper. ``Think this'd help you get over your repressed trauma?''\n\n``I can't do that to you! That's disgusting!''\n\n``It's pretty rancid, but the guy who clogged it force fed me his shit anyway, so it can't get any worse for me... ha! Look at you, you're rock hard again!'' She hiccupped, and backed her rump unsteadily against him.\n\n``I don't know about this...'' said Hameron. But he'd never been on the other end of a swirlie before. Maybe it was fun. The beers still infiltrating his system made the decision for him.\n\nOne minute later, Jen was up to her eyeballs in the filthy toilet water while he plowed her from behind. He was holding her head down. She gulped down the putrid sewage like she'd walked twenty miles through the desert and this was her only source of drinking water. Once she'd lowered the level enough, he reached over her head, shoved her snout right down into the exit hole, and flushed. Murky shit water swirled and foamed around the struggling donkey. The toilet flooded and overflowed again.\n\n``Wow,'' slurred Hameron, ``You were right: it really does make me feel better!''\n\nAnother minute later, the donkey was apologizing profusely while Hameron mopped up the latest spill with sopping hand towels. He threw them in the ruined tub. She volunteered to lower the water level again so Hameron could plunge the toilet, but even with her chugging another gallon of nauseating poop water, there was no salvaging it. The bathtub drain seemed to respond, but the tub itself was still completely disgusting and so was the rest of the bathroom. Showering in there would be pointless because they'd have to wade through filth to escape.\n\n``Fuck my life,'' said the dejected pig. ``I'm going to have to call a plumber. Oh man the plumbers are gonna stereotype me and think I live like this because I'm a pig! This is so embarrassing!'' he fretted. ``Shit. I think I need another beer to cope!''\n\nHameron and Jen trudged out out of the bathroom, back outside. They left a trail of dirty hoofprints and slimy brown drips behind them. Outside, Hameron poured himself another mug. He'd just finished chugging it when he spotted some forlorn fabric lying on his patio. ``My pants!'' he squealed. He rifled through the pockets, and pulled out none other than: ``My keys were in my pants pocket this whole time? Are you kidding me?'' he ground his teeth in rage. ``Gaaaah! Maybe this was too many beers!'' He looked at his brothers, who were now both passed out and snoring. ``On the other hoof, won?t they be pretty mad if they wake up and the keg's empty? There's not much left!''\n\n``I'll help finish it off!'' said Jen. ``I know I drank a lot of toilet water, but I think there's room.'' A loud pattering sound distracted her. Hamish had started peeing in his sleep. A pale stream spattered the patio, spreading into a relatively clean puddle. Jen waddled over, wrapped her lips around his sausage, and started gulping it down. Hameron gagged.\n\n``You don't have to do that anymore. It's not your problem if they piss themselves!'' he said. He really had to pee too. Really, really badly. He had a sudden mental image of the donkey staring up at him while she sucked it all down right from his shaft. He felt all flustered. No! He had the key to the bathroom, he'd use the toilet like a civilized pig. Even if she liked it. Did she really enjoy this? Maybe if she asked nicely... fuck, he needed another beer to calm his nerves.\n\nTen minutes later, the pig and donkey staggered into the house again. Hameron had felt too queasy after two more beers, but Jen had drained another mug even after drinking Hamish's entire bladder, and Hameron poured the remaining dregs of booze out to spite his brothers. ``Thank god that's over!'' Hameron slurred. ``Now, we can take a shower in a nice, clean bathroom.''\n\nJen's stomach rumbled. ``Uhh, about that,'' she said. She grimaced in discomfort and clamped her tail down. ``There's something you need to take care of first if you want it to stay clean.''\n\n``Putting down plastic sheets on the floor so we don't track this everywhere? I'd love to, but I'm a mess too. Look at me! We'll have to just walk carefully and try not to drip too much.''\n\n``Not that, you doofus pig!'' Jen turned around and showed him her ass. The plug was bulging out now, but still held firm. ``I haven't had a bathroom break this entire shift! And after everything they made me eat and drink, believe me, when this comes out it's gonna be bad! Clear a five yard radius behind me bad! And I know you two legged types never have toilets for four legged people in your houses, and I've had way too much of that beer to aim. Clogging it's the least of your worries! Unless you'd rather have me use the shower, but do you know how hard it is to wafflestomp a blocked shower drain with hooves?''\n\n``No,'' Hameron said with an appalled gulp.\n\n``Me neither, but unless you wanna find out, your bathroom's not the place to pull this plug, and if you wait much longer it's gonna come out on its own, like a cannonball!''\n\n``Oh, God, I hadn't thought of that! Do you want to use the other bathroom? You can't make it any worse!''\n\n``I have a better idea,'' she said. Hameron didn't like the look on her face. The donkey grabbed his tail in her jaws and tugged.\n\n``Ooowwchh! Stop that! I don't have anything shoved up my backside! You're biting the real thing!''\n\n``Then come on.'' She led him into the disaster area of a living room. The furniture was such a mess. Beer, sauces, crumbs, and vomit were spilled all over the couch, as well as Hameron's recliner and ottoman. There was even a slice of pizza stuck to a couch cushion. Hameron started to hyperventilate again, mumbling about how everything was ruined and he was going to murder his brothers. Jen pushed him backward onto the sticky, puke soaked recliner and started to clamber on top of him.\n\n``Wait! What are you doing?'' he squealed.\n\n``You're gonna pull this plug out, and you're gonna be under me while you do it!'' she said with a lecherous smirk. ``Hic! What's wrong, little pig? I saw that boner you got when I was talking about destroying your bathroom! I think you've got more in common with your brothers than you're willing to admit.'' Hameron gulped. His throbbing erection brushed against her bloated, rumbling belly. ``You're such a doormat you just let them put me through all this shit on your behalf... well now you're gonna see how it feels!'' Her hot, fetid breath washed over his face, reeking of stale beer and sewage.\n\n``I... not here!'' he said.\n\n``Then where? The downstairs bathroom, or your nice clean one? You better choose before I dent the drywall with this plug!''\n\n``It's not drywall, it's plaster over brick! Completely structurally sound!'' he argued. Lying down in that filthy tub was inconceivable, but she really would destroy his bathroom if she let loose with the contents of her horrifically bloated gut.\n\n``Your chair's a writeoff anyway,'' Jen said. She was completely filthy, dripping disgusting liquids on him. She slid her hoof down his chest to his belly, and his aching, aching bladder. ``Ooof!'' he grunted. ``Wait! I just remembered, I haven't used the bathroom all night! I really need to pee!''\n\n``Don't worry,'' Jen said. ``You'll be fine. You can't pee with a boner.'' She turned around and straddled him. Her hindquarters trembled. She sniffed his dick, and gagged. ``If you're worried we could do this in your shower if you really want, though. I'm gonna turn it into a pigsty, so you won't have to worry about pretending you don't pee in it. Everyone does it even if they won't admit it.''\n\n``I do not pee in the shower! That's unsanitary!'' Hameron said. Jen didn't reply, instead sliding her drooling lips over his pork sausage. Her rump loomed disastrously over him. Her real tail swished excitedly. The limp hairy one on the colossal buttplug brushed over Hameron's face. The toy was holding firm, but only just. It bulged and tremored. The donkey's derriere was stretched wide as her sphincter threatened to give way. Her stomach clenched.\n\n``HHHNNNNNNGG!!! HEE HAW, HEE HAW!'' she brayed. Drool rained from her mouth. ``I can't take it anymore! Pull it out!''\n\n``I - I don't know about this!'' Hameron said with a fearful gulp. SSPPLQQRQQRPPPLLPPTT... Something brown and frothy started to leak past the plug. It dribbled down Jen's legs and dripped on Hameron's face. ``Yuck!''\n\n``Hurry up! My stomach's really fed up with this now!'' she brayed. Hameron reluctantly took hold of the fake tail, twining the slippery, filth soaked hair around his trotters. He tugged gently, then harder. Jen brayed a bellow of pain. The ass's hole stretched to an unbelievable size. She sobbed and pawed at the towels. ``Aaargh! It hurts!  It's a good thing all the king's horses loosened me up yesterday!''\n\nThen, with an almighty SCHLORRPP!  The titanic toy came free. Along with it came a lot of gooey brown paste that splatted down on Hameron. ``Yeuchh!!'' he cried, ``This is horrible! Oh shit, this was a bad idea! Maybe if you do it in my lap?''\n\nBut there was no saving him now. With the behemoth blockage in the burro's bunghole finally removed, there was no hope of her resisting her cramping intestines. With a grunt of discomfort, she squatted and began to empty her bowels all over the doomed pig below, ignoring his squeals of distress. She expelled another glob of filth that the plug had long since squished into oblivion, then a girthsome freight train of heavy balls of manure thundered from her ruined rectum, rolling off Hameron's head and mounding up around him in sticky, clumping masses. Clatterous, cheek rippling outbursts of swampy gas sent lumps of waste blasting against the wall of the arms of the easy chair. Poorly digested hay blown skyward by the equine's unbearable eruptions floated down on them. Hameron held his breath and tried not to suffocate on Jen's muggy farts, but her ass was relentless.\n\n``Help!'' he wailed. But there was no one around to hear him. He doubted his brothers would save him even if they woke up from their stupor. ``It's horrible! What have you been eating?''\n\n``Do you really want a list?'' Jen grunted. Another avalanche of excrement spilled from under her tail. Her stomach gurgled wetly. Her shit was getting soft and clotting together in sticky masses that began to pile up on Hameron's face. ``Ooohhhf... I wasn't exactly in charge of my diet tonight either, so blame your brothers for this, not me!'' Coils of putrid fudge slid down his snout and cheeks. ``Fuck... I can't stop. Sorry, little pig, I think you'll have to eat up like I did if you don't want to get buried.''\n\nBBGGLURRRGGGGHHTT. A sodden fart speckled Hameron's face with more donkey dung. Her hole opened to baseball size and several big wet, slimy turds tumbled out. Then, to the poor pig's dismay, the bloated burro's behind suddenly erupted with a cacophonous cavalcade of soft, clumpy waste that reeked of cheap beer and bad party food. Outlandish amounts of hot, creamy muck expelled from her cramping gut in dreadful, splortchy gouts of greasy, pulpsome slop that was fit only for pigs to eat. The tragedy was, of course, that poor Hameron was a pig, and though he would usually never have dared to ingest such repellant substances as fresh donkey shit, he didn't have a choice before long because she'd literally buried his entire face, snout and all, in the growing dung heap. He struggled, flailed, and held his breath as long as he could, but there was no hope for him. He had to breathe. He let her shit avalanche into his mouth, wincing and gagging as he chewed the hideous, squelchsome crap.\n\nJen was multitasking: at one end, she was lovingly sucking the pig's pecker. At the other end, she was still disgorging the most abominable bowel movement of her entire life, heedless of her lover being smothered.\n\n``Ullgghhh... this is horrible!'' Hameron sobbed as he choked down another mouthful of wet, pulpy donkey shit. His stomach was filling with the reviled waste. BLUTTSCHPP! Something abominably runny splashed his forehead. ``Stop!''\n\nJen lifted her head up, dripping pre.\n\n``That's not what I meant! I don't care if you keep sucking, but UUGLGLOOOMMFFF!'' An unstoppable barrage of filth battered him down into the pillows. His face was covered in it. This was the most disgusting thing he'd ever experienced. It tasted so awful! His heart pounded with terrified, revolted arousal as the weight of dung burying his head increased. This was an undignified position for an educated professional pig to be in! He was reduced to a toilet, wallowing around in the muck, and forced to eat right from another animal's bottom. He forced himself to swallow another gulp of warm, slimy donkey dung, and wiped the grimy sludge away from his nose. Hameron snorted and spluttered. He could hear her moaning through a mouthful of pork sausage as she unloaded her mistreated bowels on him. Her dirty lips caressing his meat felt so good. What she was doing to him was vile and disgusting, but suddenly he could feel his anxiety melting away.\n\nShe was right. He refused to admit it to himself, and mostly he felt sorry for the poor donkey, guilty for her cruel fate, and fearful for his homeowner's insurance premiums, but it had aroused him watching this. He'd enjoyed giving her that swirlie. Maybe he was no better than his brothers, despite how hard he'd tried to rise above the family reputation. He was nothing more than a lowly, filthy, dirty pig. A pig who belonged in the mud and sludge. His stomach was getting so full.\n\nHe hadn't really tried to stop her, had he? He'd just argued about where to do it, but he'd accepted that he deserved to be under her, suffering the horrific consequences of her being fed all kinds of revolting substances all night. Under an incontinent petting zoo donkey. The arms of his recliner were holding her waste and letting it build up in a huge pile, turning it into just the disgusting pigsty Hameron belonged in.\n\nHameron was mindlessly stuffing himself with her poop now, greedily shoveling her waste into his mouth. He'd always had a stress eating problem, and the internal conflict between his cultured persona and his long repressed piggy nature was making him lose all control. Or maybe he really was enjoying it. Hameron's loins started to buck and spurt, spewing hot hog spunk into Jen's mouth.\n\n``Careful, little pig, you might stain your chair with this!'' she said, pulling back and letting his load splash all over her filthy face. Hameron just moaned and reared up from the dung heap, snorting and snuffling between her haunches in an instinctive drive to pleasure his partner. She put all her weight on him, plunging him back down into the warm, squishy embrace of the seat cushion and the behemothic mountain of shit piled on it. Her rump squelched deep into the pile, smothering Hameron. He could feel his cum still fountaining high into the air. Jen was playing with it, slurping and batting at his dick like a cat. His lips wrapped around her sputtering donut. Foul air hissed into his mouth, bulging his cheeks like a balloon. Then a salvo of wet, greasy shit blasted his palate with a gruesome SSPPWWRBB-PPRORRRTTCHHH! His mouth filled with gooey, clogging waste, too thick for him to swallow. With his last spurt, she gulped it down and lifted up with a squelch, dripping gooey muck from her legs.\n\n``Fuck,'' she gasped. She looked back at him, half buried in her shit. ``Wow. See? I told you I'd clog your toilet.''\n\n``You clogged me instead,'' moaned Hameron. His stomach was bursting with her waste. He felt quite nauseous, just from the sheer pressure.\n\n``Clogged?'' she said. She clamped her tail down over her butt. Her stomach gurgled noisily. It was still almost as bloated as before. ``Uh oh. This is a really bad time for that, because I can't hold this back.'' The last thing Hameron saw was a crackling brown mass forcing its way past her tail and plopping down on his face before she groaned, squatted, and her asshole opened, disgorging a muddy avalanche that buried him in seconds.\n\nThe next thing he saw after that was a filthy, shit-caked tongue, snout, and lips. ``Sorry,'' Jen said, and belched. ``I don't think beer and nachos were a good idea, my butt's really out of control tonight.''\n\n``Did you just... eat me free?'' Hameron said.\n\n``Yeah.'' Jen lifted her tail, and more dung plopped onto Hameron's crotch. ``Why? Did you want it all to yourself? Greedy pig.'' She prodded his stomach with a hoof, making him gag. ``Don't worry, it's gonna come back out one way or another, but if you want another helping already...'' she turned around and straddled him again.\n\n``Wait!'' cried Hameron. ``I'm stuffed! I can't eat another bite!'' but the donkey was already defecating. Her hole stretched almost as wide as the plug, and a megalithic log of knobbly, fibrous impacted shit slowly slid out of her. It broke under its own weight and crashed down on Hameron's face. With it out of the way, softer muck flowed out faster and faster, cascading down in mushy, sticky coils and steaming masses of crap.\n\nJen huffed and brayed as her bowels forcefully evacuated themselves. ``If you get buried again there's still room in my stomach, but I'm not responsible for whatever's behind me while I'm eating,'' she said. ``I don't know how long it's gonna be -'' GGGGLLLGLLGRRUUGGLLULLLLGGGLLLL. Her stomach interrupted loudly and rudely. The donkey shivered, and pulled her tail aside. Muggy gas spewed from her pucker, then that most impolite of orifices was abruptly barged open. A soft, gooey projectile splatted behind Hameron, then most appalling of all, a dark brown jet of pure diarrhea sprayed the back of the recliner like a super soaker filled with chocolate syrup. Liquid shit splattered everywhere, including raining down on Hameron. ``Solid!''\n\n``Stop! My living room!'' he squealed. Jen tried to clamp her tail down when the next wave of cramps hit her, but it just turned her butt from a hose into a sprinkler. Faced with further defiling of his living room, Hameron rashly pulled her down on top of him and tried to contain the fecal faucet with his snout. Nauseating swamp gas with a mist of filth sprayed into his mouth, making him gag, then the floodgates opened again. Hot, greasy, and unfathomably foully flavored donkey diarrhea flooded his mouth to the brim, overflowing everywhere as he slurped and gulped the putrid sludge stream down in vain. ``Fuckgllck! This is vile.'' Despite his words, he was rock hard from the product of her digestive distress pouring out all over him. She finally regained control of her bowels and stood up. ``Ptoo!'' Hameron spat out the last mouthful of liquid shit. The donkey turned around and started licking his face, but his stomach was too full and her breath was too foul. Much like the toilet overflowing during her swirlie, Hameron erupted in a thick geyser of sewery puke. The liquid had saturated the recliner and was now overflowing off it, all over the floor.\n\n``Sorry. I didn't mean to back you up this badly.'' The donkey looked sheepish at the disaster she'd caused. Just like the clogged toilet, Hameron had overflowed all over the floor. ``Maybe we should've done this in your shower after all.''\n\nA few minutes later, the pair stumbled into Hameron's bedroom, giggling and belching. Jen had her tail stuffed as far up her own ass as it would go to try to reduce the leakage, but both of them were still dripping heavily. Hameron threw some blankets and towels from the linen closet on the shower floor to make it softer, and lay down. The walk-in shower had its floor a step below the rest of the bathroom, so even if the drain clogged, it wouldn't flood everything else. Hameron's bladder was completely bursting now. He looked at the toilet long and longingly, but Jen tugged him into the shower and shut the door. She pushed him over onto the pillows like the pushover he was and straddled him. Her tail slipped out of her anus, soaked with liquid shit. It was holding back an enormous, disgracefully splortchy mudslide of soft, goopy manure. She buried his crotch in dung in seconds, leaving just the tip of his cock poking out, then sat down on it and mounted him in reverse cowgirl with a gruesome squelch. Then SPLUUUBBTTT! A shocking outburst of noxious, gassy, lumpy diarrhea spray painted Hameron from belly button to head, and sprayed the whole wall of the shower with shit.\n\n``Eww!'' Hameron gave her rump a smack. ``It's all over the bathroom already!''\n\nJen indignantly backed her booty up and hovered menacingly over Hameron's face. ``Oh I'm sorry, did you want me to try and keep the mess contained?'' Without waiting for an answer she sat down on the pig's face and sharted vigorously. Sadly, with so much liquid courage in him, he was no longer able to lie about how much he liked big butts, no matter how unsanitary they or their owners were. He obediently began to lick and slurp at her splattery donut, grunting and oinking like the dirty little pig he was. The donkey unloaded pound after pound of mush, sucking his cock at the same time. Then, after she pushed out another dozen grapefruit sized turds, the swelling in her bowels pressing on her urethra finally went down, and there was no stopping the flood. FFWWSSSSHHH! A sudden torrent of salty, barnyard smelling and tasting urine surged from her folds, completely inundating Hameron. Jen almost cried with relief.\n\n``Oh, thank heavens! I would've pissed myself hours ago, but it wouldn't come out!'' she moaned. Her tail curled up and her loins quivered as the cataract of recycled beer (lots of it recycled twice) threatened to drown the unfortunate pig below. But it was actually a refreshing palate cleanser after the vile substances she'd been feeding him directly from her ass. He slurped and gulped, tickling her lower lips as he chugged the warm geyser. She was still sucking. But with this sudden influx of liquid, Hameron's bladder couldn't take it anymore either. He tried to hold it in, but a surprise fountain leapt up into the donkey's mouth.\n\nShe brayed with surprise and laughed. ``See? I knew you peed in the shower!'' She started drinking. Pee gushed from them and into them in an endless circle. The blankets were soon saturated with livestock urine. The drain was clogged with a shitty towel. They kept drinking, and drinking, and drinking, but their inhumanely pent up bladders weren't even close to running dry.\n\nHameron had a devilish idea. He wiggled out from under Jen and showered her in piggy piss while she struggled to hold her own in. Then he mounted her, penetrated her anus, and released into her. It wasn't easy peeing at half mast, but there was still so much pressure inside him, gushing out, filling her up.\n\n``Aren't I bloated enough already?'' she complained.\n\nOf course, he paid for that, dearly. She pinned him down and let loose with a firehose of urine mixed with liquid shit. Hameron had to chug his own filthy piss enema until his stomach nearly burst. Lumps of slimy half dissolved waste battered him relentlessly amidst a geyser of muddy fluids. She let him up, only to soak the blankets with a heavy gush of diarrhea and lie down in her own filth, writhing and wallowing in it. Hameron's gut suddenly cramped. His asshole clenched and burned. The toilet was far away outside the shower. The drain was clogged. There was only one thing he could do.\n\n``Seriously, fuck you,'' Jen grumbled. ``The last thing my stomach needs is more pigshit. But I guess I'm contractually obligated to rim you no matter what.'' She let him squat over her and licked his taint until he unleashed a horrendous mudslide of piggy pudding. After choking about half of it down, she forced him down into the other half. ``That tasted horrible. You don't get to complain about anything I feed you after that,'' she said, and sat down on his face.\n\nSoon Hameron's mouth was too full to complain. Soft, gloppy manure was coming out of her ass like a faucet. She buried his cock, then his chest, then mercilessly unloaded a titanic bowel movement of grotesquely greasy sludge onto his face. Try as he might to keep up, the onslaught of heavy, cloying manure mixed with the most deplorably unhealthy outbursts of runny poop spewing out of her bottom was just too catastrophically copious. It mounded up around his head, slowly burying him. Luckily, her appetite for her shit was just as voracious as his.\n\nBut I'm sad to say this story doesn't have a happy ending. It has a crappy ending. For you see, though both the third little pig and the dirty donkey were talking animals, such filthy acts soon reduced them to mere beasts. Hameron's shower was no longer a place of cleanliness, it was now the revolting pigsty he was always destined to end up in, and Jen was no better than their client. They pissed, shit, and puked on and in each other. Giggling and belching, they rolled and wrestled in the muck. They slurped it from the ground. Jen sprayed the walls with explosive diarrhea and they both licked it off. Hameron scooped massive piles of the dirty donkey's manure into her mouth, stuffing her face with it. They could no longer speak, instead braying, oinking and squealing like the unhygienic barnyard animals they were. Their minds were long gone.\n\nAt least, that's the ending this story would have if it were written by one of those annoyingly depressing fairy tale authors. The truth is, they did all of those depraved, unhygienic things, but they didn't revert to beasts out of some universal justice for their perverted actions. They were just really drunk. So the debaucherous donkey and the perverse pig fell asleep after a while, cuddling in a quagmire of excrement, and they woke up still in that quagmire, but with really bad hangovers.\n\n``Oh my god,'' Hameron groaned. ``What happened last night?''\n\nJen sat up and shook herself, sending clumps of caked on manure everywhere. She stared at the aftermath of the devastating craptastrophe. ``We got shitfaced.'' Hameron smushed a handful of dung in her face as revenge for that pun. ``Fuck me. This is the last time I drink on the job.''\n\nBut after cleaning themselves up that morning, and then handing the even more hung over Hamish and Hamilton mops and buckets and making them clean up the aftermath of the party, Jen and Hameron had time to think about their night of drunken debauchery, and they both realized they really enjoyed it.\n\n``Fuck this shit, I'm calling in sick today,'' Jenny said after blasting Hameron's toilet with diarrhea for the fifth time that morning. ``And I've decided I really need to set better boundaries at work. I literally let the clients shit on me last night.''\n\n``And I let my brothers throw a huge party and trash my house, when they're not even paying rent!'' Hameron grumbled while he helped Jen wipe. ``Well, now I'm done being a pushover! I'm evicting those dumb jerks!''\n\n``Maybe I should try a 4 day work week. But if I go down to part time I can't stay at the petting zoo on my days off. I'll have to get my own place. Man, it's gonna be really hard finding anywhere in this city with cheap rent that's not a total pigsty. No offense.'' Jen grinned innocently.\n\n``Okay, I can take a hint. You can stay here once I kick my brothers out. But I'm not accepting sexual favors in place of rent, even if you are a professional. That's a complete violation of landlord ethics. I don't want a power imbalance like that in our relationship, not to mention the tax implications -''\n\nJen put a hoof on his chest. ``Who said anything about sexual favors? I don't mix business and pleasure.''\n\n``I'm not quite sure what that means.''\n\n``It means I'll move in with you under one condition. I'll pay enough rent to replace whatever both your brothers were paying. I'll sign a lease and everything.''\n\n``B-but I haven't been charging them any!'' Hameron stammered.\n\n``Replacing two freeloading roommates with one's a pretty good deal for you then, isn't it?'' the donkey said with a grin. ``But I wasn't finished. I'll cut my hours to... shit, if I've only gotta cover groceries I can do three nights a week. The other four? I'm not a professional petting zoo donkey when I'm off the clock, right?''\n\n``Right, that's what I'm say-''\n\n``I'm just a regular donkey. A regular, slutty, horny, dirty farm animal'' She scrunched up her face. SPPPBLLBLAARRRTTT. Hameron's handful of toilet paper was suddenly soaked in hot, gooey sludge. He stared at the dripping brown mess covering his hand. Jen leaned in and kissed him. ``Your slutty, dirty farm animal, that you can do whatever degrading, disgusting, filthy things you want to. You can hobble me, tie me up, put me in blinders, destroy me with unreasonably large buttplugs, make me live in a stall in your backyard that you never muck out, you name it. Anything goes, everything your brothers and all your friends did last night.''\n\n``That just sounds like the same deal,'' Hameron protested. ``There has to be something in it for you that's totally unrelated to the free room and board!''\n\nJen leaned in harder, pushing him over with a hoof. ``Don't worry, I was getting to that. Your end of the deal is, when you come home you're not a professional tax accountant either. You're going to spend those four nights a week acting like the depraved, shameless, filthy little pig I know you are. You're going to spank me, pull my mane and tail, ravage me, cum on me, piss on me, puke on me, and shit on me without mercy, and feed me disgusting, unhealthy slop until I explode from both ends!'' She grabbed Hameron's t-shirt, dragged him into the shower, and heaved the weakly protesting pig into the puddle of fresh waste she'd spewed all over it. It immediately started soaking through his shirt. ``But that also means you'll wallow in your pigsty and eat your slop without squealing too much, and you won't get squeamish about where you put that dirty pig snout no matter how messy I am. Deal?'' She clopped into the filthy shower and straddled him. Her hindquarters loomed over his face, still dripping with liquid shit. Hameron knew this was just the kind of horrors he was in store for if he said yes. But as Jen had just proven yet again, he was quite literally a pushover.\n\n``Can't we just have one night of relaxing and watching movies or other normal couple bonding, and three nights of unspeakable coprophilic debauchery?'' he pleaded.\n\n``Yeah, I guess so. But I'll be holding all this in for the next night,'' she promised. Then she lowered her nauseating, filth caked hips down onto him. Hameron snorted and snuffled, slurping and licking every inch of his true love's shitty ass, until another wave hit her and vile, runny manure, fit only for pigs or certain naughty donkeys, poured into his mouth like a faucet, filling him to the brim, and he started peeing up into her face.\n\nAfter that? The Third Little Pig and the Dirty Donkey both lived happily ever after. So did the one wolf at the party who decided drinking strangers' urine for money wasn't such a bad career after all. Even the Big Bad Wolf turned his life around after he got out of prison, and went into a new line of work demolishing condemned buildings. As for the First Little Pig and the Second Little Pig, they got kicked out and had to get real jobs. Hamish and Hamilton ended up working retail, which is a perfectly respectable line of work, don't get me wrong, but they soon learned that messy, inconsiderate, piggish behavior wasn't so funny when they were the ones who had to clean up after thoughtless customers.\n\nAnd Jen and Hameron? Well, eventually Jen quit her job, went back to school, and got a job as a civil servant enforcing worker rights laws. After a few years they got married due to the tax benefits of filing jointly, but on Friday nights they can often be found in the dirtiest, filthiest sex clubs in all the land. Jen still likes to be hobbled, stuffed with impractically large toys and impractically greasy bar food, and made to service dozens of unhygienic strangers until she's wallowing in semen, vomit, piss and shit, while Hameron is tied up and made to watch her be defiled, then thrown down in the mess with her for Jen to have her way with. As for Hameron's brick house, mostly they keep it clean, but they've converted one of the spare bedrooms into a pigsty.\n\n[i]The End[/i]"
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